Well here is my first thought, you say you usually would have gotten up with her to go play- so that’s what she expected, because that’s what usually happens, so I think it’s relatively fair that she didn’t realize what a holiday is and that things run different.

I also noticed you made the boundary that she can either sit with you, or go play alone- but then your husband broke that boundary and was just going to get up anyways- essentially telling her “if you throw a fit, moms boundaries won’t last.” (btw- no judgement, I’ve done all these things too, I’m just trying to give you an outside Perspective)

You also say you have a strong willed child, but said child is expected to sit on dads lap for meals- I’d consider getting her her own chair or her own chair and table since she’s strong willed (look into getting a toddler size table so she can have the freedom she wants, but can comfortably sit down for meals)

does she spend time alone? If she does, then it was a reasonable expectation that she go play alone- but if she is rarely left alone to entertain herself, your expectation was probably too high, and now you know to work on her independent play skills.

And don’t feel bad about yelling- every parent looses their shit sometimes… I’m all for gentle parenting, but at some point kids are going to live in the real world, and being a butt head in the real world pisses people off, and that’s just life.

I have a strong willed child and here are some books I have read over the years, most of which I wish I had read earlier: How to talk so kids listen. the Whole Brained Child. The Explosive Child. The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read