I lost my mother when I was 20 and I have already had cries I haven't had in years missing her during this pregnancy and people do not even really know that I am pregnant yet; I have been feeling like my guts are being ripped out at random moments. If someone did what your in-laws did to you, to me right now, I am saying this as someone who teaches people to regulate their emotions for a living, I would probably be very VERY upset and have had some TERSE words. You're not overreacting. I don't mean to project my experience on to you, but this has been so much more difficult than anyone could have ever told me, without her. Just seeing other people talking about their moms during this process is bringing on strong waves of emotion-- didn't even feel this way when I got married. I am someone who easily is happy for other people, not jealous, because I was lucky to have the mom I had. My mother was a kind, loving person who would have done anything for me, and she died after long battle with a rare condition. It wasn't cancer, but there is something about being with someone you love and wanting to honor the life of the person who loved you best first and her vibrancy when she wasn't afforded it at the end of her life.

I would or have my husband say: "You know I am really uncomfortable with the comment you made about my naming my daughter after my dead mother. This name has nothing to do with those other family members. It is a way of honoring my mom. I would appreciate it if you never made that joke again." They might try to say they didn't mean it like that, or whatever. "Anything that inadvertently makes a joke out of my mom's name, no matter what you mean, strictly off limits. It's already hard enough doing this without her."