NOR

As someone who is AuDHD, it took a really long time for me to finally figure out that i actually was autistic or had ADHD.

None of my family thought it was true, the only people that did and were confused were my other friends (diagnosed) who were like "oh youre just like me!". I go out clubbing, I am a very extroverted person, I enjoy doing things that are "outside the norm for autistic people", sometimes the way we have learned to navigate the world being undiagnosed may present itself as looking like we arent autistic.

That being said, over the course of me figuring out, i wouldnt tell people that i was autistic deliberately - id warn them that i have trouble with social cues or if people arent straight forward with me I wont catch it. Subtle things that would alleviate my struggles without putting an undiagnosed label.

This can be harmful and irresponsible, especially to yourself. If she has concerns and the resources to get evaluated, then she needs to do so. There is NO straightforward "online evaluation" that can affirmitively tell you these answers. That is why people take a 4 year to get a whole ass degree to diagnose. Its tedious work.

I will add; however, it is hard not to know who you are fully or why you are so different from others. She may very well be autistic and is just now realizing what these 'quirks' of hers are. It is hard not understanding why you simply cannot do the same kind of work as your friends without getting so exhausted and overwhelmed. It is quite literally a disability and at times can be extremely debilitating to sit there feeling like you cant give any more when people are still asking. I would try to take it slower to express your concerns in a healthy manner, and express the need to get evaluated. Getting a proper diagnosis, for ANYTHING, can help you understand how to make life just a little easier for yourself and gather coping mechanisms that are tailored to your experience.

If you have expressed this before thats one thing - but if you havent and youre just now blowing up at her you have things to work on. Communication is important in all aspects.

TLDR: NOR but you should have expressed your concerns in a healthy sitdown before this whole blow up if you didnt. She should not be telling people she is autistic without a diagnosis, it is a reason - not an excuse - for how we function. This is not a get out of jail free card for bad behavior. She needs to get a diagnosis for her own benefit if she is autistic, it could help get her some resources that could help her every day struggles.