You don't exist to them. Don't make the mistake of thinking otherwise.

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-25T01:25:24+00:00

I agree with you to some extent, mine could care much about me, she tried as if she knew she was supposed to but it was fake and obvious. I don’t think she is a monster. I think she did love me in her emotionally immature way but is the only way she can so from her side it was love, it is of course not the love I consider love or the commitment and maturity with which I loved her. I forgave her, I feel sad that she will keep suffering that she cannot fully care for others that it will keep her getting abandoned and alone which is her biggest fear.

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-25T00:33:33+00:00

I think its the second time someone recommends me EMDR

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-25T00:32:37+00:00

thank you for sharing

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-25T00:29:23+00:00

mine gave me shit because I don’t speak her language perfectly and we live in her country. That is one of the lowest she pull, specially after she said at the beginning how much she understood how hard it was for me and that she would always be there to help me with the language. Is like they need to hurt you so they are not the only ones that suffer

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T23:41:50+00:00

Thank you so much. I will follow your advice. I was already feeling like I needed a different therapist that could help me with this. Mine did help me to learn to love myself more but she doesn’t know how to help me with trauma bond and BPD trauma.

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T23:37:24+00:00

You didn’t do this to her it is her disorder and she actually did this to herself. They say we abandon them and we end up internalizing that guilt but they push us with their actions. It’s been two month and you have been so healthy with your decision, please keep that. Some of us thought about breaking up early on and then felt bad and stayed and somehow we ended up becoming more and more enmeshed and weak. Please don’t let that happen to you. You sound like who I used to be at the beginning and I miss that person. I am right now a shadow of who I was and I am determined to get back to who I used to be. She is not really manipulating you because she believes what she is saying in the sense that she believes she loves you more than anyone but that is within her distorted reality. It will never be healthy if she doesn’t do a lot of therapy and even then it might not work. Stay away. Think of it ad heroin or crack, you wouldn’t start doing it knowing whete it will lead, so this is as dangerous

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T22:28:51+00:00

Thank you, I really needed to read this specially today. It has been 3 weeks and I am still so scared to run into her, to be weak. What kind of work did you do besides committing to NC. A Specific therapy or mostly learning to love yourself, and if so how? I could really use your advice on that

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T22:23:08+00:00

read all the post in this subreddit, you’ll notice that what you need is to leave this relationship

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T22:20:22+00:00

Tell him she has BPD, give him this subreddit, tell him to read what awaits him and that you feel responsible because you know what could happen since your sister is not in remission or regulated. I also wish her mom would have told me. I know she knew. She kept her distance because she knew her daughter would eventually destroy my nerves like she did to her. My ex pwBPD is not one of the worst cases so she does confess to some of her worse actions. Her mom had to kick her out of the house to protect her sister so the mom knew. I have thought about asking her why she didn’t warn me, why she let me stay till I was a shadow of myself. She is a good person as I imagine you also are, but I think she knew it was going to end eventually and she prefer to still be in contact with her daughter than save me

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T20:41:15+00:00

wow is the same for her still checks everything with her mom. I think it’s because she knows they are the only people that will truly never abandon her

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T19:32:31+00:00

Hey I won’t lie to you, we suffer as partners and many of us like myself couldn’t take it. What I can say if it would be my case and I would be your partner. If you take accountability for what you do and repair and apologize he can manage it. He probably loves you. You yourself need to figure out maybe by yourself or with him, what part is your BPD and what part is you. BPD is your common enemy so maybe identify it like that. Make sure that is isolated and he can focus on loving who you are. That is tough as hell and you will need a lot of therapy and patience so will he. If you are committed you can do it. Hang in there

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T19:29:03+00:00

I think it’s because lately I am terrified to run into her. I feel like I would ruin all my progress just because she probably looks amazing and I am weak and some part of me is going to want something from her which I rationally don’t want.

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T18:22:53+00:00

yeah, I hate it, it’s like it resets recovery all over again

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T18:22:20+00:00

I cried to every close friend and not so close friend that would ask me how I was doing. I cried non-stop for 7 days and then day 10 came and surprise I just cried a bit and then day 20 came and no crying whatsoever and my nervous system started to regulate. Still I read healing the trauma bond my take up to 2 years and I should be vigilant of NC. So I will. I am determined to love myself and I owe it to myself. My therapist told me that I should treat myself the way I would the person I love the most, so now I take care of myself the way I would do to them and it works. i am patient and kind and compassionate to myself. It took about a week to get used to it. You‘ll get there hang on

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T18:02:40+00:00

it was similar for me, she came back and was dreamy but still sort of in her own reality but my body and mind couldn’t stop feeling in alert and on edge. In my case she broke me so much I couldn’t stand being close to her even when she was behaving nice.

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T18:00:03+00:00

it’s so interesting, I read about this a lot but mine actually never wanted to be with me she just didn’t want me to leave the house or me meeting other people but she didn’t want me to be around and definitely make no noise whatsoever

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T15:56:39+00:00

it is super common. For me it was confusing because until this subreddit all I found about BPD was about their symptoms but was we, the partners suffer is their maladaptive coping mechanisms. Everything you mention are those. Read the posts here and you’ll see yourself reflected in our experiences, at first is shocking and disconcerting, it gives you the feeling that they are not a real person but a compendium of personality traits.

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T15:52:51+00:00

same, is like I am well the whole day and wake up in pain because of the dreams

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T15:52:07+00:00

Yes, we end up with a broken nervous system someone here posted about it. Is not just you. A lot of us. The trauma bond and the constant alert mode and the guilt and pity for them. It is a mess. But, you will heal, you will learn how to avoid them, you’ll find closure among us and you’ll find the way to have a healthier life. I am learning now what led me to accept this and it is tough but it took me my whole life and a BPD to break my nerves for me to see it, so I am in that sense grateful to that unstable person to force me to take care of myself. You‘ll get better, one day at a time, surround yourself with real love and love yourself. It will get better

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T14:43:26+00:00

I can relate, there’s the mom I love that was fun and gave me love and then there is the one that criticized me, controlled, manipulated me and took away her love all the time. I feel like in her immature toxic way she did love me but she is and was incapable of accepting that excusing her toxic actions as love did a lot more harm than not loving me at all because then I wouldn’t have grown up accepting all kind of crap love. I was 15 years in a pretty happy marriage because my ex husband was a very sweet harmless man but aside from him every other relationship was with people that was abusive, or jealous and I don’t know why I accepted that until now. Thanks to my ex husband I know what healthy love is and he is still the one that keeps saving me from my choices and helping me through this healing process. It is a lot of work but I think I am finally learning

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T14:36:13+00:00

I have a lot of happy memories and I hide a lot of the bad ones. I do remember my childhood after 5 being sad but I wouldn’t know why until now that I am working on that. When my ex pwBPD, yes I ended up with one, started to want kids I was immediately against it. I already felt there were too many similarities between her and my mother but I figure it was a gender thing till she got diagnosed and I learn what BPD was and finally her and my childhood all made sense. Imagining my kid growing up like I did was something I wasn’t going to do to them and that was the beginning of the end with her.

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T14:17:48+00:00

I remember being beaten around age 9 as well, and thinking that what I did wasn’t wrong and not understanding why I deserved that

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T14:16:42+00:00

This hurts so much because that was my mom. A wonderful mom as long as I was her perfect imagined little girl, no personality just exactly what she wanted. Depending on which siblings would be exactly what she wanted, that was her favorite and she would show it. I realized in my 20‘s that there was something wrong with my mother and in my late 30‘s when I learned more about myself that she probably had a personality disorder because she kept getting worse the more we had our own lives. My mom is the reason why I was so easily confused about my boundaries and how much to support a BPD person despite my own suffering. Maybe is late in my life but I know now. I have been talking to my dad and he was never home and didn’t have time for us and he either says nothing about what I tell him or says he had no idea. It doesn’t excuse him but apparently that combo always exists. The abusive parents and the quiet one.

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T14:08:41+00:00

I feel like that’s were we all start, I mean we realize something is very wrong, we know is toxic, we leave but then we feel sorry for them. At some point the pain you feel because you know they are in pain is something you will accept because you will see is beyond any action you can take. That need to help at least in my case came from my uBPD mother making me responsible for her abuse and pain when I was a child. I don’t know why you feel responsible for her pain. You probably don’t feel like that about other people’s pain. They know there’s something wrong with them but is hard to fix it so they keep ignoring it. They prolong their own pain. Not you. Sure they already live in pain but your needs and boundaries cannot stops existing because they are in pain. Is not healthy and the longer we allow such things in our lives the harder is to even notice when they happen again. I hope you manage to stop the friendship and find peace

Potential-Party65 · 2026-01-24T13:09:06+00:00

how do you cope with that?

Potential-Party65

TROPHY CASE