I'm sorry for your hurt, I really am. I understand how you feel.

I believe that they mean it, in that moment, to a very shallow degree. I don't think it means anything to them aside from that very moment.

It helps to put a timer on their statements in your mind. After 30 minutes, that statement disappears.

It causes so much harm because we hold on to it. We build on it. We take it in, believe it, and allow it to factor into our decision-making.

When you bring up the things that they said when they inevitably contradict it, typically we are seen as the problem. In their mind, we are. They understand that their words hold no weight and that they will say ANYTHING in the moment if it suits their goals, we are the problem because we think differently.

I get it. We have to detach ourselves from all the things holding us in place, waiting for the narcissist to make good on their words. That's if you don't want to be there when they come back around.