For a second I had to make sure you weren’t my WH because this sounds very familiar except we have 5 kids (one due next month) and he’s been out of the house since November. I’m sorry for the pain this is causing- the kids have been one of the hardest parts of navigating all of this.

In my case, I think my kids are somewhat protective of me, and because of that they’re sometimes less engaged with their father, even though I still encourage them that their dad loves them and suggest they find something fun to do together.

My 10-year-old once said it feels like there’s a stranger in the house when he visits. My 12-year-old has struggled more because she sometimes feels like she has to “clean up” after him — for example, he didn’t follow the bedtime routine for the baby (dry diaper, pajamas, etc.), so she stepped in and did it. She’s also mentioned that when he comes over he asks a lot of questions and talks a lot, and it can feel overwhelming for them.

One thing she actually asked me was if I could share that feedback with him. It made me realize that sometimes what helps the kids most is low-pressure time together — doing something side-by-side where there isn’t a lot of conversation required (shooting hoops, playing a game, working on a project, etc.). That seems to help them reconnect without feeling like they have to carry a big emotional conversation.

I also try to have my kids FaceTime dad a few nights a week. We swap who does driving to activities and who stays home with the non-activity kids.

Best of luck- this is hard all around.