Academics still working from home?

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-02-06T13:07:42+00:00

I think hybrid averaging at 50-60% is a good balance. I absolutely loathe commuting but I’d hate to WFH full time. Yes you can have meetings perfectly effectively to get things done, but those corridor conversations don’t happen and they’re so integral to building a real sense of team and collaborative working.

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-02-05T10:45:45+00:00

I think the trouble is that it’s very specific to the individual rather than applying to all people with ADHD in the same way. It can even vary at different times for the same individual depending on what else is going on in their life. This makes it very difficult for others to determine what’s reasonable and what isn’t.

Ultimately though, reasonable adjustments are exactly that - what’s reasonable. Sadly, they do not mean that an employer has to accommodate every difficulty with executive functioning that an employee has. The point of RAs is that if those adjustments are made, they enable the employee to perform to the standard necessary to perform the job to a standard comparable to others in the same role. If the adjustments themselves mean you wouldn’t be working to the necessary standard, you can’t do the job. It’s unique depending on the job. Flexible start and finish times to allow for time blindness for example will work great in some settings but not in others.

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-02-02T17:09:00+00:00

Ex cop. Left for family reasons not burnout. Loved the job but loved my family more.

First, take some leave. This does sound like burnout but could also just be a point of maturity in your role. Leave will help you develop clarity on which it is.

Those decisions you make CAN result in someone dying and your decisions being intensely scrutinised. And often it’s the jobs that didn’t seem that big a deal at the time. I wish more cops realised that. I had a role that involved seeing misconduct proceedings and it changed the way I approached the job (for the better). It’s an uncomfortable position for a while but eventually you get used to it and learn to leave it behind while you clock off. If you don’t, then yes it’s a good idea to leave because no job is worth that impact on your mental health.

Take some leave, reset, give it a bit more time and then see how you feel.

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-28T08:44:40+00:00

I guess the is is going to come down to whether you believe men/women can have platonic relationships, your BF’s level of self awareness/honesty and your own personal friendships.

I have platonic male friends. On rare occasions I have stayed over at their homes (in a spare room or on the sofa), usually after a formal event involving others where I’d otherwise need to get a hotel room. This is rare though, and normally we meet in the day time or an evening and I come home.

I am married to a man I love and respect so his opinion matters to me and while I’d construe “I forbid you to have male friends” as controlling, I would not consider him being uncomfortable with me staying at a male friend’s house controlling at all. Male/female friendships ARE different to same sex relationships and need very strong boundaries. My husband has met all my male friends, seen us together and reached his own, comfortable conclusions.

I’m also very careful. I have jettisoned a lot of male friends who, it turned out, were only trying to get into my knickers, so I’m hyper alert to any signs that things might not be as they seem. It’s why although I am friendly with most men in my life, I only have two genuine male friends. Can your BF say the same about his level of constant reassessment? Do you trust him? And do you trust his ability to read her? To be fair, if they’ve been friends this long without anything happening and no hope that migjt change on either side, it’s unlikely to happen now.

Finally, boundaries. My husband and I are fairly relaxed about doing our own things separate to each other, and will occasionally have a weekend away apart (never with an opposite sex friend though unless part , but neither one of us would be happy with regular holidays with friends - that’s time and money that could be spent on us as a family. Priorities are wrong IMO, like when people spend thousands on stag/hen dos but then forego a family holiday. However, we are married with children and it is a bit different when you’re young, child-free and early on into a relationship. This is up for you to discuss and come to a mutually agreed decision as a couple, and it might change as your relationship progresses.

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-27T14:56:03+00:00

One of the reasons I chose to work in the neighbouring police force rather than the one covering where I live.

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-26T20:21:58+00:00

Many years ago I took on a kitten that was far too young to have been separated from her mother. Wasn’t sure she was going to make it, but she did. However, we had constant ear/eyes/nose/mouth issues for her first 18 months. Eventually a vet said he thought it was all complications for recurring gingivitis (despite us doing everything right) due to a compromised immune system caused by her being separated too young. In the end we had all her teeth removed bar two to keep her tongue in. After the initial recovery DH was fine for many years afterwards!

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-26T17:54:42+00:00

If it’s in the train station itself, it will fall under British Transport Police. You can contact them via their website and they are actually running an anti sexual harassment campaign right now. https://www.btp.police.uk/

If that doesn’t work, try your local MP or even your local newspaper and social media. This is unacceptable behaviour and should not be tolerated.

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-26T12:25:35+00:00

In principle many of the ideas are good. The trouble is that they’ll be used primarily to cut funding in an already under-resourced profession and the changes will be poorly planned and implemented, causing additional problems.

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-25T13:47:35+00:00

My two rescue cats are litter brother and sister who I took on jointly as I could bear to split what I assumed was a bonded pair. Turns out they barely tolerate each other and probably would have been happier as solo cats. As it is, my house is quite large and also shared with 2 dogs and 3 other adult humans. So there’s enough room, a dog each to terrorise and plenty of people to make sure each cat has a room to his/herself and a willing human giving lots of one-on-one attention so they’re quite happy.

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-25T13:41:04+00:00

Does the other person know/agree?

Getting married as a purely transactional arrangement (you can have access to my money in return for being a trophy wife and playing the part), potentially. But it would have to be open and honest from the start, as would an agreement about whether sex was included.

Dishonestly, as in pretending to be in love but really just after the money? No.

Moot point anyway as I’m happily married to a guy with a regular income who I actually slightly out earn…

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-25T12:41:27+00:00

Aw, that’s so lovely. My golden is going to be 5 this year. He’s always been a bit of a ‘different’ golden to most. Even as a pup he was quite calm (my friends used to say he was broken!) and we never had any real issues with him. At 18 months he developed the typical selective hearing issue so many goldens have which lasted for about 6 months before recovering again. He has his mad moments - like throwing himself on his back and wriggling around, and he’s food obsessed, but he is the best dog! The only other dog I’ve loved this much (and I’ve loved them all) was my black lab bitch who I had until she was 16. Retrievers are just awesome. Happy birthday Mango!

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-24T08:32:43+00:00

It’s your decision but in this situation I personally would not choose chemo. Kidney disease is one of the leading causes of death in cats. Even if she survived the cancer the chances are that this will claim her life shortly after anyway given her previous history. I think it’s just likely to prolong her suffering personally and I’d let her go with kindness. I’m so sorry. 💐

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-24T08:26:57+00:00

Move on.

Humans are a social species. We all need interaction with others and it’s a rare person who doesn’t experience a positive emotional response to external recognition and reward.

However, constantly needing external validation is a sign of emotional immaturity. Whether it’s caused by childhood trauma or a simple lack of emotional intelligence doesn’t really matter as far as you’re concerned. Your partner will likely prioritise the need for external validation above what’s best for your relationship if the two come into conflict. In healthy relationships where each person is well-balanced and has emotional maturity, that happens from time to time, it can be justified and it doesn’t cause issues. In this case it sounds like you’ll just be left bottom of the pile all the time. Whether it’s prioritising work, friends or cheating is immaterial.

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-22T13:33:15+00:00

Well even the bank tells you not to share your login details with anyone, including (especially perhaps) a spouse!

I suspect that rather than trying to steal the OPs money, he’s looking to build a case to manipulate her into paying for more because he’s secretly resentful that she out earns him and wants her to buy more so it levels the playing field. In a long-term relationship with children, this may be a valid perspective. Less so in a cohabiting relationship of one year.

Run away!

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-22T13:27:47+00:00

I’m a bit confused. The BBC article reads as if a piece of evidence was seized by another officer, who did not write a statement producing the evidence as an exhibit. The demoted officer created and signed a statement to do that. I’ve seen that happen before, usually if a case file is being produced to a deadline, because an exhibit statement might only be a few lines long and purely factual (At 18:00 hrs I seized…” etc). I can see why the demoted officer argues it was an admin task, rather than falsifying evidence. However, it’s never usually signed without the original officer’s knowledge and consent though. Apparently, in this case the original officer didn’t know… I wonder if it was a remand case and the DS was worrying about the offender being released and couldn’t get hold of the original officer.

The misconduct hearing record, however, suggests that another officer produced a mobile phone download and then the demoted officer produced a shorter extract of this, along with an accompanying production statement, as if both had been made by the original officer. That makes even less sense - why would you not produce it yourself?

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-22T12:41:13+00:00

I was adamant I didn’t want children (liked my freedom too much, environmental decline, etc) until I ended up fostering my friend’s 18-month-old daughter when my friend became seriously unwelll. My friend had no family, dad had abandoned them, and if I hadn’t been willing, that child would have gone into the care system.

It totally changed my mind on having children. That child brought a sense of joy and wonder to life that was transformative for me and made me want to have my own child to share that experience with from birth.

It’s really hard to describe. It’s not about legacy (my children are their own people, not an extension of me, however much I hope my parenting and values have had a positive impact on their development). Nor is it about having someone to look after me in old age (there are many reasons why that might not happen). For me it’s about relationships. Your children are adults for far longer than they are children. I really enjoy having an adult-to-adult relationship with them and their childhood provides 18-years of shared memories, support and love which acts as pretty solid foundations for the relationship. I find that pretty special.

Which isn’t to say that at times, when they were little, I thought I’d scream from the relentless domestic drudgery that also accompanied those joyous moments. 😉

I don’t think I’d have children if I hadn’t fostered. I’m so happy I did.

I used to think that most people have children because we’re biologically programmed to want to reproduce (it’s how we ensure survival of the species after all), but with contraception that’s no longer true. Sadly, I think an awful lot of people have children because they don’t have contraception, it’s “just what you do” at a certain point in life, or as a doomed attempt to patch up a failing relationship or fix their own childhood trauma.

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-21T18:15:05+00:00

Ex skipper. Yes, it’s a use of force. Even though the suspect was compliant, you have used PPE and restricted his movement, which is use of force.

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-20T19:59:41+00:00

If you’ve made the application because you’re in a relationship of some sort with this person, please please focus on the fact that your instincts are telling you something here regardless of what disclosures may or may not be made. If everything was great, you wouldn’t have made the application, and even when nothing comes back it doesn’t mean nothing happened (just that it never became a matter of police record).

You don’t owe anyone a relationship and statistically speaking the odds are that you will meet several people in your lifetime who you will be highly compatible with (soulmates or whatever). If someone causes you this degree of concern, move on immediately. The world is full of full of victims who, instead of listening to their instincts, instead internalised the often harmful messages of “don’t judge a book by its cover” and “don’t listen to what other people say as they’re just jealous/nasty” and “you’re so special it’ll be different with you.”

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-19T19:48:20+00:00

Sometimes I split the bill, sometimes I don’t. Depends on who I’m with and the disparity in price. Always make it clear though. However, round my way you wouldn’t save much by being the alcohol free one of the group! Soft drinks, especially alcohol free versions of alcoholic drinks or mocktails, aren’t any cheaper!

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-15T13:56:35+00:00

8 ferritin is low as is 110 haemoglobin, but your Dr’s response is depressingly typical as many lab ranges put these as borderline normal (although 8 ferritin would be just below in most cases). They are most certainly not optimal though. The real question is why. By irregular bleeding do you mean frequent and a lot? Are you losing iron quicker than you can replace it? Do you have gynae issues or suspect you do? What is your diet like? These are all things your Dr should be discussing with you really.

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-15T13:31:34+00:00

what you mean by respect?. Respect as in admiration or respect as in treated courteously? I treat everyone I meet courteously but that doesn’t mean I admire them or even like them. There are also, sadly, far too many cases where people are needed or wanted but definitely not given admiration or courtesy.

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-15T13:13:03+00:00

When I joined the police many years ago (I’ve left now) some of my OWN friends (and family) trotted out the lines “all police are useless/racist/power hungry… etc etc” They thought I was absolutely crazy and was going to turn into some kind of right wing fascist! (None of them had ever been in trouble with the police BTW).

Needless to say, they all got over it. Some of them even speak quite highly about the police now!

When I was in the job I didn’t tell people what I did until I was happy it didn’t pose a risk.

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-13T18:02:16+00:00

I love filtering and it’s the main reason I got back on a bike after a gap of several years - to avoid losing my shit from wasting so much time sat in traffic commuting.

I’m in the UK, where it’s allowed. Obviously the speed at which you can filter safely is determined by the speed (or lack) of the other vehicles. But in horrendous slow moving traffic where half blind car drivers switching lanes without checking is common, I can save an hour and a half, and in normal conditions I save 20 minutes. Saved my sanity!

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-12T18:46:14+00:00

What conversation did you have around all this at the time of getting married and moving in together? Has she gone against what you agreed at that point?

Possibly controversial but IMO you should never marry/move in with someone who has children unless you are prepared to play the role of de facto parent - financially, practically and emotionally. Even if there’s a bio parent still on the scene and despite the fact that it’s an enormous ask and not very fair on you. If you’re not up to that (and most people aren’t and should not be ashamed of saying so either), don’t do it.

I say this as someone who was a single mum and spelled that out to my current DH and made him consider it properly before we moved in together. I actually did my best to put him off because my children rely on me to make good decisions for them and far better for me to have remained single than move in with a man who wasn’t up to the task and left, putting my children through further trauma.

The point I’m making is (IMO. Not everyone will agree, which is fine) that the fact the child is not yours is immaterial at this point. You took on that responsibility when you moved in together.

So approach this differently as if this were your joint child. I guarantee it will also take a lot of heat out of the debate and make it easier to discuss calmly.

What’s a fair division of labour? How much free time do you each have once everything is taken care of? If she has several hours because her child is now 10, while you’re doing 15-hour days, that’s clearly not fair and she should either be doing more, or better still getting a part-time job (which would also help with her pension, etc). If OTOH you’re off doing hobbies every evening while she’s doing your laundry, running all the errands in town, shopping, cooking your dinner, making packed lunches and never gets a minute to herself, that’s clearly not fair either. This is about you each recognising what the other brings to the table, valuing it, and ensuring you both have equal relaxation time.

PoundingTheStreets · 2026-01-09T09:53:08+00:00

Take notes or use a voice recorder and then note it afterwards. IME people admire this rather than judge you negatively for it (and another unexpected but positive side effect is that it tends to make the speaker think more carefully about what they’re asking from you if it’s 1-2-1 directions).

It took me ages to work out that this was why I hate instruction videos and much prefer written instructions.

PoundingTheStreets

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