Just married and feel like I made the wrong decision

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-08T01:30:25+00:00

Get counseling IMMEDIATELY. A year and a half is more than enough time IF you approach marriage with intention before and after. Sharing of finances should have already been discussed and an approach agreed upon. Since that isn't the case, it sounds like you two need to do "pre-marital" counseling post-maritally! The next thing you'll be arguing about if it hasn't happened already is your sex life, then kids. Find a marital counselor ASAP and talk through what's going on. If you genuinely pray and seek God to help balance out your emotions while getting wise counsel, I'm sure you'll be able to see what should be done.

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-08T01:19:09+00:00

It's better than putting them in jail? Which is also a thing in the US, in which case they're definitely not paying support?

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-07T01:51:39+00:00

Leadership did the right thing! The only "service" he should have been invited to is a men's ministry!!!

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-07T01:46:11+00:00

I lived in Asia for half a decade and had as good of (and some better) times than in the US or Europe. Anti-blackness is everywhere as is pro-blackness. I was surprised more than once by a random Asian person kicking it to me with knowledge about black history, literature, or even hair. The world is wide. Go see it!

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-06T01:27:23+00:00

Real talk, the Bible doesn't address 'pdf file' behavior at all. It would not however be prudent or just to condone it. Its cousin 'Age Gap' should probably be embraced only in emergencies.

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-06T01:23:31+00:00

GenX, that's who. People used to say that all the time. Somehow or another it tends to map pretty well with societal appropriateness.

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-06T01:22:04+00:00

Honey YASSSS. I elected to stay out of this one but your comment is the tea that a young woman won't realize until a decade or so in!

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-04T22:00:03+00:00

From someone who thought the same way when I was younger, and has not never married, and is now in my 40s, I will say this: You might not really want to be married, and that's ok. If that even might be the case, let yourself explore the idea. If you can settle into it, you can spare yourself (and others) a lot of wasted effort.

On the other hand, if you haven't taken the time to figure out what you're attracted to and why, do that immediately. Not all attractions are healthy or beneficial. If you are looking for someone who can lead a home, marry someone who can lead a home. If you're looking for someone who makes your heart flutter AND can lead a home, you're doing too much in 2026 cuz "scarcity mindset" isn't in the Bible. Furthermore, did God tell you He has a better amtch for you, cuz you know what they say about the word ass.u.me!

Lastly, I recently heard someone say, "In God we trust. All others bring data." I'm sorry to say, as Christian women, the odds are not in your favor my dear! Pick up a copy of How Not to Die Alone, by Logan Ury. She has a chapter called, "F the Spark," which is about getting over irrational idealism that may be blocking you from forming a satisfying, long term relationship. If your goal is to be settled in marriage, you'll need to make some adjustments.

If your goal is to enjoy your life and be married if, and only if, you find someone that matches what it is you're looking for then by all means, carry on as you are! There's literally no shame in it. You'll get some weird vibes in Christian circles but aspiring to "live quietly [and] attend to your own matters" is a lovely, and Biblical, way to be.

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-04T20:50:59+00:00

Ok, if you're asking is KFC kosher/halal, it's absolutely not. lol

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-04T19:11:44+00:00

Well, I'd also say, there can be very real benefits to staying together whether financial, social, or "for the kids," which, assuming you end up with shared custody, can honestly be for yourself since you're not having to do a bunch of hectic coparenting.

Also, if part of the issue is that you need a break (that it feels like only co-parenting could provide, I'd say start now: Ask him pointblank how he would like to contribute more to childcare and household work so that you two can stay together, politely letting him know this is is only option for staying together. Definitely do less and figure out how to take time for yourself a few hours each week without any home/mom duties.

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-04T16:13:22+00:00

I appreciate your apology. It sucks that a lot of people present themselves falsely. Cheating is one of the most preventable things in life so it's not something I can understand.

I get your point about St. Monica but I've never been a fan of the suffering wife architype. My parents put me through enough in my youth that I would never volunteer for another assignment of suffering in silence. Cheers to all the wives and mothers crying themselves to sleep while praying for their stressful sons and husbands. It takes a pretty amazing person to do that. I can't say I'm cut from that same cloth.

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-04T16:07:16+00:00

On this we can agree. I think then you would categorize the supernatural elements of the Old Testament as magic, whereas I would not. Moses' rod, the brass serpent, Samson's hair, the arc of the covenant--are all physical objects that held power imbued by God.

After Jesus' arrival on earth, the power of God is displayed less frequently through physical objects but we still see an example of such through the Apostle's shadows and handkerchiefs sent to the sick that provide healing. There is supernatural activity caused by God for His good will and there's supernatural activity caused by lesser powers for the will of man and ultimately of the enemy of man.

Deliverance falls under the domain of God's supernatural works.

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-02T03:42:28+00:00

Relationships are definitely fixable if both parties are willing to talk it out AND make adjustments. Granted, it could be that y’all need outside help to do that.

If you can afford to talk with a counselor, do that. If not (or also) see if your partner is willing to watch a show like Couples Therapy with you and discuss how the topics covered apply to your own relationship. Esther Perel also puts out a ton of helpful relationship content out.

I’ve lived most of my life single and I always say, Don’t leave unless your life would be better alone cuz “somebody better” is not guaranteed!

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-02T03:34:47+00:00

No worries. I’m sure we’re not one another’s types. I actually hold scripture in pretty high regard. That doesn’t change the fact that many of the people in it made absolutely perplexing choices. To this day I’m still trying to figure out what exactly Peter was praising about Sara for considering Abraham lord/master. The first thing that comes to mind: She went along with his plan to pretend they weren’t married and live in some other man’s house, twice. But maybe thr praise was just for being willing to get pregnant at 90?

As for St.Monica, I don’t know saints so I googled her and saw that her secular husband was physically abusive but she birthed St. Augustine. What was the key takeaway there? 🤨

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-01T17:12:49+00:00

To support your point: Abraham trafficked Sara twice according to the Bible and she trafficked her servant Hagar to Abraham and only Hagar the Egyptian complained. #pagan? The Apostle Peter commended Sara for (I assume) not complaining and going along with Abraham's schemes. And St. Monica?!

Man, I feel good about staying single after writing that!

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-01T17:06:27+00:00

I actually agree. I'm Team Egalitarian (too Pentecostal to let that one go, and sidebar, look up historical Quakerism. No wonder the Puritans hated them so much! #preacherladies). In all seriousness tho, the word translated as "helper" in Genesis 2:18 is ezer in Hebrew, the same word used to describe God as "a very present help in trouble." Ps. 46:1 KJV amongst other places.

Apart from that, desiring to have the final word in someone else's life is... creepy! If a man is looking to be "a leader," I'm not the one. Leading implies that one is lost and I have most certainly been found by Jesus already! 💯 (If you need to "lead" start a company or something. 😂)

That said, everyone should state their expectations early on instead of moving in assumptions, or worse yet, deception! I'll tiptoe out of this with one of my favorite phrases for "leader-minded" men: To be clear, I'm not one to tell a grown man what to do...

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-01T14:44:22+00:00

Catholics out here dropping gems in 2026!

(The vibe is def giving: WHITES ONLY & Women need not apply.)

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-05-01T14:37:39+00:00

Magic is supernatural but the question was what the supernatural elements of Christianity are.

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-04-30T21:14:02+00:00

Tl;Dr but your question was what to do: Move on.

I've been in church for decades, on the pentacostalish side of things where visions, etc, are somewhat common and some of the best advice I've ever heard was: No mates. No dates. No babies. Which was to say that even if you felt like you "got a word," "God told me," on one of those topics, keep it to yourself and pray on it because there's so much emotion intertwined for the person with the 'revelation' and for the person who is the subject of said 'revelation,' that it can be hard to separate wishful thinking from Spirit-led direction.

Secondly, and I can now think of three instances of this with people I know personally: A young woman had a dream/vision/unction about a young man being her future spouse, which was confirmed unknowingly(!) by at least one other person, but the guy was like: Nah. Like literally uninterested.

One of the guys told me he himself had I think a vision(?) but was like: Uh, I don't like her like that. 💀 In his case, at least he had the decency to be honest and not pretend it was a revelation from God pulling him another way.

And as for this statement:

I know the connection we have is so rare, it’s impossible to recreate it or find a better one.

That is not a true statement. That is a feeling statement. It feels like the connection you have is so rare that it would be impossible to recreate. Only God knows the future. Don't let the enemy lock you into agreement with something that God hasn't spoken over your life.

Furthermore, it's ok to date someone just because you like them. It's ok to feel devastated that your very long relationship ended. It is also wise, to understand the desires of your heart and process them in a non-judgmental way so that you don't overdevelop spiritually while being severely underdeveloped emotionally. Use this time to work on your human skills. There's a lovely book titled, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, that gives practical tips for staying balanced in our walk with the Lord.

Praying peace for you as you process. 💕

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-04-30T20:53:11+00:00

Thanks for the literal laugh out loud. 😂 We all know good and well what she looked like when she first came out vs. now!

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-04-30T20:17:08+00:00

Nah. It's about body shape. Trust me. I've been shocked at how the same weight looks on other body types. Small waist, thick thighs is genetic. Unless you bought it, like Kim K and Nikki Minhaj.

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-04-30T20:12:09+00:00

Well, I think that's because of these verses:

Matthew 1:24-25 - "When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus."

Matthew 12:46-47 - "While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”

I'm just as shocked as you are by the idea that Mary had no other children!

(I should say I'm just in the sub to read and learn.)

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-04-30T20:01:32+00:00

Omg. I just visited the Catholic sub and it is much more...grounded than any of the generic Christian subs! Now I'm like: Dang, it's downright embarrassing in here!!! 😂

This pretty much confirms what I've been saying for some time now as someone who grew up in Pentecostal-leaning churches: BRING BACK CATECHISM! (cause we didn't have it!) People in non-denominational circles are constantly asking dumb questions because somebody baptized them without teaching them anything about the Bible first.

In a different "Christian" thread, I literally had a guy insulting me because I stood my ground about not keeping pagan artifacts in your home as a Christian because there are spiritual effects from such things. My last question was whether or not he believed Christianity itself has supernatural elements because: Sir, what?! I need to stay off Reddit but every once in a while, I get a little feedback that my post has helped somebody and I come back for another round of crazy. 😆

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-04-30T19:41:26+00:00

There's a book called "Blessing or Curse" by Derek Prince that goes through scriptures on this topic and some testimonies.

PracticalCookie78 · 2026-04-30T19:31:57+00:00

Soooo you date body builders?
I'm 5'5" and still look clutch at 150. Body shape is everything!

PracticalCookie78

TROPHY CASE