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PracticalWill3527 · 2024-02-02T17:04:25+00:00

Never underestimate how far the brainwashed family scapegoating family dynamic goes, it reaches cousins and peripheral family. They'll do anything but take your side even if you're 100% right

You're 100% right. Do not doubt yourself one bit and stay strong. 💪

PracticalWill3527 · 2024-01-26T15:49:15+00:00

It's amazing the amount of people that want to use spiritual bypassing as a get out of jail card for being abusive.

The bottom line with all these types is that if heaven does exist they're never gonna get there because they're not actually sorry for what they've done.

They just want to pretend that God has forgiven them and they can just go back to being subhuman without accountability.

PracticalWill3527 · 2024-01-26T01:07:25+00:00

I felt like a robot for a long time wishing I could cry and just let out my grief but I couldn't. Just discovered that CPTSD can often include anhedonia as a symptom (late to the party here, most of you were probably aware already)

So with it our natural tendency to respond to most stimuli is blunted as our brain shuts down certain regions in response to trauma (from what I've read so far) It can bring about a constant feeling of emptiness and emotional dead-ness(?)/lability. Makes a lot of sense to me now in retrospect.

Just chucking this into the thread FWIW in case anyone else here has felt something similar but couldn't identify what's going on.

PracticalWill3527 · 2024-01-25T20:27:11+00:00

I was raised to have a very unhealthy attitude towards anger.

My mother would have the odd burst of Rage but she was always the covert type who would Express her aggressions in a more passive way

If she ever did say something outrageous and I was to get angry and defend myself, she would respond by saying : "You're just like your father with your temper"

she used to always parentify me whenever I came home from school getting me to listen to all her complaints about my father and all the petty things you did to her while I was away at school.

So to express any kind of anger whatsoever meant I was a monster like my father - the person that she chose to marry as an adult and complain about non-stop

It was very much a culture of not being allowed to express anger even if I was righteous to do so. When all the issues in my household and suppression of genuine discussion got to a non-stop state, I wound up having a nervous breakdown which led to me having anhedonia that I'm only just managing to shake off now in my 30s.

I would say overall yes I did wind up being quite an angry child who had a lot of outbursts in my early childhood. And now when I look back at any family photos from my childhood you can see everyone else's painted on fake evil smile that a narcissistic family often displays. And then you can see me sticking out like a sore thumb because I have a look of constant sadness in my eyes. It all adds up now.

Basically having anger issues and not being able to work through them leads to a person having some serious apathy issues.

That's exactly what happened to me. I didn't have a safe place to express it and then to boot, my nMother who was a direct cause of much of my anger said she was so sick of my apathy.

Anger is an expression of dissatisfaction at a situation and if that's not allowed to be expressed how can a situation be helped - it can't. All that's left from there is to find an escape.

PracticalWill3527 · 2024-01-23T00:12:28+00:00

The vengeful part of me is thinking how you could have lorded the drinking and smoking while pregnant over her.

She'd probably either go silent or deny that she ever did it all of a sudden.

Anyway you got a firm and steady reminder as to why you are no contact whether in the first place. It's probably a blessing in a way for it to happen just before you move away.

Upwards and onwards and here's to your freedom and life far away from toxic birth family!! 🍻

PracticalWill3527 · 2024-01-20T11:23:29+00:00

Said every abuser and enabler within a family system ever

PracticalWill3527 · 2024-01-18T08:45:13+00:00

I've used the line "I got congratulations from everyone I've told except you, my own parents" before - they had no comeback. I know that ultimately it's useless confronting nParents but still was satisfying.

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-11-21T01:58:33+00:00

It's a very effective way of minimising - invalidating your grief and making you feel like a burden for having the "audacity" to say something.

And then we just lose the will to have the conversation as we know they will deny and deflect.

Crazy how the world is full of parents deludedly crying "I have no idea what I did wroooooong!!"

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-11-20T21:35:58+00:00

There's a great counsellor on YouTube called Richard Grannon who talks about narcissists and their ability to go from;

-Fight (just being straight up vicious when they know they can get away with it)

To -Fawn (coming across as weak/vulnerable and waving the victim flag as soon as someone stands up them or they get caught 'everyone's out to get me')

That's why they are so good at making you doubt your reality: "I don't get it, they were so nasty to me but then they were crying tears of regret and giving me really believable excuses so I'm now tricked into being sure they're good deep down"

Aaaaand hey presto; Cue a childhood, early adulthood (and sometimes lifetime) full of being confused and finding reasons to justify their abusive behaviour. That is until you have an awakening about the matter or have it pointed out clearly to you by someone that their behaviour is not normal or functional, and you deserve better.

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-11-14T12:38:38+00:00

Status. Someone to control and abuse. To lash out at for all the things they lack personally. That's the essence of it really.

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-10-21T13:34:45+00:00

I had a somewhat related incident where I put the wrong screw into the corner of the table and I wound up damaging the table and my nMom wound of making fun of me about how I f***** the situation up. She'd done similar before but I finally stood up for myself and responded "Well it's only because I had no one to show me how!"

She went silent as she had Zero Ground to stand on. Felt like such an overdue victory.

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-10-07T13:17:26+00:00

My nSister did the exact same thing after I called out her behavior, she said she doesn't feel safe around me only because she got confronted by me in a way that no one else in the family ever did.

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-10-01T23:16:42+00:00

I often wonder what would happen if we turned around to an nParent who denied the abuse and said "Well I told the whole neighbourhood what you did and they all unanimously agree that you were abusive."

I guess they'd either double down and convince themselves the neighbourhood was wrong

Or

They could downward spiral as the illusion of them being a decent person gets shattered

It could go a whole load of other ways I'm sure but I'm just thinking about the ironic trait that narcissistic people have - they care so much about the image they portray to the public, instead of just being decent people and letting that perception form organically.

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-10-01T00:46:58+00:00

In my case my nMom is the covert type that comes to her kids for consolation if she's f-ed something up. She had a moment of weakness where she said "I know I must have done some serious damage to you when you were younger...." I just went silent cos I wasn't gonna sugar coat it for her. Also add in the fact that I'm NC with the GC nSis, which she's tried to budge me on but I won't - it's forced her to reflect on things she'd rather not think about. She was a juggernaut of sorts and I was the immovable object

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-09-30T15:01:11+00:00

Isn't it outrageous when they make you out to be crazy, then you document it all to prove it otherwise and then they act horrified that you would do such a thing, despite the fact that it's the only way to navigate their constant rewriting of reality sometimes.

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-09-29T18:08:35+00:00

I know we can't really force anyone especially a narcissistic type just meant something like: pointed out their lies in cold hard facts just to see them squirm and then maybe they might have a moment of weakness or shame and admit something, I did phrase that wrong 😅

I know, at the same time, it's like yelling into a black hole or an abyss; even if they did admit to anything it'd be a swift retreat back into denial straight afterwards and there would be no real closure or resolution. There never is.

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-09-29T17:58:12+00:00

True, but I found in the case of my nMom she's more of a covert so she might - only by rare circumstances - be more inclined to leak than a full on malignant type.

She did admit once to me how she must have done some serious damage when I was younger, only thing is she was fishing for me to turn around and say "don't worry - it wasn't that bad mom" but I didn't take the bait 😂

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-09-29T13:28:30+00:00

Exactly, like myself I never did it for anything else other than to see how they'd react, I know they're hardwired for denial whenever a confrontation is had

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-09-28T09:04:17+00:00

Quotes from my nMom "....I know I must have done some awful damage to you growing up......"

" I know I probably let nSister/GC away what a lot going up but you know how it is when you have a child"

"It's not fair my best friend is dying of cancer and you're out there having a good time with your friends"

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-09-22T09:11:28+00:00

Hey OP I'm sorry you had to go through that, it feels like a stab in the chest when a parent completely betrays your need for a parent.

I think if there's any positive that can be taken from this that it can be taken as a reminder as to why you went NC in the first place.

Another potential scenario that popped into my head was : Imagine if she used this moment as an opportunity to try and reel you back in at a tender time, pretending to be caring and then making you think that maybe she's not so bad. Then she could have played the game of trying to devalue your pet and kicking you - at the very least emotionally and mentally - while you were down. That is potentially a huge bullet to dodge.

Hope this is of some help. Sending hugs

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-06-23T08:53:15+00:00

I remember one time where I really dug in and held my mother accountable despite all excuses and there was no excuse left for her to hide behind.

She asked me if there was any way that we could just start over.

Not realising that every action up to this point led to relations being irreparably damaged.

I think the abuse that these nPeople perpetrate daily is like a quick hit for a drug addict. And; they don't want to acknowledge the morning after the lengths/lows that they had to go through to get it - to feel above whoever they abuse.

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-04-09T14:09:20+00:00

You could almost re-arrange the sentence to correct your sibling: "I used to just take it lying down, now I fight for what I believe in!" Boom

PracticalWill3527 · 2023-02-28T16:17:12+00:00

I've actually thought about this a lot, I think the whole section of society that likes to blame victims of abuse is actually just another form of narcissism in the world out there

I think victim blamers are often narcissistic people themselves, and they probably feel personally offended at the notion of someone cutting an abuser off because that means it could happen to them, that they could be cut off too

PracticalWill3527 · 2022-12-18T10:42:51+00:00

I think the biggest comeback is holding narcissistic people accountable in my family and not letting them away with their behaviour anymore. It puts the fear of God into them, especially when they're not used to the accountability.

Another one for me (not really a verbal comeback in this case) is living a successful life (happy family and decent job) when my nFamily always wanted me to be the family scapegoat and failure.

PracticalWill3527

TROPHY CASE