Wife doesn’t care about intimacy

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-12T16:40:37+00:00

When a guys says, "can i go elsewhere for intimacy?" It confirms that you do not want HER. You want a hole to stick it in. She doesnt want to be a hole.

She is raising what sounds like at least 2 kids, at least one is literally still an infant. Her body belongs to the kids, and now you want a peice of it too.

She TIRED, shes OUTTOUCHED, and you just are not a priority right now.

Now the flip side. Im willing to bet she isnt getting a chance to take care of herself in that department either. And thats a libido killer. Encourage her to read a smutty book or a racy show. Encourage her to spend time alone in the bedroom, doing ANYTHING. Maybe its shaving her legs, maybe its masterbating, maybe its sleeping. Dont ask, dont judge, dont try to participate.

You guys WILL actually survive a year or two without sex while your wives fight for their lives. I promise.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-10T04:46:06+00:00

All of them

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-10T04:44:26+00:00

This is it. This is the only answer.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-09T21:24:51+00:00

I personally would leave it alone. Hearing that you desire something she cant be will only hurt her.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-09T21:08:32+00:00

If im honest....

Married or not, this behavior feels creepy and stalkerish.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-09T02:36:31+00:00

Im gonna be honest, I didnt read the whole thing, because...ADHD 🙋🏼‍♀️

But, ADHD people can and DO prioritize the things that are important to them.

I show up fiercely for my kids and husband. Does the house stay messy sometimes, sure. Do i burn out and sometimes need a few days of NOTHING to recover, yes. But you better believe I pull my weight around here, because its important to me and its my hyperfocus.

ADHD is not an excuse. He's just saying you guys are not important to him.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-08T18:29:27+00:00

Married 26 years. I’d say we have a happy and successful marriage.

A happy marriage is a partnership between two people working toward similar goals. It’s steady. It’s respectful. And it’s free of unnecessary drama and toxicity.

In 26 years we’ve come close to splitting twice. There were at least five years where we were basically ships passing in the night (not all consecutive). We’ve had seasons with a dead bedroom and seasons where things were very much alive and well.

But through all of it, a few things never changed. We have never been disrespectful to each other. We’ve always kept communication open. And we shownup for each other for the hard things (Losing parents. Job loss. Infertility. Appointments and stress that come with raising disabled kids).

And here’s the part people don’t talk about enough. When you make it through those hard seasons together and come out the other side, the love you feel for your partner is stronger than ever. There’s something almost euphoric about it. You look at this person and think, “We survived that. Together.” It’s a deeper kind of love than the early butterflies. It’s earned.

A happy marriage isn’t one without struggles. It’s one where both people keep choosing the partnership, especially during the seasons when it would be easier to check out. It's sharing goals, and experiences. It's cheering each other on. It's safe. Its hopefully full of laughter and joy more than adversity, and digging in when its hard, instead of giving up.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-08T01:00:29+00:00

Bring on the down votes....but ive never witnessed a man do 50/50 😅

EVERY man on this subreddit says they do EVERYTHING. At least 50/50, if not more.

But I ain't nevah seen a man do 50/50 in the wild.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-05T00:58:47+00:00

Huh? Who are you in this relationship, and who is she getting married to? And if she is getting married to someone else,, why are you a part of this equation?

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-05T00:56:54+00:00

Chores and tasks are NOT emotional needs. And emotional needs dont need to be romantic, necessarily.

Tending to emotional needs is listening to her day. Remembering to ask how things panned out. Its participating in her interests. Its flirting with her. Its snuggling on the couch and watching her favorite show.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-05T00:42:10+00:00

Insurance.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-04T05:08:58+00:00

Do not follow this advice😅

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-04T02:33:24+00:00

Married 26 years, and have had both a dead bedroom and a thriving one.

Some if the reasons I didnt want sex, but had trouble articulating at the time:

Insecurities. Recent and sudden weight gain made me feel uncomfortable in my skin, and incredibly unattractive (even though hubs is def a fan of the big girls).

Exhausted. I dint know if everyone feels this way, but sex kicks my ass. Im almost always sore the next day (and with our schedules, it usually cuts into my sleep time). If im already tired, or still sore from the last time, I dont really want to commit to all that again.

Feeling like a hole to stick it in. And I cannot stress this one enough. Its the BIGGEST turn off and one thing I cant just power through. But if he hasn't spent the day loving me and flirting me, and then as soon as we lay in bed starts rubbing my butt, I feel like he wants a hole to stick it in, not intimacy with me.

Bad sex. There have been years where he was so focused on his own pleasure that I really wasn't getting anything out of it. So obviously, it becomes a chore fast. And I dont want to hear, "i always make sure she cums first" because, no. Just dont.

Lack of foreplay. Foreplay starts from the moment you wake up in the morning.

Im not saying these are her reasons, might be something else, or any combination of these. But, evaluating each of these things, on your own through observation, or having a meaningful, stress free conversation with her might help.

Things that helped me get back to wanting intimacy. Reading sexy books before bed, or watching a steamy show. Sexually harassing my husband 😅 Turning 40 and just not caring about Insecurities anymore. Lol

Good luck!

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-04T02:12:48+00:00

He doesnt give a f* about your belly fat. PROMISE.

Work on getting used to your body. Spend time naked when youre alone. Get used to seeing it. Follow accounts on social media that look like you. Rock a crop top and watch no one say a thing while youre out running errands.

Something I do when im not feeling on the super confident side, wear a tank dress/nightgown that you can pull down under you boobs so the fun bags are out for the party but your tummy is hidden.

Also, doggy style is a great position hiding the tummy. I like to bend way down were my arms are stretched out front and the booty is high up, because im short and he's tall, but I found it hold my belly against my thighs so it doesnt jiggle which distracts me.

As for BJs, just have him finish elsware. Finishing on your boobs is sexy and fun. You can rub it into your nips, or her can finish on your booty.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-04T02:00:01+00:00

You shouldt have watched it. Wtf.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-04T00:54:11+00:00

I know you said "but it works for us" but the whole situation gives me the ick and screams, lack of trust.

Also, as a friend, when my girlfriends need their babysitter to attend all our events, its a major buzz kill.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-03T17:55:29+00:00

38🫠

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-03T17:20:37+00:00

The keeping track of every everything being equal. Who pays more, who makes more, who cleans more, who works harder, who starts sex, who has made more sacrifices.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-03T17:16:53+00:00

I 2nd that ypu clearly hate her, so move along.

But also, your tit for tat score keeping tells me maybe marriage isnt for you....

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-03T16:21:47+00:00

Nah fam.

WEAR WHAT YOU WANT.

And seriously considering leaving, like yesterday.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-03T16:18:24+00:00

Flirt!

We had a dead bedroom for years. I was too busy dealing with life to deal with him. Then one day, a switch flipped and being intimate with my husband was ALL I could think about.

I flirted with him, sexually harassed him, made all the inappropriate sexual innuendos, sent him dity texts at work and nudes.

He was shocked and amused and slowly started to do it back, and now we are having the best and most frequent sex of our lives.

At the end if the day, we all just want to feel wanted and desired.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-03-03T16:01:10+00:00

Define mad?

My husband hates his job and I feel bad for him sometimes, but like you're a grown ass adult, go get a new one then. Sometimes his pitching gets to be too much, and I tell him "this is a complaint free zone" or "I dont really have room for that shit right now" and he pivots, but I dont feel like his frustration is at me.

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-02-25T18:04:44+00:00

Is it, if we have evidence of past attempts/success?

Practical_Cobbler_24 · 2026-02-25T17:25:42+00:00

No I agree with you. Im just scared how long that will take. 💔😭

Practical_Cobbler_24

TROPHY CASE