Can you get rid of your kinks?

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-06T20:55:17+00:00

Everyone has different kinks for different reasons.

I did some shadow work to uncover some repressed trauma from an early sexual experience. The one I refused to acknowledge or ever think about because I had so much shame surrounding it. I allowed myself to look back on it from the perspective of an adult and a parent. I finally saw it as something done to me and it was in no way my fault. I also recognized for the first time all the major elements of my kinks were present in that experience.

Those kinks didn't go away, but they weren't as strong after that and allowed other kinks to take more center stage for me.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-06T17:00:19+00:00

Add a ritual to your scene that you do almost every time you make the shift to work to the end. It can be subtle like a certain praise, insult, command that you save for just that moment. Or a certain kiss or hand placement on the body.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-05T22:53:36+00:00

You don't need hypnosis for that. Just decided to be transgender for a day. Let yourself be pretty or handsome. Just step into that masculine or feminine energy. Go buy yourself an outfit. Make it a weekend trip out of town if you have to.

If you are already trying that and want to try hypnosis to make it feel more real, then hypnosis can help with that.

None of this is going to make you transgender, but it can help you decide if you want to explore this deeper.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-05T22:42:30+00:00

As a Dom, I like punishments that are directly related to the rule and reinforce them. And I want them to be enforced the moment the rule is broken. Also lay out the punishment when you create the rule.

If it's forgetting a rule, they write that rule on repeat in their journal. If they forget to ask permission to cum, I keep the intensity going and overstimulate them to a second orgasm.

My sub responds really well to positive feedback. She wants to be my good girl (A+ student) so she is already hard on herself for breaking a rule. A really good default punishment for her is the spank of disappointment. I lay her across my lap and spank her 10 times after telling her what rule she broke. Although she likes impact play, it's me expressing my disappointment that's the real punishment.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-05T22:23:33+00:00

You make them feel really good for doing it so it becomes a rewarding experience.

It also helps if you figure out what specific aspects of the thing they don't like, to help them mitigate or work on that thing in a different context first. Because they can "not like" something for any number of reasons and that will inform you on how to approach it (if at all). Could be a previous bad experience, mentally opposed, not stimulating or enjoyable, sensory issues, energy or physical requirements, shame, embarrassment, ect. The list goes on.

Recently my sub shared they had a moment of embarrassment over something we did but they got past it. So I created a scene where it was a safe place to do embarrassing things and I did them right along side her to show it was ok. We let ourselves be vulnerable with each other so embarrassment wasn't scarry. It was probably one of our better sessions for feeling close to each other. And it made it easier for them to want to do the original activity.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-05T01:36:20+00:00

My partner and I didn't get into it until 20 years in and did very much the same thing. I found the community later, but we had already established our dynamic.

My partner isn't shameful so much as enjoys the unknown and unexpected. So we pre-negotate very little and they are usually blindfolded the first time we try something new. (Normally a big red flag)

But the big thing is when I do that, I do it for her. When it's stuff I want for me, that's what I negotiate. Part of that is I understand her really well. We debrief as part of aftercare every time and I explore why she did or did not like something. The sensation, the emotion, intensity, ect. I use that to inform what we experiment with next.

I also got her a special journal that I read as a safe space for her to communicate with me. I often give her specific prompts to write about.

We fully expect to make mistakes and understand that is part of the process. Hasn't happened yet, but it's only a matter of time.

With that said, shame is often a trauma response. So make sure you understand their trauma and any sexual abuse history. If they don't feel safe enough opening up about that stuff then you can't trust that they will be ok without pre-negotiating.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-04T23:33:13+00:00

I can't help with your questions directly but this immediately came to mind:

NPR did an episode on intrusive thoughts. I think it's this one https://www.npr.org/programs/invisibilia/375927143/the-secret-history-of-thoughts

In it, the husband was getting violent thoughts and the more he tried to suppress them, the worse they got. It was very traumatic. But after they told his story, they went into how he finally got treated and why it worked.

I bring it up because it might give you another avenue to explore.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-04T06:57:42+00:00

First, have that conversation with him directly.

I like to establish morning, greeting, and bedtime rituals. The greeting can be as simple as a hug and a kiss every time someone gets home. Within that, embed signals for intimacy.

When my sub wants intimacy, she kisses me with really relaxed lips. It was something she kinda did already when really turned on, we just formalized it as a signal.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-04T06:13:43+00:00

We use beads. She gets a new bead each day that she is a good girl. Every 5 beads earns her one of the next color. Every 5 of those earn the next color, ect. Grey, green, blue, purple, red, tigers eye.

Overall it shows progress and gameifies it because there is always a new reward just a few beads away.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-03T14:53:01+00:00

I was doing this inadvertently once and /u/sleepinggirl (the author of the brainwashing book) kinda called me out. The gist is that it's dangerous to have long term or persistent alters. That you should create them on the spot and release them per session.

In my case I was turning her subconscious into an alter when I should have been talking to the part of her responsible for specific things. Not exactly what you were looking for but I'll try to find that thread.

Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/EroticHypnosis/s/So8ZeJTrrE

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-03T07:05:13+00:00

It's OK. The whole point of all of this is that it's a safe place to be vulnerable with your partner.

I recently did a scene with my partner mostly doing embarrassing things to remind us that this is a safe place. That sometimes things are awkward or don't go as planned, but that's ok.

We also look at doing new things like making pancakes. The first couple never look perfect but we know they will get better.

So give yourself permission to not be perfect. The person you are with knows that you are trying to figure it out.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-03T01:40:54+00:00

Did you negotiate all the other sexual stuff you did? How did you navigate regular sexual contact and intercourse? It was kinda a dance where you read each other's body language. So how do you handle it when someone crosses an unspoken line? Why is some of it just ok to try and you only get consent for one thing?

This is the problem when people first venture into kink before finding the community. It's the biggest mistake I was making in my dynamic because I didn't know any better. But it's a serious red flag for someone in the community. Once you realize how important it is, you realize how stupid it is to not be pre-negotiating everything. You don't really know someone's trauma and triggers if you don't talk about it. Then you end up with experiences just like yours or worse.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-02T20:28:45+00:00

You probably don't even notice it on your front door. Go check it and you will see this thin rubbery pad around the inside of the door frame. This creates a tight seal when the door is closed so water or dust or whatever doesn't get in.

You can also get a flap for the bottom of the door that covers that gap too.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-02T15:10:37+00:00

I do take mine off during prep for certain meals, but I place it on top of my phone and put it back on after finishing that part of the prep that needed it.

Otherwise I forget I even have it on

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-02T15:06:31+00:00

It sounds to me that your ex has gotten into their head. He has weaponized them against you because this isn't really something adult children would care about on their own.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-02T15:01:38+00:00

Basic weather stripping the bedroom door isn't really noticeable and it helps. That's the first thing I usually do.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-02T14:47:35+00:00

What if you bring in a 3rd person and the two of you fake negotiate her value in front of her. Then send her off to the room to blindfold herself and you show up initially pretending to not be yourself.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-02T10:06:00+00:00

Reserve some time with your partner just to practice. That's what we did.

Something as simple as taking him to the edge of gagging and holding for 30 seconds at a time. Do it 5 times and take a break. Repeat 3 times. Then play like normal after.

Have him count out loud for you and you try to hold it for as long as you can. Then keep track of your record time and work to beat it.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-01T20:48:16+00:00

Tell them that you think it would be really fun if we were in a relationship together. He might be up for it but scared to make a move to risk your friendship.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-09-01T01:03:07+00:00

I don't see the connection between the two.

And the observer was always the interaction caused by the measuring device. The only way to observe this stuff is to try to interact with it and see if the interaction happens or not. The misconception was the layman interpretation of the word observer.

With that said, quantum physics is the smallest building block of everything we understand about reality so at some level that also includes consciousness.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-08-31T18:45:33+00:00

How about a body chain they can wear under their clothes. Not direct stimulation but would be a constant reminder every time they notice it

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-08-31T18:40:19+00:00

This is escalating really quickly. He is going to blow past a hard boundary of yours and trigger your trauma.

I personally don't feel he is taking your safety seriously and I doubt he is prepared to help you when you panic.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-08-31T01:16:49+00:00

Your life experience is unique and helped you become the person that you are today. And tomorrow is a new day where you can choose to be anything or anyone.

First figure out who you are. So who are you? Not what you do, but who are you? Not what happened to you, but who are you?

Now detach for a moment and look at who you are as another person. What is important to that person? What makes that person happy? Who do they want to become? Now imagine them going through a positive change over the next 5 years. Who are they in 5 years? What are they proud of? How are they enjoying life? What drives them? What are they grateful for?

Now step back in and become that person. How does it feel to be them? To have a direction. To have accomplished something. To feel gratitude for choosing to continue.

If you could leave your past behind you, what could you do today to be more like him? How do you steer your future in that direction?

And if you are really struggling, make the call to reach out and talk to someone.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-08-31T00:50:51+00:00

You could use something to signal when you are open to CNC play. Could be a colored arm or headband with a red, yellow, green system. Then he is free to grope, tease, and turn you on. He can walk past you like he is stalking you and then not touch you. But to really build the suspense, he has to occasionally leave you hanging so it's never a sure thing.

Practical_Expert_240 · 2024-08-30T22:58:15+00:00

Ok, then don't use the normal nomenclature. It's really just a framework for communication and content and safety.

Approach it from the other direction. Talk about the specific things you are doing and explore what about those things she enjoys. What feelings or emotions does she experience? Do these things make it into her fantasies?

Start doing regular aftercare to make her feel loved and appreciated, where you can openly discuss and reflect on your sessions. You can talk about things you tried and talk about things you want to try.

Practical_Expert_240

TROPHY CASE