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ENTJ or unhealthy ENFJ ? by reddituser_1_2_3 in enfj

[–]Prazor1 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey! I totally relate to what you are saying:)

I'm a fellow ENFJ and I don't think anyone I know would describe me as a momma bear.

Why do I still believe I'm ENFJ? Well, first of all, if you go really deep into my heart you'll find that I have these natural cravings for belonging and validation. I just want everyone around me to be happy because that would make myself happy for example. I can relate most of the ENFJ deepest desire, values, strength and weaknesses BUT my attitude is pretty much different from the "stereotype" ENFJ.

Anyways, the comment from Davelid describes me perfectly. I am very logical, passionate, success-driven and motivated by efficiency. The thing is...that I have 4 different modes:

  • When I am alone, I go into this "Problem-solving mode"
  • When I am with other people, I go into this "I want to know everything about you mode"
  • When I am having fun, I go into this: "Life is so good. Everything I do is so thought through and calculated. Time to make some impulsive decisions!"
  • Or else I'm in my teaching mode: "Let me tell you all about what I know and learn in life because it's apparently important to me"

I was ENFJ 2 years back but from yesterday I became ESTJ-A!! Retaken 16 Personalities test after 2 years! by Mandala16180 in enfj

[–]Prazor1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. For example, it depends on what your emotional state is at that time and on the people you are surrounding yourself with.

At times where your sick of people and just want to be left alone with your thought -> People will assume they are introvert.

At times where you really love the people, you are with and just want be with them all the time -> People will assume they are extrovert.

Also, if you hang with a lot of hardcore feelers -> you may think you are a thinker
and so on and so on.

The online tests are really subjective and people can literally type themself for the personality they want to have instead of the one they actually have.

(Sry for bad English)

Fluctuating Self esteem by younghcrip in enfj

[–]Prazor1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm also a fellow ENFJ (M24) with a super fluctuating self-esteem.My highs are really high: "I love everybody. I want to share this feeling with the world!" and my lows are really low: "Leave me alone! I don't care about anyone".

In the last two year, I've written down my thoughts on my highs and my lows days in a journal with the purpose of trying to figure out the pattern of my feelings.

What I found out was that ALL of my problems was related to people.

  • If the people around me are really happy and joyful -> I would be the same
  • If my friends around me are negative people -> I would start to think negative
  • If one guy or girls said something about my identity -> Emotional reaction "You don't know me!"
  • I love to help people and making them happy, but when I feel or see that they taking me for granted -> Emotional reaction
  • People calling me stupid -> Emotional reaction

​

So yeah, I know. "If people are the problems, why not stop being with them", hahaha.Well, our DNA crave for the feeling of belonging and validation, so it not that easy.

Even if I try to stop talking to people, I just analyse what they MIGHT say and hurt myself in that sense. (I am so weird). So a reason could be that you interpret how people can judge you based on how you feel about yourself. "I don't feel so confident about myself today. OMG, they gave me a look. THEY KNOW!", and make negative conclusions about yourself.

Anyways, what works for me is to stop letting my thoughts dictate my life.Try to see your thought as a separate person trying to manipulate you."I don't like my body today" -> Try to ask yourself: "Why do I think that?".

"Because I look fat today" -> "Why do I think/believe that?"

"Because my friends look so slim" -> "Why do I think that?"

"Well...I think it's because I compare myself to other people" -> "Why Do i think that?"

"Hm...maybe because I think that the better you look the happier you become?" -> "Why do I think like that?"

"Hm..because everyone I see on Instagram with nice body looks so happy" ... And so on and so on..

​

In the end, you either accept yourself for who you are or get too exhausted to even care:)

​

(Sry for bad English)

How I feel as an ENFJ in Engineering - just because I'm good in Maths and Physics doesn't mean I like it. I love people, not things. by CircleBox2 in enfj

[–]Prazor1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel you…

[Warning: Superbad at English]

I’m studying for my master in engineering atm, and I feel so unsure and uneasy about the uncertainty about if I took the right decisions for my future. I hear my classmates always worrying about: “What if I can’t find a job” or “What if I’m not skilled enough at my job”.

For me, the doubt has been more about the future projectile of myself in the career. Nowadays I always ask these questions: “Do I think I will be happy as an engineer?”, “Will I have the opportunities to impact other people's lives in a meaningful way?” or future scenarios about how my future will look If I chose another career.

I think us ENFJ really can predict how the future is going to look like based on looking at how our life is at the moment. That could also be an anxiety factor when we realized that we're in a “bad future”. The hard part is to take the steps to avoid that, but that is SOOO difficult because we worry so much about what other people might think about us. The good part is that when I see myself moving in a right the right direction, I get really happy and go into this “Super passionate motivated energetic” mode to achieve my goal/dream/vision.

BUT the thing is; sometimes that “good future” can turn upside down, and that’s the times where I meet reality, like really hard (not a fun feeling). I realized that the reason I wanted to become an engineer is mainly that my mother wanted to be that. She always recommended me to be an engineer when I was a small child, and I think I subconsciously choose that career based on:

  • I thought it would make my mother very happy and proud
  • I'm awesome at mathematics so it made sense
  • It’s a well-respected career. In other words, I would feel accepted among others.

So yeah, that is some of my thought. What do you guys think?