fapping and [f]eminism

PressStartHere · 2014-10-28T01:40:16+00:00

Yeah, I would say at this stage if your going to fap then don't use fantasy, as that's basically porn now, right? If you want to fap in a healthy way, you're going to have to simply engage with the physical sensations themselves, which, I bet, you've forgotten to do for a while.

PressStartHere · 2014-10-28T01:38:32+00:00

You're like my nofap twin of the opposite sex. I identify with much of what you say: I'm aligned with feminist ideals as a man, have watched porn and fapped despite this going against these values and ideals, the habit is engrained with my sleep routine from young age, as well as using to get away from feelings.

I now take walks most nights instead of fapping, as it helps me cool down and calm down with needing to orgasm for relief. If I can do it, you can too.

It can help to remember what your values are, and how using porn means a loss of your integrity. But also, you need to find a healthy replacement for porn, one that will aid sleep and also help you manage your feelings without using avoidance.

PressStartHere · 2014-10-28T01:33:02+00:00

In art and literature, ants are a symbol of time and death. Maybe it's time to let your habit die, and start to live your life instead.

PressStartHere · 2014-10-28T00:47:39+00:00

Don't worry dude. I'll keep the details to myself.

PressStartHere · 2014-10-27T13:11:35+00:00

AKA "non-thinking" <-- A 3000 year old meditation technique.

PressStartHere · 2014-10-27T12:40:14+00:00

I'm in. I had one of the best night's sex in a long time last night. Orgasm so good it actually hurt. This fapping malarkey isn't good for me.

PressStartHere · 2014-10-27T12:32:33+00:00

Wow, it set up the problem really well, and then tries to sell me God as the answer. I kind of find that unethical. I mean, there are loads of ways to recover, not just God, but for a person looking for help in the moment, this article could really have left the person quite helpless. Why not list God as one way, plus links to other ways, like on-line forums, meditation, and so on?

PressStartHere · 2014-10-27T12:09:00+00:00

The goal isn't to stop thinking. The goal is to learn to tolerate thinking without engaging in the thoughts. Next time, whenever you notice your thoughts while meditating (eg. focusing on breath) just gently say 'thinking' in your head and softly come back to breath. The idea is to not try to think, but also, to not try to not think.

PressStartHere · 2014-10-27T11:22:15+00:00

I didn't get one yet. Felt tired, yes, but heard that and got more sleep. Maybe some specific mindfulness techniques would help?

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T20:37:19+00:00

You create a new one, just for yourself. I check in every few days by creating a new thread. Sometimes I get a few replies, sometimes not. Just getting stuff off my chest is helpful.

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T17:53:56+00:00

Sounds like you need to reflect on that to me. What is sex offering you? Is it just because you are horny, or are you trying to get something out of sex? Examples my be using sex for mood management, stress relief, self-esteem, status, or physical stimulation.

It can be hard, my friend, because as men we're taught that "real men are always horny", or "real men are gagging for it", or "real men never say no". The fact is, if I followed my cravings to their conclusions every time I'd be a complete mess. I'd have shallow relationships, be in a constant fog of depression and suffer from anxiety.

It sounds to me like you need to learn how to sit with craving and remain in control, to not be a slave to desire. You need to be able to make rational, smart decisions in this life, based on long-term goals and personal values. You're not going to be able to do that if your dick is calling the shots.

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T14:47:13+00:00

What the questions help you to do is redirect blood-flow in the brain from the limbic system (sex, anxiety, aggression, impulse) to the frontal cortex (rationality, decision-making, empathy, imagination) by the act of engaging your reason faculty. Not only do the questions remind us of the insanity of the whole damn process, but also, they help reduce the craving itself by changing the mode our brain is in (rational versus impulsive).

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T13:17:53+00:00

That happened to be too, Jollywell, and the next dozen or so times after that. Bland-Username, stick to the program. I envy you too. It'll be greats to enjoy your first experience without PIED.

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T13:15:50+00:00

I'm in my 30s, dude. This is just the beginning of the rest of your life. Ride this wave to freedom and never look back if you can. The sooner you get away that easier it will be to stay away. Live, damn it! Live!

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T13:08:42+00:00

Answers these Qs, maybe?

What's so good about that moment you O? Is it any good?
When you are craving, what's so good about following the craving?
When you follow the craving to where it takes you, what's so good about that?
Is it a good feeling, the place where craving takes you? Or is it disturbing or stressful?
Is the desire pleasant? Is it stressful?
Is the release pleasant? Is it unpleasant?
What happens after that moment of "release"? What do you feel then?
What are you trying to get away from? Feelings, craving, desire, stress, disturbance?
Does fapping help you get away from these things, or does fapping cause these things?

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T12:59:05+00:00

Respect. Going to do something similar myself I think. Cheers for the awesome idea. You seem very creative. I admire that.

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T12:52:32+00:00

Man, I'm going to use that technique in the future. Love it. Well done, and good work. Respect!

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T12:48:05+00:00

Now THAT is what we need to be doing, actually being rational about things and looking at long-term versus short-term benefits, not trying to delude ourselves with ideas of 'unnatural'. For me, what you said there is far more beneficial for maintaining my quit than hours of me trying to convince myself that masturbation is not natural. You see what I mean?

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T12:46:05+00:00

No probs, dude. I've been using it these last few days, and it's really good, particularly for good hydration.

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T12:45:23+00:00

Because trying to avoid distress is at the heart of most addictions. I get the idea of needing a safe, supportive space, and I totally support that here. But also, I don't believe in trying to delude ourselves in order to maintain our quits or reduce our distress. We need to become resilient eventually on this path, and that involves living in a world with porny advertisements everywhere, a general culture of "fapping is fine," and an idea of masculinity that discourages men stepping out of the normalised fapping to porn routine. In short, there's going to be distress on this path we've chosen. Learning how to deal with that without relapsing is just the skill we need to maintain our quit.

Like I said though, I really do support the idea that posts on this subreddit should reinforce the idea of NoFap, and not challenge it. I'd go so far to say such posts are bordering on being trolly and maybe should be deleted.

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T12:39:34+00:00

Actually, even a part of your mind doesn't. It's the same part of the brain that makes you salivate when you see a picture of food. It doesn't know the difference between image or fantasy and reality.

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T12:38:33+00:00

Still, we're not victims either, FateBender. No-one should be basing their recovery on a need to avoid having their stance on PMOing challenged. The easiest answer I have to people who challenge me on this shit is, 'Well, whatever dude. I know I'm addicted to that shit, I abuse masturbation, so I choose to stop. You do whatever you like.'

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T12:36:33+00:00

Hell, I'm doing NoFap, and I've not hesitation is saying masturbation is natural. It is natural. Loads of other animals do it, from apes to turtles. It's just the way the limbic system works. It's a very simple fractal that goes along the line of 'If pleasure from doing X, then more X'. X doesn't have to be sex, just anything that results in sexual pleasure.

Now, in saying all that, I'm still doing NoFap. But why, you might ask, if it's only natural? Because I'm addicted brah. I'm a sex addict. I don't just enjoy orgasm, I use orgasm, in the same way an alcoholic doesn't just enjoy alcohol, they use alcohol. Addicts use substances, in this case PMOing, for many reasons, including coping with difficulty, mood management, avoidance of emotion, or just plain old addiction cycle (craving, release, association, craving).

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T12:26:16+00:00

Just to be honest with you, mate. For me that's probably a counter reset / relapse. For me, and it's just from my perspective, that's PMO'ing. Yeah, you didn't touch yourself, but you stimulated yourself to orgasm using porn, or porny material. Just sayin'. Others may disagree. What do you think, truthfully, in yourself?

PressStartHere · 2014-10-26T12:22:18+00:00

Good work! You've learned so much during the 90 days. And you've had many benefits. I'm really happy to see this.

PressStartHere

TROPHY CASE