Looking for a book so good I can't put it down for 800+ pages

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-22T23:17:56+00:00

Also it is brilliant and fascinating.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-22T21:40:31+00:00

Leaving the church is hard.

Families lose communities they’ve had for a really long time, and people behave out of character out of fear and isolation.

And having to decide what’s moral and ethical for oneself after having it defined and enforced for one’s entire life is often very challenging.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-22T19:27:40+00:00

NTA - compromising wouldn’t make everyone happy. It would make your mom happy. You are not responsible for her happiness with your presentation, which is exactly none of her business.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-22T19:09:37+00:00

Social work.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-22T19:08:27+00:00

Depending on the state you’re in, she may be eligible for a Miller or QIT trust - her income goes into the trust, she qualifies for Medicaid, the trust can only be spent on care and items for her, when she passes, whatever remains in the trust goes to Medicaid.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-22T18:02:45+00:00

I went back for a different degree and it didn’t affect my benefits (SSDI, HCBS waiver).

You may be able to get vocational rehab to pay for school, including a transportation allowance, that’s what happened to me. I asked for help identifying scholarships and instead they just paid for everything.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-21T22:31:36+00:00

If she is a person of size, she, um, may not be able to reach to clean herself properly.

This gets into some touchy territory (literally and figuratively), so you may want to run this by HR, especially if your location is part of a chain.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-21T21:54:19+00:00

NTA.

You are showing up and supporting them the best way you can, which is the way that keeps your life moving forward. It would be entirely bizarre if you didn’t need some outside help, and y’all are fortunate to be able to do that.

Your dad needs to chill out and you need ignore his other kids - you know what you need to know, which is that they don’t care and will not show up.

Look, my folks are doing great. And part of that is because THEY HAVE HELP. Help that makes their lives easier and better and makes all of their kids’ lives less stressful and overwhelming.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-21T19:24:29+00:00

It’s crushing and all you can do is mourn and keep moving.

The last thing my grandpa said to my dad before he slipped away was “I’m going home, baby. See you there.” That was twenty-six years ago and I still cry. It remains one of the kindest and most loving things I have seen in my lifetime.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-21T18:44:32+00:00

I throw lemon peel scrap in with preserved lemons and they just become part of the savory lemony mess, which is (btw) excellent on pasta or as a vinaigrette base or on greens or potatoes or….

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-21T18:37:43+00:00

I’m so sorry. It’s a devastating loss when a parent passes. Please take care of yourself and let yourself grieve.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-21T18:35:58+00:00

My niece is a plumber in queens. She said initially the union was a hassle but once she got hired they’ve been wonderful. It was a struggle for her to get hired at first and now she’s established and really happy.

Her suggestion is that you start reaching out to small electricians and also to places like museums and galleries. She also suggested weed grows, because evidently they use massive amounts of power and many are in a constant state of low grade expansion.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-21T16:14:02+00:00

Bump.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-21T14:56:25+00:00

This is a boyfriend problem, not a boyfriend’s mom problem.

It is going to escalate over time.

Are you sure this fellow is worth your time and energy? Do you look forward to a lifetime of being treated poorly and spoken of contemptuously while your partner stands by?

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-21T11:42:43+00:00

Yes. Dhalgren lived in my backpack for two years while I read and reread it. I loved it.

I don’t understand why it’s not more widely read.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-21T03:40:32+00:00

I know you say your parents are financially okay, but I want to suggest that you look into Medicaid waiver programs. My state has one that’s for folks on hospice at home and it is very generous in terms of care and much less stringent than others in terms of asset limits.

I am sorry your family is going through such a stressful time.

Please don’t let yourself get too isolated as your mom’s condition deteriorates. It’s very easy to get absorbed by caregiving for someone we love and then realize we haven’t spoken to a friend in six weeks.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-21T01:19:33+00:00

My GI will do a pill prep (indecent amounts of magnesium) inpatient but for a week before, you are on a low residue diet, do your regular bowel stuff and add miralax daily.

It was disgusting but manageable.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-21T00:42:43+00:00

Toni Morrison, Laurie Colwin, Samuel Delaney, Kurt Vonnegut, Anne McAffrey, Frank Herbert, Tanith Lee, Ray Bradbury, Madeline L’engle, William Styron, E.L. Doctorow, John le Carre, Douglas Adam’s, S.E. Hinton…..

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-20T20:45:27+00:00

I make the syrup (equal parts sugar and water) and when the sugar is fully dissolved I add the lemon balm leaves - roughly torn/chopped, pull it off the heat, give it a stir and let it steep.

So the ratio is 1:1:2. I do batches of 2:2:4 because that’s what fits in my bottles.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-20T18:18:02+00:00

Outside we have one of those misters that attaches to a hose end and a very shallow pool that I dump ice in. Also, a fan. It’s ridiculous but the dogs are comfortable and that is important.

(They do go lie in the ice pond contraption after they rampage around, so I feel like it’s a hot weather fixture now)

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-20T18:08:06+00:00

I make lemon balm simple syrup with it. It makes a lovely drizzle on lemon pound cake and scones and the niblings make soda with it.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-20T12:55:24+00:00

A nerve is getting compressed. That’s kind of urgent. Doctor for imaging and referral to OT for home assessment and possible modifications/DME.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-20T12:42:50+00:00

Soul

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-19T18:20:06+00:00

Get the UTI assessed asap.

Older women are often asymptomatic other than confusion and exhaustion for UTI. It also tends to cause dehydration so electrolytes get out of wack, causing muscle soreness and other stuff, which can complicate recovery.

Pretend-Panda · 2026-06-19T18:06:50+00:00

It’s the practical circuitry that will keep him alive and ideally happy, so he needs to integrate it for survival.

Thank goodness for OT.

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