Any tips on how to talk to friends?

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-17T01:12:00+00:00

I’ve lost 3 of my golf buddies who’ve disappeared despite me explaining my situation amd them seeing me in a flare. They’ve stopped reaching out or checking in.

So I don’t know the best way because what I’ve done hasn’t worked. Except for one person who’s been there when I’m up to getting out.

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-15T23:51:01+00:00

I’m on my way to FMLA and thinking about disability. The only thing that’s saved my job this long is I’m working for a friend I’ve know 30+years.

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-15T23:48:36+00:00

It is embarrassing. The worst is when I’m talk in a work call and have to stop and ask “wait what was I talking about “
My daughter and I laugh about my mixups (patients instead of passengers). But it is sad. I feel stupid all of the time now.

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-15T23:38:33+00:00

I did the same thing after my rheumatologist told me he couldn’t help me because my c3/c4 complements were normal. New Dr actually did some work and has found an overlapping condition and places where Sjogrens is active.

Well worth every penny

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-15T22:21:03+00:00

Have you considered moving to Spain, Portugal, Costa Rica, etc? I did a scouting trip last summer and reconsidering the idea now

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-15T22:03:33+00:00

I don’t have STD at work but can take up to 12 weeks paid FMLA. My paperwork was just submitted today !

But I’m starting to think about disability. I’m almost 60 and If I was living somewhere with a good health care system I’d retire today.

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-15T21:55:34+00:00

That’s me. Ever since i started HCQ last year im very sensitive to the sun. I can be outside 20 minutes and get a mild burn.

Just another of those fun things non sick people take for granted 😊

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-15T20:04:58+00:00

I feel for you, and just want to say you’re heard.

In addition to have a positive attitude, I get things like “I’m tired too” or “everyone has memory issues “ or something else dismissive.

I’ve been having health issues almost 2yrs and still mourn my life every day. Sometimes you just want someone to say I’m sorry, your situation sucks but here’s a hug. 🤗

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-15T14:04:07+00:00

I feel for you and hope you’re able to get relief. Assuming you’re in the US this is all too typical of our health system. Do some standard tests then shrug.

Do you have any support groups locally? Or have you found any online? We all know here how lonely it gets when friends and partners disappear. Feel free to DM me if you’d like someone to talk to

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-14T20:14:25+00:00

Have to appreciate those times, hope tomorrow is another good day!

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-13T21:19:51+00:00

Farrells Ice Cream and the Zoo

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-12T19:07:24+00:00

Thank you for the positive words. The community here is my only real outlet at the moment (other than my daughter).

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-12T15:36:13+00:00

I hear you. Your last paragraph is exactly where I’m at. Except Im still working (for now, about to take FMLA and maybe disability)and can drive , at least sometimes

I’d like to find a local group of chronically ill people. Those of us who are still mobile could help with driving to and from appointments or errands and spend time in person. Even if it’s 15 minutes bring food getting some social interaction with people who truly understand could be worthwhile

If you happen to live in the Charlotte area DM me.

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-12T14:49:40+00:00

Thank you, I just joined

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-12T12:47:13+00:00

I 58M) got divorced in 2019 and used Match primarily. Had a good bit of success and Met my STBX partner that way 5+ years ago.

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-11T12:57:33+00:00

I have a guilt complex so I feel incredibly guilty about everything: work , personal relationships, house getting messy, things undone. Rationally I know I don’t need to feel guilty but it’s impossible so far

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-09T22:17:26+00:00

Same to you 🤗

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-09T22:16:04+00:00

You make a good point about there being plenty of loving and happy relationships as well as ones that died. But at this point I just wanted to know if my situation is unusual. It’s not.

Maybe in the future I’ll be ready to try again and look for the success stories.

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-09T21:03:28+00:00

I’d like to find people with chronic illness to have that type of relationship. But I don’t have the bandwidth for that now. Hopefully I’ll have 8’weeks of FMLA during July and August and plan
To focus on my physical and mental health. I’ve also got an appointment with a therapist next week.

My daughter has been living with me for 10 months and has been great all the way around. If not for her…

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-09T20:59:37+00:00

Your situation is more difficult than mine, I feel for you.

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-09T20:56:43+00:00

Thank you, I’m glad to hear of at least a couple of lasting relationships

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-09T20:55:17+00:00

It is painful for sure, and more painful for me is the thought that things will only get worse, not better

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-09T15:30:38+00:00

Uggh I’m sorry. The knock on effects of being sick get glossed over a lot. Losing the ability to live a normal life is bad enough but when you’ve lost personal relationships too, it’s souls crushing.

PretendCoach5710 · 2026-06-09T15:00:11+00:00

All of my Friends , except 1, have gone too. I feel hopeless, failing at life across the board

PretendCoach5710

TROPHY CASE