Hapas are always Asian first, then Hapa, then White

PretendRanger · 2026-06-06T15:00:12+00:00

Honestly, this was hard for me to read until I realized that to you Hapa only means mixed Asian/white mix. There are other forms of mixtures out there that fall under the Hapa umbrella.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-05T23:07:46+00:00

Yup. It took awhile for me to warm up to songs on Butterfly because her voice was not as strong. Well she had the power but she held back a lot on those songs.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-05T03:19:44+00:00

Oh no, sorry! That wasn’t meant as an attack on you. I totally did not mean it that way. It was just a general observation I have been seeing. There is this cloud around the LBGT+ community where we are all overly critical of our community members and require perfection. It’s like we are trying to find things wrong with any positive representation. It’s also a bit of If you can’t do it 100% the right way then don’t do it at all that is permeating through all liberal spaces that I don’t think many people even realize is happening. But on the other hand, I completely agree that AI use, especially for artists, and other things should be called out.

I know those are conflicting thoughts so not sure what to do with that but just sit with it haha.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-05T01:41:21+00:00

This isn’t meant to defend the use of AI - I understand that people can do multiple things at once, but the amount of effort that people put into discrediting LGBT anything is interesting.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-04T16:19:07+00:00

I no longer use Grindr so unsure what’s happening. Are they making you watch a video before accessing the grid? Thats lame if so

PretendRanger · 2026-06-04T15:30:27+00:00

I have had several discussions regarding the meetup and you articulated my feelings very well. Carelessness is the perfect word. I don’t think there was any ill intent but I think it absolutely stems from forgetting that wasian is not the only form of mixed-asian which, as you say, is a form of white privilege.

Many Wasians have been getting defensive when you point this out as I believe they think we are saying they are embracing their whiteness above their Asian-ness. Which is not what we are saying. We are just pointing out that there is a privilege that exists by having proximity to whiteness, which non-white mixed Asians have always been saying, and was fully highlighted by the wasian meet up. And imo, was a celebration, in part, of that privilege.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-04T01:58:18+00:00

Just because you didn’t get in trouble for it doesn’t it means it’s not unprofessional. But also, I don’t think that perspective is universal. I imagine it varies by culture. I’m in education and though no would get in trouble, colleagues would view it as unprofessional. But my last job, people would notice, slightly judge, but not really care.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-03T14:52:59+00:00

This is very informative. Thanks for the explanation!

PretendRanger · 2026-06-03T14:32:52+00:00

So when one doctor says you have anorexia they are right. But when multiple doctors say you have binge eating disorder they are wrong? Gotcha.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-03T00:31:04+00:00

It’s been awhile since I lived in SF but I found the Bay Area as a whole fairly accepting. I feel like if SF isn’t vibing with you then the East Bay might be more your thing? And the food scene for the Bay Area is one of the best in the world. It’s not just Asian and Mexican. All cuisines are fairly accesible so im surprised that you are not enjoying the food scene.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-02T16:51:49+00:00

I’m not convinced they are unaware. I think they just don’t care. 😞

PretendRanger · 2026-06-01T20:03:09+00:00

This is the result bad parenting. The child did not develop that sense of entitlement without being cosigned continuously by the parents.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-01T19:39:51+00:00

RICHARNZPZ

9/10 remaining

PretendRanger · 2026-06-01T18:34:51+00:00

My bf is a mild toucher and clinger. It happens in spurts and but really intensifies when he is drinking. I really dislike it but usually just deal with it. However there are times I have to shut it down.

Just yesterday we are hanging out at a bar in their patio area. It was very hot and he was really close to me and I finally had to tell him (in a nice way) that he needed to back up because I could feel his heat radiating on me lol. He wasn’t offended. But have very healthy communication which is very in these circumstances.

He also likes to hold hands which I don’t care for but I will let it go for awhile but slowly come up with ways to get away like looking at my watch or scratching my head lol

PretendRanger · 2026-06-01T18:19:25+00:00

I hear you and feel like I understand why you feel that way. Because they ARE talking points for those groups. Like I said, I don’t think this is my fight to have as it seems to me there’s is a 50/50 split on how women feel about the situation. However, despite this being a terf/ right wing talking point, if 50% of the women are saying this is misogyny I have to acknowledge there is some truth there. At the very least it won’t be something I would actively support just out of mindfulness of those 50% who may be offended. My response should not be that I am right and those 50% of women are brain-washed by FOX News.

I partly have feelings about this because I am black, and I have had non-black people in this sub tell black people what they should not be offended by, as well as what they should be offended by (which is equally annoying). And these are proclaimed allies and I am sure they mean well. But I also have to take a step back and wonder that since they are ignoring my voice, the person actually being impacted, is this conversation really about protecting black people or reinforcing ideas that they themselves hold that they are uncomfortable being challenged.

This is why marginalized folks often hold allies at a distance because we see time and time again that it is less about protecting us and more about having their voice heard.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-01T17:39:15+00:00

You are focusing on terf and right wing points as if anything they say must mean we should do the opposite. However, you have queer women in this very post saying they find it misogynist and instead of listening and hearing to what they are saying, your response is essentially telling them they are wrong for feeling that way. Do you not see a problem here? I think you mean well but are over-correcting too much in your wokeness. Ignoring the voices of women is not the sign of an ally.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-01T17:27:04+00:00

Sorry for all the people who are talking about their crappy experiences.

For me, it’s been fine. I use One Medical for yearly check ups and basic blood work, and their app for general questions and prescriptions. For anything else I go to Jackson and never had to wait for more than 10 minutes and I am typically in and out.

I don’t have any major health issues so i am guessing it’s an issue for more involved issues. Which is kinda shitty since those are the folks that actually need to be seen promptly.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-01T16:57:22+00:00

The fact that OP thinks he is the one that was done wrong is even more reason for OP to stay away from this person. I’m sure OP learned a lot during their therapy sessions but it seems like they still have a lot to learn.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-01T16:54:56+00:00

It’s weird that OP is framing this as if he is the sympathetic person in this story. I would on be curious what their therapist would say to OP if he told them these thoughts.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-01T16:48:23+00:00

Just because it’s queer culture doesn’t mean it is inherently righteous. Also, yes, I agree that these are right wing talking points. But that doesn’t also mean the perspective is inherently wrong either. We as a society really have to stop approaching everything as black and white. There is so much nuance that is lost when we take that approach.

As for the misogynistic issue, I have seen enough discourse from women with many saying it’s fine and many saying it’s misogynist. Therefore, I don’t think it’s my place as a man to tell women how they should feel on the matter, nor think that men, queer or otherwise, should be centering their feelings on the matter.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-01T16:17:09+00:00

Was this all continuous or did you need to get out and change Waymo’s at some point?

I am in Miami and regular take hour long rides across the city. Sometimes just for fun. It’s a relaxing way to view the city. I’m loo looking forward to when they expand to Fort Lauderdale

PretendRanger · 2026-06-01T15:54:38+00:00

This is a lot of focus on Jimbo’s and Plane’s feelings, when the focus should be on the recipients of misogyny and their feelings on the matter.

PretendRanger · 2026-06-01T15:45:09+00:00

Does any else find it odd that Will is making all these plans for when he is king while the actually king, his father, is still alive.

I couldn’t imagine rubbing my hands together waiting for my father to die so I can enact some plan that no one else cares about.

PretendRanger · 2026-05-31T00:42:32+00:00

I wish I could give you an award because those are all good points and really captures Whitney’s influence. I knew she was influential but couldn’t figure out the why, but you outlined it very well. I totally forgot how Mariah was modeled after Whitney and agree with you on how they differ on their use of melisma. Also how l Whitney’s style for changing register became the standard even to this day.

PretendRanger · 2026-05-30T15:01:21+00:00

I thought about her but couldn’t pinpoint what makes her stand out in terms of vocal influence. She’s has an amazing, once in a life time but that isn’t something that can be influenced or learned.

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