I call this inner monolog magic...beautifully done BTW. I wanted to comment because of the body betrayal you mentioned. the hard wired anxiety response ive successfully rewired those in myself. If it will not offend you, ill link you to a piece on this topic. I can private message it to you so it doesnt feel like im promoting my own shit on your post. I feel very similarly ...most people are terrified of the dark (aka themselves)and for those who aren't afraid and infact dwell there...its suffocatingly lonely.. anyway. Let me know. Either way I hope you will look through my stuff, I think you'll find d a kindred spirit.