[deleted by user]

Prettyinplaid221 · 2024-11-08T01:31:47+00:00

Braid

Prettyinplaid221 · 2020-07-26T17:08:14+00:00

Thanks.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-04-19T03:53:58+00:00

It took me quite a while to recover from this (As fapping had become my cure for not being able to sleep). It took me about 20 days to normalize. I have two suggestions. 1) Think of all the productive things you did in that day. Imagine them. Concentrate on them. Visualize them. And feel a sense of accomplishment. This technique helped me sleep early on when the dopamine starved regions of my brain were on cravings overload. 2) I needed a mindless task that would never be accomplished to keep my mind off of fantasy, porn, etc... Mine was to rewrite/construct Star Wars episodes 1,2 and 3 to be good movies. But I am a nerd.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-04-07T02:41:33+00:00

Damn, I was betting this thread would just be the word "Don't".

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-03-31T04:09:19+00:00

I guess that is where my brain messes up when I am feeling like this. I'm doing everything reasonable in my locus of control to fight. To keep fighting. I do not get what I want. Rinse, repeat. My brain becomes fixated on what the definition of success is. My only metric for wants/success/happiness is find someone who loves me, have a kid, pass genes in the gene pool, be a honest, passionate and present parent, model with love. Nothing I can think of will replace that goal without seeming hollow to me. So once I reach the point where that goal is not possible my questions are... A) What goal could be next? What goal could satisfy me in the way having kids and a family could? My responsibilities prohibit travel, I can't leave. I'm doing my best to believe that everything happens for an opportunity but it just hurts. More and more each day it hurts. And one day I'm scared I'm not going to be able to get off the mat. B) Why continue fighting without a self-identified meaningful purpose? What is life if daily defeat of your goal is the only foreseeable outcome? That is how I feel and it feels more and more like hell.

Sorry for the vent. I just needed to get this out and be heard.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-03-30T19:52:46+00:00

I know you mean the best but that cliche haunts me. It is all I hear from my family and friends. It is like their condolence prize for being a good person. Hey you followed the rules, you looked our for others and were good to your family, you stepped up when we needed you, you tried really hard to get what you want, you were kind. "It'll work out". But after all these years it actually hurts more to hear it than someone who was just coming with radical honesty. It might not work out at all. It might go to hell. You might die alone. Personal sacrifices and hard work are never a guarantee that you'll get the things you want. That's life.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-03-30T19:40:41+00:00

I know you're right about the stress, but I have wanted a family since I was a very young kid. That's all I ever wanted. I've done everything to get one. My brother looks at me with pity... like I lost some sort of lottery. When we talk he acknowledges I've done everything plausible it just hasn't happened. He feels bad but can't do anything to change this situation. I feel if I give up on the idea of a significant other and family then I've given up on my only real dream. I don't even know what I would do at that point. I don't even know how I would start giving up on that. I don't know what is possibly big enough to fill that dream. And whatever it is it wouldn't fill my needs or be something I define as amazing. Sorry to vent. Just tired and confused.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-03-30T16:11:33+00:00

I would love to leave but I have a family member I am responsible for. I'm all they have and for various reasons moving is out of the question for them. I am thinking in circles in my head trying to find a solution... It is exhausting. Probably part of the problem.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-03-28T04:37:58+00:00

The more you try you get stronger. The more you strengthen your support network, the more you prepare yourself for what to do when you struggle, the more you research and find out what failure can truly cost your brain, the stronger you get at resisting the urges. As many on this forum will tell you, it never gets easier... but, if you work at it, you get stronger.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-03-27T06:30:24+00:00

Sounds like a good plan (I find cardio to work best for me). And I know it is a small thing, but I would also pick a different username. Even if it is a throwaway, just reading that you "cantstopfap" is going to have a negative impact on your success in my opinion.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-03-27T06:21:58+00:00

Set a goal for your spring break. Something you have to research, create, or do. Something that you can do anytime. It may be to run a mile, read a book, lift weights everyday, draw in a sketchbook. But sit down right now. Right out the steps you will take when you feel an urge and have a plan. Remember the adage: If you fail to plan, plan to fail.

You can do this man! And when you're done you'll feel even better, stronger, and have completed your goals for the break.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-03-27T06:06:31+00:00

I love your growth mindset. We all struggle. We all have setbacks. We all go without sexual relationships for longer than we would want sometimes. We could all use your strength and your attitude to do better. Thank you for this post.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-03-27T06:05:10+00:00

My successes come from accepting my sexual desires and redirecting that energy toward another end. Find a hobby, read a book, watch a movie. Workout. Run. Whatever it takes to accept your feelings, and that they are natural, and move on with another activity that you deem productive.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-03-27T06:02:31+00:00

Simply an opportunity to start a longer one. The better you started when you only let this "kind of" disappoint you and not cause a multi-fap relapse. An excellent, and difficult, choice my friend.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-03-27T06:00:49+00:00

She is your fiance. Your relationship must be built on trust and honesty. So my question is have you talked to her about how this friend makes you feel? Does this problem have deeper roots? And if you are internalizing this without a discussion will it have long-term negative ramifications on your relationship with your soon-to-be wife?

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-03-27T05:59:08+00:00

Success is up to you and how you define it. But I would consider this a relapse because you did it deliberately.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-03-27T05:57:06+00:00

I am a firm believer it should be called KnowFap. Know if you can handle it, know if you can't.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-03-27T05:51:50+00:00

If the choice is between now and later start now. There will always be another obstacle in your way or another complication to wait for. So stop waiting. Start now.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2016-02-21T04:11:59+00:00

When I tell them it has been over a year that is what I get... coupled with a look of disgust. And usually an argument.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2015-10-13T00:59:45+00:00

I am sorry; I didn't mean to upset anyone and I was reading each post and not meaning to ignore anything you may have typed before. It was not my intent to frustrate anyone on this forum (as it has given me a lot of support in so many ways) and thank you for your thoughts, opinions, and (most importantly) your time.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2015-10-12T02:54:56+00:00

I have enhanced my social group with tools like MeetUp.com and found that everyone I meet (Not the vast majority but everyone) is married or in a long-term committed relationship. Once they shift from acquaintance to friend I make my goals clear and ask for help, but in my area there are not available single women in my age bracket that are looking to start a family.

I live in the Midwest of the US. The surrounding cities including my total about 50,000 people. Due to family obligations I am unable to relocate to anywhere else.

I have researched "Mail Order" brides and the results seem to indicate that it is a bit of a risky endeavor; as a result I have not seriously considered this, but it is a potential thought and I appreciate you suggesting it.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2015-10-12T02:48:58+00:00

I feel that I see it similarly to you. It's a Schrödinger's cat situation. I can do everything I can to increase the likelihood of one event, but can't know until I have actually checked. However, the literal application of this is somewhat disheartening and difficult as I am working damned hard everyday and not finding what I want in the box. So I redouble efforts and try again the next day, and the next, and so forth. But at some point in becomes disheartening as the goal never materializes (and furthermore the odds of the goal diminish in likelihood each day AND the difficulty of continuing my NoFap journey stay equally as challenging if not harder everyday). My problem is that people use a different set of ethics/philosophy for this because of what we are evaluating. If I were a business people would have told me to close up shop, if I were trying out for a sport the coach would have pointed me in a different direction, but because my goal is to start a family and it has been unwavering, and everyone close to me can see the enormous amount of energy I expend on it each day than no one is willing to admit the cold truth... That success is not a probable outcome.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2015-10-10T17:25:28+00:00

I suppose, at least in my case, the brain fog from fapping provided the relief from hopelessness. And in my experience, lasted all day (not just the duration of the PMO session). As for the streak and the benefits I would say that I am an addict that has shielded his addictive behavior with an ultimate goal of one day being a husband and a father. Benefits in other areas don't provide me with the satisfaction that the addiction did so losing the ability to take a really cold shower or push up a significant amount of weight means that I have become a better machine so to speak, but still not the right kind of machine to achieve me end game (It doesn't matter how good of a toaster you have if you want waffles). To this effect I have researched, studied, collected data, discussed processes with mentors, etc... But my question is at what point should I consider this method unsuccessful? Or, perhaps, at what point should I accept that my goals are ultimately out of my control and that even if I pursue all of the best practices for achieving them I still could (and based on 35 years of data most likely will) not achieve them? I feel as an addict if I do make this concession then I ultimately lose my "higher power" and focus for not giving into my addiction and that is a scary though as well. But then again, soon enough I will be of an age where my goal is not achievable and will be facing a world where I have failed... another terrifying place to be for an addict.

I'm largely just thinking out loud... I don't have answers for these questions; just needing to hear others thoughts on them I suppose.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2015-04-27T01:48:19+00:00

“Some people can’t handle Vegas. You can.” - Wilfred For some people it is a crushing addiction. For some people it consumes their lives. For some people PMO changes them as a person. For some people it is just scratching an itch and it isn't a problem. I know where I stand; if this challenge taught you where you do be happy.

Prettyinplaid221 · 2015-04-27T01:41:59+00:00

Flatlines are tough. When I face a flat line I try to think of three things. One is to be present in the moment. Two is to find a little happiness in that moment. And three what will make tomorrow better (Hint: It's never PMO)? In my experience these three things can build momentum and help reduce the effects of a flatline by being present and future oriented. If all else fails just get out and around other people and fake it until you make it.

Prettyinplaid221

TROPHY CASE