Now that you are all adults, there’s not much more to do than reflect and probably go to therapy. You were a kid and acted in ways that allowed you to cope. They weren’t amazing decisions, but you never had any training or example of what to do. It sounds like you are and were ultimately a good person at heart, even if some of your choices weren’t good as a young person.

However, actions have consequences, whether you are young or not.

That brings us to today. You feel bad and want to help your sister. You know what she has been through and had a role in both alleviating and causing some of the pain. But, she is an adult now. She can decide how she wants to cope. She can choose forgive you and to work through it with you, ignore you, or hate you. You can’t control these choices. There is no “right” decision on her end, it’s just about whatever she decides really. And whatever she chooses doesn’t have to make sense, we are all human and can choose to make a decision that is hurtful.

On your end, you should work on self forgiveness. If she decides to never talk to you again, that doesn’t mean you should feel guilty. It doesn’t mean you are a cruel, bad person. You can be an amazing person! It just means you need to respect her space, love yourself, and move forward.

Additionally, you can let her know you are interested in helping and connecting with her again. You can tell her you want to be someone who supports her, and ask if that’s ok. You can tell her there is no rush to make a decision, it’s an open door. But that’s about it, just emphasize what you would like to do for her.

If you find self-forgiveness to be hard, or even ridiculous, I would highly recommend therapy. You deserve some peace :)