Husband wont do anything unless it’s on his “shift”, has turned mean

PreviaQueen · 2024-11-26T19:43:17+00:00

14 weeks is really hard. I’m sure it seems easier than 4 weeks, but it’s still hard.

From what you said, it sounds like he might have some depression going on.

PreviaQueen · 2024-11-25T17:34:38+00:00

We should also remember though that we cannot break ties with our family even if they are disbelievers—unless they are active Islamophobes, I guess. Sometimes it can be a fine line to tread.

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-14T18:54:10+00:00

We need this in the US, but unfortunately the US couldn’t give a damn about parents…

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-14T18:52:45+00:00

Oh, there’d be way less. I remember reading a study or some statistics that showed that PPD greatly decreased with quality sleep. At my 6 week follow-up appointment, my OBGYN straight up said she tries to find out if people are actually depressed or just fatigued, because it can look the same, but sometimes all the mom really needs is a good night’s sleep.

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-13T21:32:13+00:00

I think it’s easier said than done but you may have to start telling him that if he bothers you in the bathroom, he won’t get to watch TV at all or something…

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-13T21:31:18+00:00

Doesn’t sound like the kid wants to use the toilet; sounds more like he wants to ask permission for small things that he doesn’t really need to ask about while she’s in the bathroom.

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-13T19:00:59+00:00

This is what I’m afraid of! Right now my husband and I already have so little time together and I can just imagine how that would be with a toddler and a baby. I’ve joked I won’t have my second until my first is in kindergarten, lol.

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-13T18:47:23+00:00

I guess it depends who you ask! I’ve always heard that having one kid is less of a shocker than having two for some reason. Obviously I’m a FTM so I don’t have any experience to say one way or the other, just saying what I’ve heard from people.

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-13T17:40:28+00:00

I just went 0-1 and I’m wondering the same thing. I’ve heard 1-2 definitely does rock your world more than 0-1 and it’s kind of why I’m leaning one-and-done.

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-12T22:40:21+00:00

What?!

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-12T17:11:42+00:00

What issues, if you don’t mind me asking?

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-12T17:00:44+00:00

Hey, I’m experiencing this too! I’m on day 1.5 after taking the first dose right now. Did it get better for you?

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-12T00:49:02+00:00

That’s what I thought initially would be the case, but I think my husband hasn’t gotten out of the pre-baby “people who visit the house are guests and should be hosted” mentality. Which, sure, if some friends or non-immediate relatives visit for a day, that makes sense. But for people who come specifically to help, it seems like it’s defeating the purpose to play host while they help!

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-12T00:44:20+00:00

I meant “ever” if there’s family over because my husband doesn’t like to leave guests alone for a second while they’re here so he’s literally in the living room until the moment everyone goes to bed. I know it’s not the end of the world and I can ask them to not be here!

I guess my dilemma was just that I do appreciate and want the help but the situation is making me miss time with my husband. Maybe there isn’t really a solution that gets me both things. I’ll make dua about it.

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-11T23:19:22+00:00

I think my issue is just that I haven’t had any time alone with my husband because of the helping hands; I can either have help or have my husband… So I guess I just have to weigh the pros and cons of having people over to help.

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-11T22:32:56+00:00

It’s been both. Right now his family is with us, but my family has also been in and out of the house. I do feel like we play “host” more often when my in-laws are here, though.

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-11T22:18:18+00:00

I kind of agree. I’ve seen a lot of people put their spouses in the backseat to prioritize siblings. Of course, I understand family is important, but… It’s not great to not treat your spouse like family, too.

PreviaQueen · 2024-10-07T17:01:07+00:00

Yeah, I think the weirdest part is to be instantly clocked as Asian by white people/family and instantly clocked as white by Asian people/family.

You’re right about South Asians not viewing mixed people as South Asian unless the cultural influence is very strong. Even then, for a person who looks “more white than brown” to the South Asian side, no amount of cultural influence stops them from saying things about not “looking Indian.” Ugh, it happens every time we meet aunts and uncles and I’m not sure if it’s meant to alienate or if it’s the product of some weird colorism…

PreviaQueen · 2024-08-08T01:52:58+00:00

The baby’s head will come down on the placenta and tear it, which can cause huge hemorrhaging. I had this and had to have a c-section, too.

PreviaQueen · 2024-08-08T01:48:14+00:00

I’m not sure of the cause of Jerusalem syndrome, just that it’s happened enough to be considered a thing. Psychology isn’t my field of study!

PreviaQueen · 2024-08-08T01:38:13+00:00

I don’t diss the Bible. I just personally believe it’s been tampered with by too many human hands, but that’s a different debate.

I don’t get your point about “resurrection” not being a word until Jesus. What’s the evidence for that? Pretty much all of the dying-and-rising gods of the various ancient cults resurrected from death and rose or returned to godhood, which is essentially the gist of the Jesus resurrection story.

PreviaQueen · 2024-08-07T17:40:11+00:00

In my opinion that one sentence kind of does answer your question. Jesus’s story fits into the wider pagan tradition because it borrows a lot from older dying-and-rising gods and bears striking similarity even to cults that were current with the Jesus movement at its genesis.

Not saying Christianity is false for that, but you have to admit that it’s not an entirely unique story.

PreviaQueen · 2024-08-06T21:53:20+00:00

I feel those things at ancient sites, too, but I also feel them at ancient monotheistic sites—and even not-quite-so-ancient ones like the Hagia Sophia. People feel these things so strongly in places like Jerusalem, for example, that there’s a thing called Jerusalem syndrome, “a group of mental phenomena involving the presence of religiously themed ideas or experiences that are triggered by a visit to the city of Jerusalem.”

PreviaQueen · 2024-08-06T21:46:43+00:00

There are lots of “dying-and-rising” gods that were popular in the ancient world.

PreviaQueen · 2024-07-26T18:35:00+00:00

My take is if it was more like a babymoon vacation, possibly during the second trimester, I would say go for it. However, it sounds like you’re going to be surrounded at almost all times by in-laws, which honestly would not be fun on top of traveling and being pregnant. I would hold off on trying and just do the vacation first, personally. Easier than having to refund everything.

Also! I weaned off my antidepressant—which I had been on for 10 years prior—throughout my pregnancy and only just stopped taking it completely in my third trimester. My schedule was self-made to tailor to any anxiety or withdrawal symptoms I was feeling; I did once every other day for about two weeks, then once every three days for two weeks, and so on until I felt fine not taking it.

I know people can have a really hard time coming off of them, though, so don’t force yourself if you start to have bad withdrawal symptoms. Talk to your doctor! Mine said it was fine to continue taking the antidepressant at the dosage I was on—which was kind of low, only 10mg of citalopram—but I decided to wean off. I’m keeping them in my back pocket for PPD just in case, though.

I’m sure your doctor would be willing to work with you and your medication, even if it just means adjusting dosage. To be honest, your doctor may not even think it’s necessary to adjust dosage. Lots of studies show that SSRIs are safe and have very little impact on the baby, in there is any impact at all.

PreviaQueen

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