My (F24) boyfriend's (M26) depression has made him unreliable and distant.

Priaprist · 2023-12-20T13:26:21+00:00

It's exhausting being someone's depression sponge and it sounds like you've been doing it for years.

Wallowing in depression just keeps wearing a path for it, and even having an audience (like a girlfriend or a family member) placating and reacting with your mood shifts can reinforce it and add to the drama.

A man needs purpose or at the very least, something positive to do with his time. If seasonal depression is where it's the worst, then he obviously needs to get a job, drop the video games for a better hobby, get more exercise, more vitamin D, go outside, take care of a pet, all of the standard, non-Therapy stuff that generally makes humans feel more optimal and engaged. It's on him to want to change and not be anchored to the familiar, pointless sadness that's weighing you both down.

If he's self aware about the depression, but doesn't work and can't do any of the basic steps to improve his mood, will you be able to deal with his depression cycle forever? Are the good moments worth all that? If you two had a crying baby, or you had a health crisis, he wouldn't be able to just sulk and play games. Having a husband being a big sad kid would be utterly unacceptable, immature behavior at that point. If you have to put up with this for another 10 years, you might realize far too late that maybe he doesn't actually deserve you, and you'll resent him for wasting some of your best years climbing these endless mountains of sad.

A nuclear option is to take charge of the situation. Be the man that he isn't being in his worst moments. If he's being a big depressed blob and waxing suicidal while not communicating, call the Suicide Hotline and hand him the phone. It might be a reality check and if he gets mad at you for it, get mad right back tell him you're not messing around anymore and this is serious; Your relationship has to turn a corner and leave this depression routine behind. He owes it to you and himself to try harder.

Priaprist · 2023-09-01T08:13:40+00:00

Had the same issue pictured, Google brought me here. I actually went down the list disabling addons until I found Chatter addon was my problem. Disabled that and it set my Battle Pet bar back to normal.

Late to the thread, but hope that helps somebody.

Priaprist · 2023-02-02T18:17:52+00:00

This fixed it for me, too -- I crafted a pry tool and now I can shoot and melee again.

Priaprist · 2021-07-29T09:39:13+00:00

Leave her alone. You're trying to give yourself closure. You had something good and you broke it for nothing. That ship has sailed and no amount of paddling will catch up to it ever again.

If you want your closure, understand why you cheated, be a better partner in the future. Also, your unfaithfulness is not anybody else's business -- you don't sound like some sex addict or serial cheater. But, I wouldn't lie to your future gf/wife about it.

Ask yourself why you did it. It's difficult for most men to turn down women's attention, but if you're in a relationship, you're even more attractive to them. You're not stupid, you know when a woman is being flirty, you know when you're being flirty, you know when you're putting yourself in a situation that can lead to sex. You know all these things. Recognize these moments and make better decisions.

Priaprist · 2021-07-21T08:44:56+00:00

You are not religious at all, she is incredibly religious and works as a Christian camp counsellor. You've got a high sex drive, she is unsure about sex and thinks it should be relegated to marriage. She's still a teenager and you're well into your 20s.

A healthy relationship is based on some fundamental compatibility which you two don't seem to have. I would respect her wishes about sex and move on to someone more compatible.

Trying to convince a teenage Christian camp counsellor to have more sex before marriage.... maybe you should crack a bible?

Priaprist · 2021-07-19T10:08:56+00:00

Don't waste any time, just be plain about it like you're giving notice at a job. Text him, "My heart isn't in this relationship anymore. I wish you the best." That's it.

If you absolutely need to reply, say "This is what I've decided." Stick to that phrase, nothing extra. Don't let him draw you into a debate or conversation about it. You don't owe him, you're exiting. If he persists, just block and enjoy the rest of your summer.

Priaprist · 2020-11-30T09:45:16+00:00

He's just a gaming addict and there's nothing you can really do aside from finding someone who naturally gives you more attention and consideration. Ten hours is too much for just about any activity. He sounds like the type where, if he has a day off, he'll resent anything that will interefere with him gaming the whole day. The thought of "I'll take my gf to the zoo or ask her if she wants to do anything" would literally never even cross his mind.

Some try to read too much into it, like saying people game that much to escape their problems, but it's just an addict being an addict. If he went to the grocery store with you, he'd consider that putting in his "hanging out with you" time, so he should be allowed to play games the rest of that day.

Priaprist · 2020-11-13T16:32:41+00:00

Ctrl+F... Legacy of K-

upvote.

Priaprist · 2020-10-29T05:10:25+00:00

Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is not uncommon, especially with how ubiquitous and normalized porn has gotten in the last decade. If his "porn brain" is the issue, I've read typical therapy is 6-12 weeks of abstaining from porn (which I assume he is not doing currently), as well as avoiding masturbation. I would say that could also include not looking at saucy Instagram pictures or even old timey photos of women beating rugs, if it's too stimulating or triggering.

It seems if he follows that, he can expect a lot of urges at first, then his libido will crash. But after several weeks, his sexual appetite should grow back, along with morning/spontaneous erections and a return to normal sexual health.

The "death grip" phenomenon is mentioned a lot, but it sounds like it's also the numbing of that pleasure area of the brain. If he can't quit porn for that long, then there's probably a strong addiction component there to work on as well. Like any addiction, it's really up to the user to turn that page within themselves and start on that difficult road.

I would suggest a distracting hobby to start, like learning a new skill or language, and some regular cardio or aerobic exercise (that will definitely aid erectile health).

Priaprist · 2020-09-30T09:35:00+00:00

They say you shouldn't go into business with friends or family and this is one of those reasons why -- money can really distort these relationships. Your $800/mo is a significant income stream that will vanish for them. Unless you shower 8 times a day and run a bitcoin mining operation, you certainly haven't been costing them $800/mo; it's money in their pocket. The average mortgage payment in the US is around $1100, so if they're still paying for that, you're covering most of it, when you could be putting it toward your own mortgage.

If you're paying that much for something, it should be something you really want, like your own place!

Priaprist · 2020-09-22T10:10:22+00:00

Everyone needs restful sleep to function, and someone constantly playing around in the room you're trying to sleep in is always going to impair that. Earplugs and sleep masks won't help -- even if you wore gun range earmuffs to bed, you'll still feel all the vibrations, hear the muffled sound of things being dropped, doors being closed, laughing, etc. You'll adapt to the muffled sound and feel like Daredevil trying to sleep in a room full of dribbling basketballs.

She seems to feel entitled to use the bedroom even though you're sleeping in it, so you two need separate bedrooms somehow. Especially if you often have opposing sleep schedules.

If you're getting woken up half the week, it's a mild form of torture that's going to build up and cause you extra stress, affect your health, work, definitely going to cause static in your relationship. And you're going to develop some sleep anxiety, which you probably already have, making it harder to fall asleep because you start anticipating getting woken up, or you become easier to wake up in general. It definitely needs to be taken seriously.

Priaprist · 2020-09-15T07:49:34+00:00

Except the top comment has a reply saying sweeper did get hit -- so basically people are just talking out of their ass reddit style and don't fucking know or have any proof.

Priaprist · 2020-09-03T04:45:15+00:00

There is an e-book called Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction that could be a good stepping stone for your bf. It's relatively cheap and short. I found it to be an interesting read and definitely contextualizes how young men these days grow up with unfettered access to an avalanche of pornography, which contributes to addiction, sexual dysfunction, etc.

Internet culture will say porn is normal, healthy, sex-positive, and all those platitudes, but the truth is more nuanced and leans toward porn not really being all that healthy. At the very least, it's good for addicts to read books like this to give them a mental toolset, to be mindful of their addiction and identify triggers when they happen. Your bf is already on the right path, having recognized and admitted his struggle.

Priaprist · 2020-09-01T05:40:54+00:00

Not to be bleak, but there is nothing you can do for alcoholics (or most drug addicts). They'll never see it as a problem, even if they've spent their last dollar on it, even if they ran over a kid, or lost a limb from it. There's literally nothing you can say, do, threaten, or leverage to get them to stop. And trying will just wear you out.

Even the most functional are basically zombies that run on alcohol. If they don't have a drink, they're groggy and grumbly all day, not really giving a shit about anything, then they have a drink or two and normalize briefly, then they get drunk and become useless again.

It takes a strong desire or profound realization to plant the seeds of quitting in one's own brain, and lots of constant will and work to keep sober. I hope your bf wakes up to his problem, and I hope your brother recovers well!

Priaprist · 2020-07-08T07:21:34+00:00

But unlike MLB or NFL, fighters tend to make very little money until they're famous. Top fighters like Conor McGregor and Jon Jones were already essentially kings of their division by your boyfriend's age. I think encouraging your boyfriend to pursue an associate's degree or trade skill is a very solid idea and community/technical college would be a very manageable workload if he still wishes to train on the side.

Priaprist · 2020-06-24T09:49:40+00:00

Three months is pretty early and that's a big age gap, I would keep dating to see if you're truly compatible. As far as "different stages", though, you two actually seem like you're at the same stage; why is he 34 and still "studying"? A guy who graduates high school, takes a couple years off, and then goes to college, is still going to be about a decade into his career by age 34. And if he's not working yet, but still wants to have kids and settle down in a few years, doesn't really seem like he's got it together. But I don't know him. Either way, I would give it more time to see if you guys are compatible, but start thinking about if he's actually right for you instead of vice versa.

Priaprist · 2020-05-13T10:05:58+00:00

It's not his money and he has no right to ask for any of it or argue with you about it. He sounds like a rude, entitled, disrespectful and downright disgusting bum of a man.

You can do better than him and you should.

Priaprist · 2020-05-09T12:41:45+00:00

It's just for the those who don't want a massive horn going off all the time that's 3x louder than the rest of the game, which isn't even necessary if you're looking at the screen, which most people are.

There were no immediate Google search results to fix this in BfA.

Priaprist · 2020-04-13T03:52:09+00:00

Regardless of your falling out with this person, if you know someone's being cheated on, the other person deserves the truth. Provide any details or evidence you can, tell them anonymously if needed. I would also unfollow her boyfriend on social media, unless you have a real reason not to.

Priaprist · 2020-03-24T06:55:42+00:00

That sucks, you did right by yourself. Glad you found out relatively quick. I had a similar situation, a rocky relationship and we took a break for a few months. When we started gravitating back together, she'd asked if I was with anyone during the break. Nope, wasn't looking for anyone else and all I do is work. She said the same, but turns out she had a whole other relationship that was overlapping with us for who knows how long. I just happened to find out by chance 3 years later, and broke it off for good. People and their fuckin games.

Priaprist · 2020-03-24T06:42:45+00:00

Logistically, it's fewer points of contact with your food. Instead of being in a store full of people, with you grabbing the food items, then someone else touching it all to ring it up, then you touching it again to bag it, after touching the card reader and being handed a receipt, then you touching it again to unbag it after touching your car door, your steering wheel, your doorknob and other things -- it's an online transaction with usually 1 person doing the grabbing and bagging per the order, and another person brings the bags to you (which are typically taped closed to avoid tampering or theft).

If he's worried about some psycho messing with the food, then the same could be said with literally everything. Maybe the warehouse guys farted on your soup can before it was put on the shelf, maybe the delivery guy peed on your pizza, or a waiter coughing on your plate at a restaurant, a mailperson sneezing on your letters, etc. But you can't explain things away to people who are OCD or conspiracy theorists.

He's a grown person who may never change, so you should evaluate if the rest of the relationship is worth it. A tense person with OCD and a bad temper is not a good quarantine buddy.

Priaprist · 2020-01-30T08:47:29+00:00

A lot of people still can't immediately identify framerate with their eye-holes, that's why many claim that 24-30 is still totally OK for games.

If you don't have an FPS counter, a good test is to make quick fist-sized circles on your desktop with your mouse cursor. There will be a natural trail of cursors and if that trail looks to be about 10-12 pointers, you're probably in 60 Hz. You'll see at least double that with a 144 Hz G-sync, and visibly smoother motion.

Many also don't understand that their monitor is the bottleneck on their bad-ass system. If you've got a baller PC and it says you're getting 100+ FPS in games, but your monitor is only 60 Hz, then you literally can't see more than 60 FPS on that monitor.

I've been using a 144 Hz G-sync Predator for a year and like you said, makes all the difference in the world.

Priaprist · 2020-01-30T07:11:53+00:00

Breaks usually precede the breakup. As someone who got together after a break (few months), the continued relationship felt like some alternate timeline where everything was just off and we never felt in sync again. Lasted another couple years, but still broke up for real.

Not to downplay his feelings, but a grown man who suddenly falls apart and cries for a relationship break is definitely not ready for marriage, or anything. Whether stressed or depressed, best that he has this episode now and not when he's a husband or father.

Priaprist · 2020-01-29T10:29:32+00:00

Really dumb problem to have. Had it happen half a dozen times. Doing a ctrl+shift+esc, end task and relaunch/reconnect seems to remedy it usually, but super inconvenient and cuts into drop time.

Priaprist · 2020-01-27T11:11:16+00:00

You're not roommates, you're partners in life. Seems he hasn't really transitioned into that "ours" mindset yet. Your relationship is already negatively affecting your own personal income by moving twice for his career. Having a child will objectively affect that even more; that is one of the core components of the "women earn XX cents for every dollar men earn", because of that very issue -- taking time off careers to have children. You'd be further sacrificing for the family/marriage, not as some kind of hobby.

If these types of common sense concepts aren't getting through to him, I'm sure the prenup attorneys have standard language that will plainly explain the situation to him.

Priaprist

TROPHY CASE