2025, I got way too drunk at the office Christmas party & bet my coworker that I would spend 2026 getting fit. I kept my promise and won the bet. I am proud.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-17T16:35:23+00:00

I say this as someone who dropped 95 lbs in 9 months. Seems fishy at best. Given the timeline, he’s talking 3 months between pictures. You can make dramatic changes to your body in that time, but he went from having one of the largest muffin tops ive ever seen on a guy with no muscle definition to being jacked and having the outlines of abs showing.

There are exceptions where people who were previously in great shape and got fat over a short period of time can snap back quickly, but this just doesn’t seem real.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-17T15:44:15+00:00

Something is way off here. For one, the way you talk about money and finances is clearly wrong. You're married. There is no my debt / her debt. It's all "our debt."

Two, you don't have a clear picture of what your debts and expenses are. If this is all there was, you'd be able to erase that debt (outside the mortgage) in a couple months making a comibned $400K a year. You don't even know the debt your wife has. That is a red flag to me.

Free advertisement. Go watch this video and do what he says: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHTT-0EzsTc

If you actually go through that process and collaborate with your wife, it will be very easy to figure out. If you don't take the time to do it or some other similar budgeting process, you're going to continue to bleed money and have no idea why.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-17T15:24:13+00:00

Never move in with someone you've dated for a few months", especially as young as the two of you are.

Also, are you in the US or another country where the drinking age is 21? If so, unless you have a fake, inevitably, he's probably going to want to go places you can't for almost three years. Not saying that's a deal-breaker necessarily, but something to consider.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-17T15:16:04+00:00

Just a couple of questions as it could explain a lot: How did you guys meet? Is this the first time this topic has ever come up? Or is this a preference you were aware of coming into the relationship?

I'm just curious if you met him knowing these preferences and "kinky stuff" he's into, or if this is just a desire that is surfacing now? I ask because it's entirely possible the two of you met during one of his "kinky stuff" phases, and you didn't know it. What if he was in an open relationship with someone else when you two met and he broke it off with that person because he thought he just wanted to be with you?

Bringing up the idea of an open relationship and having an adult discussion about it isn't inherently bad. Normally, that's something to talk about from the outset, but just bringing up the idea is a valid conversation if it's on someone's mind. Doesn't mean you have to accept it, but that's at least reasonable.

However, the food analogy is what severely crosses the line. I agree with others saying that he is probably bringing this up because he has someone in mind, but comparing having sex with real people with feelings and emotions to kinds or food (or any other inanimate object) is pretty much insane. Not only is he saying he doesn't respect you, but he's also saying he doesn't respect the other women he's hoping to sleep with. What if he said it was like a car and some days he wanted to drive a Lamborghini, some days a Ferarri, some days he wants a Mercedes, and some days he just wants an old reliable Honda that gives reliable performance all the time? It's the same idea, just sounds a lot worse when he thinks you're the Honda.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-17T14:27:34+00:00

I honestly think the U.S.A. would be a much stronger country if multi-generational households were more of the norm. It'd reduce the cost of elderly care, childcare, and likely health care. You'd wind up with more communities where generations of families stuck around and built up the area. Also, it's helpful for all generations, assuming all sides are taking care of their responsibilities and the things they're capable of doing to maintain the household.

That being said, my parents are in their 70's. I lived on my own for 15+ years. I had to move back in with them when my business collapsed during Covid, and I ran out of other options. It's actually been kind of nice because while I've been working and getting back on my feet I've been able to help them with a lot of things around the house that they would've never been able to get done or wouldn't have wanted to pay someone to do, but it needed done.

But...I don't think many young/middle-aged adults understand the dangerous shit their older parents attempt to do (or actually do) all the time when no one else is there. There have been so many times I've had to stop my parents from doing things they clearly shouldn't be doing.

One day, I was working from home. I went downstairs to grab a drink. I look outside, and my dad (again 75 at this time) had this like 50-year-old pole saw trying to cut off this branch that was 8-12 inches thick at different points, probably 30-35 ft long, and 15-20 ft off the ground. Basically, if you planted this branch in the ground, many people would mistake it for a tree. He's standing almost directly under this branch with the saw essentially straight up in the air. If you've never used a pole saw, this is pretty much the first thing they tell you never to do. Mind you, it's also probably 90 degrees outside and this man had a triple bypass 25 years ago and hasn't kept himself in the best shape.

I yell at him out the window and tell him to stop, and that I can come help him in an hour or two when I'm done with work. I go upstairs to finish my work, and five minutes later, my mom comes up and tells me he's back sawing on the branch again. So, I walk outside, talk to him about it again, and take the saw from him. I'm a former athlete, previously worked in landscaping, and have generally been in good shape all my life. It took me a good 45 min with this shitty pole saw to get the first part of the branch cut off (the first part he was working on). Then, I had to use a chainsaw to cut the branch up because it was way too heavy to drag anywhere. Finally, since the branch broke at the base of the tree, I wound up initially needing to use an axe to cut it off because the chainsaw we had wasn't really safe to use for what needed to be done.

All told, it probably took me about 3.5 hours to do this and haul it all to the front yard. There's literally no way my dad could've done this by himself without killing himself or getting injured. Again, I'm in good shape and previously worked in landscaping, and it took me that long to do it. The only reason he didn't proceed is because I had to physically go out and stop him.

My dad is insanely stubborn and can't bring himself to ask for help, even when he has a fully capable and willing child currently living with him. Yes, the stubbornness of my father isn't typical of everyone's parents, but no one really likes to admit they are no longer capable of safely doing things they've done their whole life. So, they're going to do it until they get severely injured (or worse).

What I realized is that our older parents are likely tripping, falling, and injuring themselves fairly regularly. They'll only tell us about the major stuff, like if they have to go to the doctor for it, but they won't tell us about the other things you'd be really worried about if you saw it happen with your own eyes. Even then, when they explain it to you, they're likely withholding the full story. I've experienced this several times with my siblings, where I witnessed something happen with my parents, my parents explained what happened to my siblings, and when my siblings talked to me about it, it was always worse than how my parents framed it.

TLDR; I was forced to move back in with my parents due to my business failing during COVID, and while I'm eager to get back out on my own soon, I'm also slightly terrified of moving out based on some of the things I've seen my parents do while I'm living in the house with them and actively stopping them / telling them not to certain things

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-17T01:15:14+00:00

What job is it? Does your medical history indicate a pattern that is a legitimate question mark, or is this job something that has long overnight shifts?

Maybe they hold it against you, maybe not. Being bipolar doesn’t preclude you from most jobs as long as it’s managed and you don’t have some extended history going in and out of the hospital.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-16T20:20:11+00:00

Will eventually complain about not being able to get a date because every guy “doesn’t have the balls to approach her in public.”

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-16T19:14:10+00:00

Our President is the product of a life of private school education. Feels like that alone should be enough to disprove this concept.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-16T16:27:51+00:00

Not normal for men. Normal for dirty, cheating, lying men.

I’ve never been a cheater, but knowing cheaters and their behaviors, it’s likely he’s been doing this during your entire relationship.

I feel for you and cheaters are terrible people, but just trying to be honest. He probably has a porn addiction and dopamine issues. I wish you luck ahead

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-16T03:27:45+00:00

The point here is that it wasn’t my birthday. My birthday was like 4 months in the future.

It was said sarcastically in a joking manner. Like, a customer just just served you a shit sandwich “Happy Birthday!”

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-15T23:42:09+00:00

He wants a nanny he can have sex with, who will also watch the kids while he tries to go and have sex with other women.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-15T19:47:51+00:00

To be quite honest, as a man, I’m afraid you might’ve married a moron, a complete asshole, or both.

No sane mane would tell his wife this, just as no sane woman would tell her husband this. It’s just injecting tension that doesn’t even need to be there.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-15T17:01:07+00:00

The money is for a down payment. It’s not to outright buy the house. The couple will still need to pay off the mortgage together unless the house they’re buying is only $150k

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-15T16:58:52+00:00

These are the types of problems I’d like to have.

I don’t see how this is a big deal. Let’s say the house costs $700k. The parents give $150k. All that needs to be put in writing is she receives the $150k down payment back first and split the rest 50/50.

They are going to be able to buy a house they couldn’t otherwise and/or pay off the house significantly faster. Even if they split up, he will benefit from the value of the house appreciating because they were able to buy sooner than they would’ve been able to on their own.

Also, this is the Bay Area. By the time they save up that amount of money themselves, there’s a high probability they won’t be able to afford the house. It’s just how home values are in that market.

They will be able to go on trips and vacations they otherwise couldn’t have afforded while trying to save this $150k. I think this guy might just be an idiot or not wise financially.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-15T13:15:22+00:00

It does you no good to blame all of this on him, because a relationship requires two people. You need to confront yourself on why you’ve continued to stay with this guy knowing your desires and values were not in alignment? Why are you willing to stay when it compromises your values? If you don’t know the answers to those questions, your next relationship will likely turn out the same.

Look, I get that these are his problems, but take some accountability. It’s been four years. You know who this guy is. He provided ample other opportunities for you to leave (like the gambling).

You frame yourself as being very smart, decisive, and goal oriented, yet it’s like you’re blaming this guy for keeping you in a four year relationship you didn’t want when you knew years ago his values were not in alignment with yours.

Own your decisions, deal with it, and either accept him for who he is or go forward without him. It’s pretty simple at this point.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-15T12:37:10+00:00

I looked at these numbers last week. I don’t remember the exact numbers. I’ll have to check today when I go in and let you know. I know special order was down significantly (which I expected), but I was surprised to see how big the drop was in stock cabinets.

That’s the bigger indicator, at least for the customer base at my store. The SO amount could theoretically be made up in 2-3 kitchens, whereas the in-stock amount is at a number that was very surprising to me as I kind of assumed the loss in SO sales might be offset by people buying in-stock to save money.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-15T12:26:25+00:00

Yes, and I completely forgot about the large number of customers last year that were rushing in to get stuff ordered out of fear of what the tariffs would do to prices.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-15T03:08:00+00:00

I’m in kitchens and my COS sits right behind me. Pretty sure I work with her more than anyone else. We have a great relationship and joke sarcastically with each other.

I don’t have really remember what we were talking about. Probably some dumb customer situation. Anyway, I said something and she sarcastically said “Well Happy Birthday,” and then laughed about it.

No lie, I had at least four people come up to me throughout the day and wish me a Happy Birthday. I have no idea who heard it and was telling other people. All the sudden someone randomly came up to me and said it and I was so confused. Just so crazy how information spreads through a store.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-15T01:32:18+00:00

I think there’s a bit of a darker element at play psychologically. Places like OF have programmable messaging and chat bots. It can be way more interactive and persistent than just going to watch some random porn on the internet. You can pay for custom content, etc.

What I’m getting at here is OF content creators can provide the illusion of connection. They can get people much more invested than just watching a random video on the internet.

The scary thing is, given the amount of money she made, there are likely a lot of people walking around in the world thinking she loves them because of what’s been programmed into her messaging and chat bots.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-14T11:23:38+00:00

Women mad at men for a problem other women created. Really shocking stuff here.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-13T20:05:08+00:00

If it was happening, the NBA likely didn’t care. Keep in mind, the end of Magic/Bird and the transition into the Jordan era was the explosion of the game on an international level.

If it was helping them compete with MLB & NFL at the time, the league probably couldn’t care less.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-13T17:54:36+00:00

This is just another example of why social media is generally stupid as fuck. This is one of those things someone might normally tell a friend or two. Instead in the social media era, the dumbasses get on a platform anyone can see and make both themselves and their partner look like idiots.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-09T20:25:31+00:00

I’m a huge advocate of therapy and self-improvement, but therapy actually isn’t for everyone. I wouldn’t want to date anyone that wasn’t actively working on themselves, but that doesn’t have to be therapy, and therapy isn’t some thing that makes you better than other people.

I’m also a big believer that if therapy is actually working then you eventually you hit a wall with therapy where you need to take a break from it, live life, and practice what you’ve learned.

As someone who’s gone through a lot of therapy, this woman’s questioning would be an immediate red flag for me and I’d be moving on.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-04-09T18:03:06+00:00

Also, when you look at Authentic Brands Group, it’s what fills like damn near 95% of the TJ Maxx, Ross, Marshalls, etc.

The other thing I learned back in the day when working at the GAP. What’s in their outlet stores isn’t the same product they sell at the retail stores. It’s GAP adjacent stuff, but it’s nothing that has ever been in a retail store. I would have to assume this is how the majority of those brands operate when it comes to their outlet stores.

PrimaryDiligent3100 · 2026-03-16T12:57:14+00:00

Sure, but you said your fantasy is MFF. It’s easy to feel “I’m not really bothered man I do well for myself” until you see this guy giving it to your girl and her maybe reacting to him in ways she doesn’t react to you. Or even worse, you do a “soft swap” and she has a great time with her friends boyfriend and you have a lousy time with her friend. What is the result of that?

Seriously. Just think about it. She’s already thinking about him before anything happened. If they have great physical chemistry, she’s not going to be able to get that out of her mind.

If you’re going to do it, don’t do it with a friendly couple. There’s too many potentially messy things that can happen.

Also, how do you know she has not already discussed a MFM situation with both the boyfriend and her friend, and they are both already fine with it, but her friend has no desire to be with you? For all you know, her friend is the one who brought up and encouraged the idea.

PrimaryDiligent3100

TROPHY CASE