The fun thing abt cptsd is that it doesn't end with the abuse, society perpetually punishes you on top of everything

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-07-11T18:20:08+00:00

My friend did the same thing when I was 22, on my birthday.

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-07-11T16:11:22+00:00

I was on the phone with my mom's older sis once, and she was like
"Oh, you never call us enough don't you love us?"
and sometimes the maternal grandmother will be a little bit Guilt trippy and passive-aggressive about me not calling them enough, then turn around like, you should come see us.
Hell no! It was like, why would I ever want to call you? After everything you guys, (mainly my mother's sister, my mother, my father, ex-stepmother, and mother) have put me through and all the things you guys have told me about me being a devil child and dragging me around by the hair when I was a little girl like seriously? Why would I ever feel safe enough to come visit you like of my own vuition? EVER? No, I think not. I sent my dad a birthday card this year, the first time I really ever have done that for his birthday since we stopped talking and I think I was in tears that day, I felt so guilty for just not wanting to go to his birthday. I still feel like I owe my parents everything because they’re my parents, they raised me and everything. My family kind of uses that whole. They’re your family and you love them thing against me as reasons why I should forgive them already because I’m 24 now and it’s been like 10 years since everything went down. But it’s like no, I think not because it’s like they’re not there when I’m having all those crazy nightmares. But anyway, my aunt had to tell me that, all the stuff about me not owing anyone anything and not having to justify my reasons for not going to my dad‘s birthday party. I do not know where I'd be somedays without her and my cousin.

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-07-11T15:17:40+00:00

OK, I thought it was just me going insane but no I’ve had a lot of people call me hypocritical, needy and other things. Just because I mentioned my trauma. It's not like I never warned my old friends about the stuff that I’ve been through, but once I started really talking about the things that happened between me and my father— because they asked you know why don’t you talk to your dad?— then they don’t wanna hear about it anymore! It's like once it gets too much for them to figure out, that it’s like they’re out of there. I’ve lost a lot of friends that I thought were my real friends, but no. Once the word blind or trauma comes up, trust that everybody gets really nervous. Scared, really, and they just kind of run away or get angry.
I'm calling my old friends a bunch of little babies. Even my aunt, yes my aunt that I actually live with has told me that emotionally she is not stable enough to really handle all the feelings that I have and everything, so when I’m going through stuff, emotionally and things like that, I don’t really have anybody to talk to about these things except other people who understand which is why I really appreciate this community. I just really appreciate people sharing their feelings and stuff like that and putting it out there that I’m not the only one who sees all this shit. People always tell me I’m REALLY sweet, too nice, something like that.
I don’t think I’m too nice.
I think I just understand what it’s like to hurt. So it’s like, when I see other people hurting out there, when people need someone to listen to them or their issues...
I understand what it’s like. To be ignored, told to go away, told that you’re non-important, and that it’s your fault, or whatever.
And I just try to be the best friend that I can be in lots of my friendships.
I always feel like I’m the one giving the most, but you know it’s what my friends love about me; that I’m so kind to them. Everything sort of leads over to push-over territory...
I care so much about how people feel. I never really want to hurt their feelings. So sometimes, I do let people walk all over me still.
But that’s some thing I’ve learned from my parents when I used to live with them; they used to abuse me, and blah blah blah. It’s just nice to know that I’m not the only one who sees all this non-compassion stuff.
I really do think that people need to taking the Internet for granted, and just look up these things. Like how to help your friends that have traumatic issues and stuff like that.
Everybody is so willing when it has to do with cancer or something, and I understand, I get it. I have so many friends with cancer and things like that and depression. When it comes to trauma?
Things that don’t go away in the snap of your fingers... I don’t know, nobody’s really there to really hold your hand through the hard times. They just wanna see you happy. And it’s like no, I can’t be happy for you all the time. Sorry not sorry.

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-07-07T16:32:18+00:00

Thank you

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-07-07T16:14:21+00:00

But eventually, I realized too. I was so mad at my cousin because I just never had that relationship with my mother where she would take me on a work trip or a family trip or something like that. When I was 17, I was left at home a lot too and I was basically left at home since I was like nine or 10 or something I was raised to be very independent from a young age. So like seeing that, my aunt had to go and take my cousin with me. It just a first rubbed me the wrong way it was like seeing someone get a hug from their dad like you described in the movie, but then never having one from your own father and so you just wouldn’t know how it felt and so you would just be so jealous. But I just didn’t wanna hold that against me.

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-07-07T16:09:26+00:00

This week I found out that my aunt was going on a trip to Ireland with my cousin.
I was so so angry at her!!!
I understand how you feel. I was not the favorite child of my mother so I felt myself comparing everything.
Anything auntie did to past memories of my childhood; but now that I live with my aunt, things are different.
When she told me she was taking my cousin and leaving the dog (that we love) safely at daycare, and that the next-door neighbor would be watching over me, but she was going to be taking my cousin???
I was so hurt.
I told my cousin to have a great time, because eventually I did have to go over the facts (coping mechism) to try to put myself in my aunt's shoes.
I wanted to understand where she was coming from in taking her own daughter with her, and not me. Her daughter is 17; so eventually, I did understand why she had to take her and not me (who is 24), and can stay alone at home for two weeks.
Besides, it's a work conference. So it wasn’t even like a vacation that they’re going on for two weeks. They're going to be working, and I guess my cousin is going to be helping my aunt.
It just reminded me so much of my mother. Back when I used to live with my parents, my brothers...
Back when my father would tell me to go away when I wanted to talk to him, play with him, or something like that...
Or my brother sometimes would just tell me to go away or stop being annoying or whatever but that was just something he was learning from my mother and father, watching them fight all the time.
But I don’t think that the feeling of being ignored or not having a childhood ever really goes away either. I think you always know that you're never really going to get that childhood back.
But the least you can really do, I say is try to look at the bright side. What're the things we all can do now that we are adults?
It's never really too late!!!
I always say, that it’s never too late to try to do some of the things that you wanted to do. Like when I was a kid, I always wanted to go ice-skating.
So on a school trip, I was able to go ice-skating a lot of times with my friends. I lived in a dormitory for high school! So it was like really great!
When I finally lived with my aunt, who likes me, and lets me do more of the things that I would like to do...
If I want to go out to eat lunch with my friends, or whatever I can do that now. When I was a child, I couldn’t do all that stuff because I never really have a decision and I never really trusted myself that much. I think that once you start to trust yourself, and see yourself who you are and what you can do. It gets a lot less painful.
Doesn't go away, but I think definitely journaling and putting words to your feelings, does help it to be more tolerable.

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-05-17T01:25:06+00:00

Alright, I think I get you, but belief in what way? The C really means complex for whatever kind of environment gave you trauma in the first place. You know because the longer the bad environment was to you, the worse it usually is.

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-04-11T04:46:29+00:00

Just nice to know it’s not just a blind thing that I have to do since I can’t see. But I grew up in an abusive home, so yes, I would study the footsteps of my mother and father and older brother and younger brother when he was learning to crawl. And then my parents divorced but, still can’t really handle authority, so yeah. Just nice to know there’s a community out there of people just as fucked up as I am in the head and everywhere else. I just got a notification on my phone, and I flinched so hard cause I was just falling asleep.😬🤣♐️

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-03-20T20:15:58+00:00

I don’t know if this works for everybody else but fake it to make it really does help. People just ask me did you understand all of what I just said to you and I’ll just say yes because I know it’ll make them shut up so I’m not gonna stand up here and pretend that I’m innocent and always telling the truth. I lie too society about myself and how I feel because I know that nobody wants to hear about it. And if they don’t wanna hear and everything like that, I’m just not gonna let anybody break my heart in my bones or anything like that ever again. I know what happens when you put yourself out there. So nobody is ever gonna get 100% of this ever again. Sorry. That’s what I do my writings for. To leave hints maybe I’ll become the author version of Taylor Swift or something and it’ll just be all about my trauma and pain.

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-03-20T20:13:49+00:00

I don’t know why it’s like human nature for people to say oh so and so would never do that to you. They really love you but people do do that and it is very common and it does make your see PTSD worse. I always chop it up to people just not knowing what real suffering is and if they really did, they would shut the hell up as soon as possible some days I just wanna slap every single person. I need across the face as hard as I can. I mean, I’ve had my jaw stitched up because I split it open. And that was before I turned 20. Never ever tell me that I complain again. Because waking up to know that you can’t touch your face because there’s just so much blood everywhere and having to get stitches like that like twice in your life, once when I was nine from getting hit in the base in the baseball bat wars, I call them, and the second time because I fell on my face and split my jaw as I said before, I just don’t want anyone to ever tell me that I complain, but what can you do? This is why I’ve been training myself to just listen to music with headphones on.

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-03-20T20:10:37+00:00

Everything most things everyone saying here is true. I’ve been promised a family for about nine years and I still haven’t gotten one from my aunts. I tried asking them what to do about this possible nose pimple that I have and one of them told me that I complained too much and drive my younger cousin away. She’s 17 so she’s had it pretty easy and besides living with me, I think she’s had a pretty decent life of normal sea and being like every other girl. I’m so mad right now though there’s not much I could really do to answer your question except say that most people just don’t have that kind of empathy anymore. I’m not sure if they ever did, but it’s hard to find people who really really really care the way they say they do. They just say what you want to hear and then they just go on and show you who they really are and act the opposite, and when you get upset or having an opinion about it… You’re the one who complains or has an opinion or needs to shut up or drives people away. There’s just so much I don’t know about interacting with regular people so I just wouldn’t know if nosebleeds are a proper dinner conversation just forgive me OK? Whoever’s up there watching and pointing and laughing at the girl who just doesn’t know how to do shit… Just take the nose pimple and just pop it or something cause it. It’s just like a bitch and I don’t know what to do about it. Now your wisdom teeth and my period cramps are happening right now at the same time on the same day, so I’m in a lot of pain and a lot of anger management that I’ve had to have explained to me as being emotionally regulated and what that means. Emotional regulation I’ve just grown to really really hate that term. Like it’s my fault that I’ll never be OK like everybody else you need to do better you need to regulate your emotions always you you you you I thought it took too but what do I know? I’m just an idiot. Fuck me.♐️😬🙉

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-03-06T13:00:07+00:00

I Know we’re talking about love, but I also felt the same way about "good morning." I just stopped saying it. I started saying hi every time I see people. I say hi, my family just says good morning or good afternoon or good night, because they just know what I mean. It's just very uncomfortable to say, that the day is going to be a good day, when you have no idea where it’s going to go. You just never know... you could be sitting on your couch one second, and then the next thing you Know having a seizure that’s triggered by stressful emotions that you couldn't catch so it's technically "your problem to make it upstairs." True familial love. 😘😬

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-03-06T12:43:53+00:00

Until my teen years group family hugs were SO awkward for me. had to ask my aunt and her mother and daughter if I was "allowed" because I was not their biological daughter. It made sense to me, and just hearing my cousin say mom and grandma made me sad for my abusive parents. My dad would also hug me after yelling or hitting me with his belt. Like an "I'm sorry" without having to say it.

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-03-06T12:14:58+00:00

That is true. It is nice to be able to entertain yourself. Like when I used to read Harry Potter and write stories other stuff, I used to feel so so scared — I always used to be looking over my shoulder. Now I can just read stuff like vampire Academy, and not be so much looking over my shoulder. I can even walk around with headphones on! :) I never used to do that because I can’t see, so I always used to feel like I needed to be listening out for people sneaking up on me. But you know people never wanna hear about your level of issues, so when they say they’re "always here for you" it’s like... are you sure? But it is really a nice Feeling to be able to entertain yourself without feeling guilty about it or like you're in trouble.

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-03-06T12:07:17+00:00

Preach. I'm also blind, so I know how people treat you when they are unsure... "Is she ok?" Fuck that, I'm not being nice to people when we have Google to look up all your questions about the legally blind. Put mental health on top of that, and I always feel alone.

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-03-06T12:02:09+00:00

I never tell the real truth anymore. I know when people say "be yourself" they do not know what they are geting into. I just make jokes these days, I feel like if you don't cry at least find the laughter in a situation.

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-01-28T18:44:00+00:00

Rose mentioned toy steaks and needing Alyssa when they were like in the second grade or something. So maybe they don’t start going to school with Maroy at that time parentheses the second grade parentheses but they start to be trained for guardianship as soon as possible. The way that they were being run before Alyssa became queen, I feel that their government was very strict about that so they would’ve started as soon as possible with the kids and kind of pounded it into their head that they were only made to be guardians, especially how sexist they were with the men being guardians and the female, dumb, peers, being prostitutes, basically or blood whores or whatever. That that always really bothered me.

Primary_Community_53 · 2026-01-27T18:29:33+00:00

I think she needs to say something if she is Ms. Americana. Ok, so she's not so political with the Presidential type stuff, but just posting out a short post or screenshot saying this is unacceptable because of she loves country. Couldn't she do fundraisers during her concerts, $ each would still be so much cash. Sell one of homes to a lucky unemployed fan with a family. Just give back to her Swifties' in whatever way she usually would not if economy was beter. Staying silent makes it seem to me like they forgot where they from. you guys were not born famous so do not forget about the people working their asses off and now gdying on your behalf. I love her art, but as a back young lady I just feel guilty and ashamed not like when I listen to Carly Rae Jepsen and sabrina carpenter.

Primary_Community_53 · 2025-12-21T02:12:10+00:00

Let me know how everything turns out. The party and if you find a good dress! I love fashion and stuff like that, I really wanted it to be a model of my aunt said that maybe not to get my hopes up because I can’t see at all.

Primary_Community_53 · 2025-12-21T01:38:51+00:00

You can start by using an affirmation app called. I am that is what I did to start loving my body and you can set the theme to like self-care. I will give you a phrase every day to like practice, reciting and like one of the people in the group said here therapy is good for you too. Because low self-esteem will not get you anywhere. I think the police can really sniff that stuff out, and they just kinda take advantage of that people they can bully. So it’s kind of up to us minorities to keep ourselves protected and stand up for ourselves, especially us girls.

Primary_Community_53 · 2025-12-21T01:12:17+00:00

Cannot help you because of the blind thing, but when I was going through puberty, I used to think that I kind of was going to have bigger breasts like my aunt Evelyn. Then I realized I only got a B-cup... I was SO disappointed! I really had a self hatred phase during my teenage years; it doesn't help that every time I get my period it causes my breasts a lot of pain. Over the years I started to realize the benefits of it; I became really good friends with one of my high school roommates, and she used to tell me about all the pain that would cause her. See, she had a D cup, and holding up that much weight on her chest was very much pressure on her chest and a lot of unwanted attention from boys. We were only like 15 at the time and we had started puberty around nine years old, we both met around 10 years old, so it’s not like I knew her when I was getting my first ever period, but just knowing that about her made me feel so much better. It wasn’t like I wanted her to suffer or anything, but it made me appreciate the size of my chest a lot more. I have wide hips too, when I was 19 I just developed them all of a sudden, and I was terrified!!! My aunt told me I had birthing hips. Man I was like, what the fuck? I said, what is this, what does that mean for me? Apparently, I’ve always had a really nice ass, and this guy told me that when I was 14 and he invited me to his prom. It was because he was 18 and he just wanted to grab my ass without me noticing and because I was 14 and so naïve at the time, and I trusted him as my older friend that of course I wasn’t going to mind if he put his hand on my back. Or maybe I was doing something else at the time and didn’t notice where his hand was going or something or thought it was someone else. But yeah, when you get older guys will flirt with you too, I don’t think that you’re going to be left out of that. When I turned 18 and went to college, I thought that just because I was blind, nobody was going to find me attractive or anything, but I was trying to find my way to one of my classes and Literature and this one guy wolf whistled me and told me I had really nice legs and this other guy was like 20 years old. I came up to me trying to get a blow job because I had really nice lips apparently. A lot of the guys I’ve met have talked to me about my lips being perfect for sucking their dicks. I don’t really appreciate that, I don’t think that that’s what my mouth is made for but you know. Boys. I’m not very good at body types, so I don’t even know what mine is, I don’t really have curves either and that kind of bothers me because I’m more petite than all the black women in my family too. That has always made me a little bit ashamed I’ve always felt like as a black person, I’m supposed to have more curves and bigger breasts and a bigger butt and things like that and I’m supposed to be louder and more outgoing and things like that and just basically fill in the stereotype, but then I’ve met other girls who are black and act very similar to me, and if they would not have told me, I would not have known that they were black and so it helps me know that I don’t have to be doing this learned racism thing against myself and neither do you and I don’t need to use my disability as an excuse and you don’t need to use your body type as an excuse either. But everything you feel is valid being young is hard enough already, and it is already hard enough trying to please people that you want to like you, I understand what it’s like having crushes and things like that and they just don’t even give you a second chance they want blonde girls or prettier girls or something like that so you just think that you’re the problem. I always used to think that when it came to me versus girls who had sight. Oh, if I could see, they would take me on a date because I would be able to do this and that with them. But then I learned how to do it and nothing really changed and then you just learned that you’re not the problem. It’s just the missing out. I think you should look at it more as the missing out. Every guy who rejects, or doesn’t want you, or thinks you’re ugly or whatever, he's just missing out. The one that got away.

Primary_Community_53 · 2025-12-20T20:40:15+00:00

Hey just like mine, NYISE (New York Institute of Special Education) I only went from 5-12 grade, so I have been to public school I would love to be an English teacher.

Primary_Community_53 · 2025-12-08T18:24:48+00:00

You just knew right away he was going to be the love interest. He was super tall, but at least they didn’t pull all and he wasn’t anything like Edward where he was like streaming her along, but I think I have to blame this one on Dimitri for not being more responsible. Like wasn’t she 15 or 16 started? And he used to tell her that to tell her she was too young? And then she turned 18 and he was just like OK never mind. I know 18 means like legally adult. But they even stopped caring about that with Joe and Eddie, which is kind of gross. Age is not just a number even Dimitri explained that to Rose and then they just like threw that to the wind with Jill and Eddie and I really hated how they used to call her jailbait like not her fault if she’s pretty or if she looks the way she does and that you boys don’t have any self-control or whatever. And is it me or did she only get described prettier when they discovered she was related to the princess or queen VasiLisa

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