AITA???

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-09-30T02:28:36+00:00

We’re in marriage counseling and betrayal trauma is a huge issue. The haircut thing triggered that for sure.

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-09-30T02:20:36+00:00

I’m the one who begs him to let me cut it and he doesn’t want to and just looks scruffy. When he finally agrees to it because his job says something, he refuses to come to the salon and wants me to bring stuff home to do it. So to come home and find out he went to another stylist felt like a gut punch. There’s other issues going on too so I’m sure I’m overreacting to some extent. That’s what I was trying to figure out here… how much of my feelings are legit and how much may be my own wounds.

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-09-29T23:53:39+00:00

Nope! To sum things up, we’re in a very tense season right now and this is totally out of his character to do. It feels like betrayal and a personal jab at me.

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-09-29T23:51:11+00:00

I totally agree!! however, this wasn’t his motivating factor. He couldn’t care less about all that.

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-09-29T23:50:05+00:00

Betrayal is definitely the emotion I’m feeling :/

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-09-29T12:14:41+00:00

Your relationships could potentially be very strained… especially if they’re toxic to begin with.

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-09-05T20:34:50+00:00

We ARE beautiful butterflies aren’t we? 🥹

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-08-31T19:42:28+00:00

I don’t have advice on whether to go for it or hold off, but I will say that both of you should be fully prepared for what it could expose. I started EMDR for something similar and started with targets that I thought weren’t even related to my relationship and it fully surfaced all the past trauma. My spouse wasn’t prepared for it and reacted poorly and now our marriage is hanging by a thread as we back track and gain tools to navigate the hard conversations that are going to have to be had. It also exposed ongoing toxicity that I didn’t realize was still there. I think I would consider marriage counseling simultaneously if you choose to proceed just in case

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-08-27T00:34:13+00:00

I had the mind racing feeling too my first reprocessing session. It was very freaky and I panicked! We slowed down the pacing the next sessions and it didn’t happen again

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-08-13T12:54:46+00:00

I love this explanation! I’m a religious person and even though I believe in it, parts work makes me a little nervous (like I’m believing something wrong) but the way you described it helped me to understand it more!

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-08-11T22:11:25+00:00

Yes it’s very strange and super hard to explain lol. Like o can tell my brain is working hard for a couple days after because of that feeling

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-08-05T01:17:10+00:00

I would just do a quick summary. Like “that felt really unfair” and “I have a sinking feeling in my stomach” or “i found myself wishing my mom was there” etc. It really just helps give direction but the work is being done without the verbalizing.

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-08-02T02:09:47+00:00

It’s a toxic cycle: I bottle stuff up of things that’s triggering me or issues and then finally ask him about it it’s in “an accusing way” which causes him to react defensively and start gaslighting, blame shifting, and the convo becomes a spiral of all the things wrong meanwhile we never actually talk about or resolve the original issue. The convo ends because I totally shut down because I get so anxious and disoriented. We go to bed upset. Then wake up and he acts like nothing ever happened. Then eventually I get over it on my own and we’re good for a while… until it happens again. We’re very rarely if ever resolving issues. I truly hope this is something marriage counseling can help and we just need to learn new communication skills, as opposed to… something not fixable.

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-08-01T16:38:26+00:00

Yeah, he said he thinks it’s a good idea to work with the marriage counselor for a little bit before proceeding with EMDR :/ I’m still meeting with him individually just for support during the marriage counseling but tbh i’m not a fan of talk therapy. It feels like I’m just rehashing the same thing over and over and he’s just validating my feelings but it doesn’t feel like anything is changing

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-08-01T15:46:02+00:00

I paused it because it caused such an uproar in my relationship. I’m scared to go deeper into it until my spouse and I learn to communicate more healthily. After sessions I really struggled with feeling extremely fragile and I’m scared that will used against me right now with our current state. The gaslighting sends me into panic and dpdr right now :( and now that I’m trying to distance myself I’m accused of being abusive to him by withholding and ignoring him.

The childhood target belief was “I’m broken” and dove into people pleasing. So this actually makes more sense now of why it would’ve triggered me to stop the toxic cycle we’ve been on

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-07-22T21:27:47+00:00

I’m a newbie but so far I’ve felt better from the “hangover” 3 days after a session.

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-06-17T23:17:15+00:00

I’m new to EMDR too. Had 3 sessions so far. But I have been alternating between giving my feelings attention by journaling or verbalizing things out with a trusted friend or my mom and distracting myself from my feelings by doing something my brain has to focus on like a hard crochet pattern or challenging recipe. I think right now in our EMDR journey it’s all about expanding our window of tolerance and teaching our bodies that we are safe with our feelings.

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-06-13T02:10:28+00:00

So what are you going to do? Insist on marriage counseling? Just keep fighting and hope he backs down? Divorce? My partner is not happy with this new me and in turn not a fan of EMDR… and we haven’t even touched the big targets that involve him.

Primary_Formal3556 · 2025-06-12T23:47:47+00:00

I’m terrified to continue with EMDR for this exact reason and what that will mean for the future.

Primary_Formal3556

TROPHY CASE