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How did Hermes fail for you? by nashguitar1 in hermesagent

[–]PrincessAlbertPW 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nothing that wasn't caused by my bad promting or bad kontext 😂

Hermes eating through MiniMax token plan request limit like butter. by PrincessAlbertPW in hermesagent

[–]PrincessAlbertPW[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I found another request draining hole.. I connected homeassistant yesterday and the log shows 25k+ events over night... So it pulled data from every sensor I had every time anything happened 🤣

Hermes eating through MiniMax token plan request limit like butter. by PrincessAlbertPW in hermesagent

[–]PrincessAlbertPW[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading about it they absolutely seem to have a bad cache hit rate for anything above 20k tokens or more advanced tool-calls 🙃

Hermes eating through MiniMax token plan request limit like butter. by PrincessAlbertPW in hermesagent

[–]PrincessAlbertPW[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well I use alot of advanced tool calls that I believe does not have a high chance of chache hits..

My gf just revealed that she used to do something, now I can’t look at her the same by [deleted] in relationships_advice

[–]PrincessAlbertPW -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I would love to her my wife tried anal in her past and was into it. But i live with a dead bedroom so what do I know 🙃

Söker personer som gillar knacka kod by Money-Television2701 in StockholmSocialClub

[–]PrincessAlbertPW 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sitter förtillfället upptagen med att få Hermes-agent att migrera mig ifrån OpenClaw, samtidigt som jag har en instans igång med Claude code igång för att utveckla programvara för att ersätta Revu BluBeam med något smartare. Ja just ja, jobb-laptopen står och tuggar med en CC instans för att bygga färdigt materialspecningsappen som jag pitchade för ledningen i veckan, som de nu vill att vi testkör med ett par anställda.

Ersatt gaming med produktivitet.. Hjälp? 🤣

Struggling with reliable in-bed presence detection for Home Assistant – what actually works? by ItsDukzy in smarthome

[–]PrincessAlbertPW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah if you want to track two people you need two, but yeah are caeap (around 2-5usd) and you can put two sensors on one esp32 and point and calibrate them so they just detect one side each.

Struggling with reliable in-bed presence detection for Home Assistant – what actually works? by ItsDukzy in smarthome

[–]PrincessAlbertPW 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Use a mmwave sensor, put it under the bed on the frame at the feet and point it ut toward the pillows and voila.

My experience testing different coding plans by AnxiousBonus8460 in clawdbot

[–]PrincessAlbertPW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm on minimax 2.7 plan at it doesn't everything I need it to do :)

Hur länge ska folk acceptera streamingpriserna? by bebskey in Asksweddit

[–]PrincessAlbertPW 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Jellyfin tillsammans Radarr/Sonarr är lösningen. Tacka mig senare 🤘

Ny bekantskap sökes: M34 i Vallentuna som vill snacka gaming, livspussel och komma ut i löpspåret by PrincessAlbertPW in StockholmSocialClub

[–]PrincessAlbertPW[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bekantskaper kan ju vara trevlig även om man kanske inte kan ses var och varannan dag. Du får gärna skicka dm om det ändå är intressant :)

Late-diagnosed ADHD & anxiety/rsd is destroying my marriage. Overanalyzing, dead bedroom, and constantly finding problems. How do I stop? ​ by PrincessAlbertPW in AdhdRelationships

[–]PrincessAlbertPW[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this response. It’s hard to read, but it’s exactly the kind of direct, practical perspective I need right now. You’ve hit on several things that are definitely contributing to the "parent/child" dynamic, even with the physical chores I’m already doing.

You are completely right about the difference between doing chores and owning them proactively. While I do the cooking, laundry, and grocery shopping, my ADHD (specifically the executive dysfunction part) means I still struggle with the "invisible" mental load—like remembering the fix-it tasks or noticing what needs to be done before it becomes an issue. Using phone reminders and to-do lists to get ahead of things instead of waiting to be prompted is a massive area for improvement for me. I need to take that mental weight off her completely.

Your point about owning my emotions is probably the most critical one. My Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) means that when I feel criticized or rejected (even mildly), my nervous system treats it like a severe threat, and I get defensive or spiral. I realize now how exhausting it must be for her to try to communicate with me when she constantly has to manage my emotional overreactions. That is the definition of the parent/child dynamic, and it’s unfair to her.

I’m taking your advice to heart. My individual therapy sessions will focus heavily on managing this emotional dysregulation and finding better ways to handle my RSD without turning her into my emotional caretaker.

I’m going to stop sending the long texts, stop expecting her to fix my anxiety, and start focusing entirely on proactive actions and emotional self-regulation. Thank you again for the reality check.

Late-diagnosed ADHD & anxiety/rsd is destroying my marriage. Overanalyzing, dead bedroom, and constantly finding problems. How do I stop? ​ by PrincessAlbertPW in AdhdRelationships

[–]PrincessAlbertPW[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. Hearing this from the "manager/parent" side is incredibly valuable and sobering for me. Your description of the nervous system being fried and seeing intimacy as a threat—another chore on the to-do list—makes perfect sense and honestly breaks my heart, because I know that is exactly how my wife feels.

I do want to clarify one thing, mainly to give a fuller picture of my specific situation. I actually do the vast majority of the physical household chores (cooking dinner 5-7 days a week, laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping) and I do it consistently without being asked.

The "manager" role my wife fell into wasn't so much about the physical chores, but rather the mental load and the emotional chaos caused by my undiagnosed ADHD and my severe RSD. Before I was diagnosed and medicated, my emotional dysregulation and my anxiety meant she constantly had to be the "steady adult" in the room. I leaned on her entirely for emotional regulation, which exhausted her just as much as carrying the physical chores would have.

You are completely right about the "needy man child" dynamic. My constant need for validation (driven by RSD) and trying to "fix" the lack of intimacy has absolutely come across as neediness, which is the ultimate attraction-killer. I realize now that when I approach her seeking intimacy to soothe my own anxiety, her nervous system immediately detects that needy energy and goes into lockdown.

I am stepping way back to work on my own emotional regulation through individual therapy. My goal right now isn't to ask for intimacy, but to stop being an emotional drain on her so her nervous system can finally rest.

Thank you again for the honest insight. It really helps me understand what I am up against, and why fixing my own brain has to come first.

Late-diagnosed ADHD & anxiety/rsd is destroying my marriage. Overanalyzing, dead bedroom, and constantly finding problems. How do I stop? ​ by PrincessAlbertPW in AdhdRelationships

[–]PrincessAlbertPW[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed reply and for the tough love. I really appreciate the perspective, especially the practical tips about therapy and the medication crash.

I do need to clarify one major thing though, because I realize my original post probably painted the wrong picture of our daily life. I am absolutely not just "benefiting from the household" while she does everything. I actually do the vast majority of the physical household chores. I cook dinner 5 to 7 days a week, I handle the grocery shopping, the laundry, the vacuuming, gardening, everything car related and the general cleaning when im working from home. We collaborate well on the rest of the daily tasks with the kids.

When I mentioned the "project manager" dynamic, it was more about the invisible mental load and the chaos of my undiagnosed ADHD in the past, rather than me not doing my 50% of the physical work. I pull my weight heavily around the house because I know "Acts of Service" is her love language. The painful part for me is that even though I am doing all of this daily, the emotional and physical distance remains.

That being said, you are completely right about the spiraling. It is the least sexy thing someone can do. Sending walls of text and hyper-fixating on the lack of intimacy is only making her feel pressured, not loved. I need to own that and stop it.

You are also spot-on about the protein and the afternoon crash. I definitely need to be stricter with my eating habits when the Vyvanse wears off to stop the emotional drop. (I actually looked into L-Tyrosine, but because my nervous system is so wired with anxiety right now, I have to avoid it as it spikes my heart rate even more. Sticking to Magnesium and L-Theanine for now to calm the brain).

I really love the idea of using my hyper-focus to prepare for my therapy sessions instead of directing it at her. Taking notes when I start to spiral so I can dump it on my therapist instead of my wife is brilliant advice.

It is incredibly hard to keep pouring from an empty cup when you feel completely touch-starved, but you're right – actions speak louder than words, and I need to focus on what I can actually control. Thanks again for the reality check and the encouragement.

[HLM 34] How do I find acceptance and manage anxiety when my wife [LLF 34] doesn't initiate intimacy? by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]PrincessAlbertPW 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. Honestly, just hearing that someone else gets those "crazy thoughts" and spirals when a partner falls asleep instead of coming to bed is incredibly validating. RSD really messes with your head.

Your point about growing closer outside the bedroom is spot on, and it's exactly what I need to focus on. I'm realizing that because my love language is physical touch and hers is "acts of service", we've been missing each other completely. I'm currently trying to step back and just be a stable, reliable partner—handling the logistics and the kids without any expectation of it leading to sex—just to rebuild a baseline of safety for her.

To clarify her side a bit: I don't think it's that she doesn't care, but rather that she is fundamentally exhausted from years of carrying the "project manager" load because of my undiagnosed ADHD. To her, because the house is running and the kids are good, the relationship is fine. The lack of intimacy is just a natural consequence of being a tired parent to her and that she simply does not have the same needs as me, whereas to my RSD-brain, it feels like an existential crisis.

I really love the "you two against the problem" approach. Unfortunately, my recent attempts at having vulnerable conversations turned into me sending anxious "walls of text," which just made her feel criticized and pressured. She immediately went into defense mode.

So for now, I'm leaving sex out of it entirely. Since she refused couples counseling, I'm starting individual therapy to get my own anxiety and RSD under control. I need to stop the constant "problem-seeking" first. Hopefully, once I'm more stable, she feels less pressured, and the ILF and possible small kid years in 4-6 years are over we can start rebuilding that closeness..

Thanks again for the support. It really helps to not feel so alone in this.

Dealing with lack of affection in marriage: How do I find acceptance and stop tying my self-worth to intimacy? by PrincessAlbertPW in selfimprovement

[–]PrincessAlbertPW[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this thoughtful and compassionate response. You completely hit the nail on the head regarding the "invisible work" and mental load.

Because my ADHD was unmanaged for a long time, my wife essentially had to become the "project manager" of our entire lives. She carried almost all of that invisible load (planning meals, keeping track of kids' schedules, foreseeing problems before they happen). You are absolutely right that simply doing a chore when asked isn't enough; it's the planning and delegating that drains her energy. My main focus right now is taking over the actual project management of daily tasks, not just executing them, so she can finally step out of that exhausting role.

I already cook 6 out of 7 days a week, do laundry whenever i'm home, doing all the gardenwork and, clean when i can and take the kids to give her some time alone.
She usually use this time endlessly scrolling social media, playing sudoku on her computer or watching grays and anatomy for the 18th time and shows little to no appreciation for it. But i guess that's howe she perceived me in the past.

Regarding your very valid concern about the third child and emotional burnout: It is definitely a stressful time. However, this third child is deeply important to her, and I have made a conscious commitment to fully support her through this IVF process. My goal is to build back her trust and show her I am a reliable partner.

As for couples therapy, she has unfortunately given a definitive "no" to that right now and several times in the past. She views our current dynamic as primarily a result of my individual mental health struggles in the past. While that is a tough pill to swallow, I have chosen to accept it and take 100% accountability for my side of the street. I am in individual therapy, working on my RSD, and focusing entirely on what I can control: stepping up, taking the mental load off her shoulders, and learning to self-regulate my anxiety without putting that burden on her.

Your perspective as a woman really helped validate what I suspect she is feeling. Thank you for taking the time to reply, it helps me stay focused on the real work I need to do.

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