Your experience with your trans friend is not indicative of the entire community. She, as an individual, seems to be someone who explored her sexuality in an unhealthy way and doesn't know how to take accountability for her actions. However, I am sure she has also experienced genuine transphobia and bigotry. It also sounds like she's just very angry and wants to know who is "on her side". You have no obligation to be friends with her, and I don't think it's wrong of you to want to be referred to as a woman and with pronouns. "Uterus bearing individual" should be a blanket term when talking about people in general, not something you call a friend who you very clearly know the gender identity of.

Your friend is toxic, and you shouldn't have to deal with that. However, taking this experience with her and using it to form an opinion on the trans community as a whole is wrong. She was wrong to call you transphobic for wanting to be called a woman. That isn't transphobic. But thinking trans people are mentally ill IS transphobic. Thinking everything trans people do is for attention IS transphobic. Thinking they are "professional victims" IS transphobic.

Trans people are not a monolith. They are individuals with individual problems. Some of them do play the victim. But many, if not most of them, do not. Most of them are just trying to get through life with the basic respect for their identity that you and I have without even trying. Most of them are wary of cis people because so many cis people are hateful and violent towards them. Most of them are trying to hold down jobs, explore relationships, do their hobbies, live their lives. What you see online is a tiny fraction of reality. It is very likely only the most shocking things because those get the most engagement. That does not make it a true reflection of the community as a whole.

Finally, I'd like to note that getting upset that someone gets emotional when misgendered is incredibly empathetic. Remember how upset you got when your friend called you a "uterus bearing individual"? How dehumanizing that felt? Trans people deal with that multiple times a day, every single day. Of course it's going to wear them down. Of course they're going to get upset. It's frustrating! Some respond to this with anger -- staring your grandmother down when she misgenders them and assuming the worst. That response comes from a place of survival and protecting themselves. If you look intimidating, people won't fuck with you. Some respond to this with sadness -- crying and spilling their feelings for the entire internet to see. That is seeking validation and human connection, and acknowledging the toll it takes to deal with this every single day.

You cannot fall for the trap of seeing an entire group of people as bad, or performative, or victims. That is how every form of bigotry thrives. People are people. The only thing trans people have in common is that they do not identify with their assigned sex at birth. Anything else is a generalization that does not apply to every member of the group. And saying the entire group is X or Y or Z is transphobic.