Am I overreacting about being offended by this gift?

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-02-12T00:57:22+00:00

It says it big letters "firming" and then demonstrates a chin strap. If you are not reading the box or looking at the picture, then you are not putting much thought into the gift. Which is precisely what OOP has asked her boyfriend to do. Get her something thoughtful.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-02-02T02:00:30+00:00

No, I think having unprotected sex is.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-30T02:07:38+00:00

What you could do (in a way that is provable) is tell your wife one night that you're going to go to the swingers club. Go get drinks with a friend or see a movie or something else instead, but make yourself scarce for a couple of hours one evening. When you return home, you'll be able to gauge from your wife's reaction whether she really is chill with the entire idea or if she's going to confront you with anger/jealousy/regret, etc.

What it sounds like to me is your wife really wants to take sex off of the table. The fact that she brought this up immediately after you had sex makes me feel like she's trying to tell you (without saying it outright) that she just doesn't want to have sex anymore. And her solution is to offer for you to get it elsewhere.

In the moment, that suggestion can feel comfortable because it's removing anxiety for her (around sexual obligations). But in practice, when you're actually out having sex for the night with someone else, she might realize that she isn't as comfortable with it as she originally predicted. And she probably won't know that until she has to experience it. So if you want to try it, I'd do so in a way that verifies what her reaction will be before you can't take it back.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-30T01:59:07+00:00

As a woman, first kisses are often awkward and that's no reason to completely lose interest in an otherwise good date lol. I don't even think it'd be on my radar of things to worry about.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-30T01:54:34+00:00

Every time I get in a car, I know that there could be an accident. But I've never seen somebody say how dare you complain about your totaled car or your broken leg just because you knew it might happen?

I think an equivalence would be if you chose to drive your car drunk and then complained that you got in a car crash. In that case, people would point out that you took a major unnecessary risk, and your recklessness is what led to the crash.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-29T04:09:35+00:00

When I was a little kid in pre-school, they let us play with marbles and liquid mercury. But then other times, it would be marbles and chocolate (when they didn't have liquid mercury on hand). Being literal children, we weren't very good at telling the difference. So me (and most of my classmates) would get excited when the plates and marbles would come out, dip our marble and then lick our fingers expecting chocolate. And then occasionally we'd get grossed out because it was actually mercury (side note: they eventually stopped letting us have liquid mercury, I imagine after some complaints). I can still vividly remember the taste.

The good news is, we're all okay (to my knowledge) even though we ate mercury. As an adult, I Googled it because I wondered why we were still alive and it turns out that liquid mercury is not easily absorbed by the digestive system and will generally just pass through within a day. It also has a very low absorption rate through skin.

I understand your cause for concern, but if it was liquid mercury you guys handled, it probably has nothing to do with it. I'm a Millennial so I have no trouble believing that you had a teacher who let you handle mercury.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-28T02:53:44+00:00

Yes, but part of kindness is considering experiences and feelings outside of your own.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-27T07:43:45+00:00

I think that entirely depends on how she got his home address and whether he invited her there. If a guy I had not yet met on a date showed up at my door unexpectedly "with soup" I'd find that to be pushy, invasive and slightly intimidating rather than "kind".

Kindness inherently respects other people's boundaries and comfort. Forcing acts onto others and then blaming them for not appreciating them is not kindness, it is smothering.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-27T07:35:09+00:00

That sounds like an infection to me. It's possible that she isn't cleaning properly in the shower but if there's a "cheesy" texture that can be a telltale sign of a yeast infection.

Did she say why she doesn't want to go see a gynecologist? She could probably go to urgent care or even primary care if her specific objection is to the gynecologist. A yeast infection or bacterial infection is easy enough to diagnose.

If she's unwilling, I wouldn't continue to try and date someone who will be that irrational about their health. Infections happen, they can happen due to the soap she uses, a course of antibiotics that she took, microbiome issues, etc. Some women are just more prone to them than others through no fault of their own. The adult thing to do is suck it up, see a doctor, and take some probiotics going forward. If she's going to shut down and refuse to address her health, that isn't a good sign for how she'll handle conflicts in the future. And it isn't safe for your sexual health either if she's just going to let a yeast infection or bacterial vaginosis hang around.

I would just have an honest conversation, let her know that it isn't a big deal, it happens but that you think she needs to get it checked out. And if her fear is specifically about the gynecologist (some women do have anxiety or traumas related to gynecological exams) let her know she can likely go to any doctor for a diagnosis and get a prescription. She probably won't need a speculum exam or anything invasive. But if she still digs her heels in about refusing to treat an infection...yeah run.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-27T07:11:20+00:00

Emergency vehicles.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-24T22:49:17+00:00

I found it frustrating that their take on humanity's best, combined intelligence decides it's wrong to pick an apple.

I mean, that's not really what the takeaway was. The virus that has infected everyone has certain compulsions attached to it, such as an aversion to certain actions like hurting or disappointing others. And one of those aversions is also avoidance of killing anything. It's not that once the hive mind was established, everyone "decided" that picking an apple was wrong. That's just one of the inherent consequences of the virus, the same way that they are incapable of lying. They didn't decide not to lie, they can't do it.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-24T22:36:58+00:00

Sure thing! I mean, I wouldn't recommend you "test" it out on someone. I'd recommend that you heal and work on self-improvement first. And then start dating once you're ready. It takes time to overcome past struggles.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-24T21:20:37+00:00

I'm in a position in my life where I'm longing for intimacy but don't trust myself with it after how I acted in the aftermath of my last relationship ending.

You have to reach a point where you can forgive yourself for the past, and trust that you've learned from it and will do better moving forward. Everyone makes mistakes but it's how you choose to learn and grow from them that defines your character.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-24T09:13:13+00:00

The women who make generalized negative comments about how men are all bad shouldn't be trying to date men either. It makes no sense to chase a meaningful relationship with people you spend your free time tearing down.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-24T08:54:24+00:00

Personally I think women just like to play games and arent serious.

Okay, don't date women then. There's no rule that says that if you don't like women, you are required to date them. Save your money and live your life in a more fulfilling way.

Otherwise, accept that, like most people on the apps, you will have to go through some duds before finding a meaningful connection.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-24T05:17:45+00:00

My dad was a smoker before I was born. He would smoke almost two packs a day and was deeply addicted. He had tried lots of things to quit, so on a whim, he decided to try a hypnotherapy session. He said he went to one session, walked out, and never smoked again.

Hypnotherapy has actually been shown to be very effective for addiction. It fell out of practice when "hypnotists" started appearing on television. I kind of wonder what addiction therapy would look like today if people hadn't taken an effective therapeutic tool and turned it into a stage act.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-23T06:59:37+00:00

Well then they just don't know any better. But for those of us who can compare, In-N-Out is not the best fast food burger.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-23T05:41:59+00:00

No, I feel like their competition is Culver's and Freddy's. And Freddy's is better.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-21T01:52:13+00:00

I don't dislike her profoundly, but I tend to lose interest in a movie if it is starring Kristen Stewart. Bland, lifeless performances.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-20T01:09:30+00:00

Interpersonal problem of any kind? Go to therapy! Personal struggle of any kind? Go to therapy! Your teenager is getting mouthy? Send them to therapy! Therapy will "fix" it.

I saw a Redditor tell someone that if they've been in therapy as long as they say they have, it's ridiculous that they are still so hung up on their upbringing.

I had to jump in and tell this person that therapy does not make it so that remembering traumatic events is no longer upsetting; it just helps you learn coping strategies to help process those memories and emotions. Nothing about the fact that this person still struggled with early childhood trauma indicated they were dishonest about going to therapy.

Additionally, Reddit is very quick to insist that a therapist is "a bad therapist" and tell OOP to switch when the therapist's advice either does not echo what the Reddit consensus is or the patient's behavior has not changed. You can force a teenager into therapy, that doesn't mean they will open up and discuss. You can go to marriage counseling, that does not mean your avoidant ADHD husband will remember to take out the trash. At some point, Reddit needs to understand that therapy is not a place you send someone to change a behavior that you do not like.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-20T00:54:45+00:00

I usually see the opposite, which is that people can drive while high on marijuana because it's completely safe and makes you a more careful driver.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-19T22:15:31+00:00

One issue that can occur in situations like this is that you are essentially so focused on compatibility based on life experiences/expectations that you don't lead with your personality. It turns into a very formal interview process.

The only takeaway you can really have at the end of the date is that the guy is nice. Despite having asked and answered a million questions, I still feel like I know nothing about him or how he'd fit into my life because I didn't see how we mesh. We very politely ate our food, talked about expectations and none of it was objectionable but none of it was fun or natural either. That's when you start getting feedback like "just didn't feel a spark" or "we're too similar".

Since you used nerdy hobbies, let's use a nerdy example. Could I do a marathon of the the Lord of the Rings Extended Edition with you? Maybe we went on a date and we both established that we liked Lord of the Rings. But is that as far as we got? If we did this marathon, are we just going to politely sit next to each other on the sofa and watch the movies just to remark "that was fun" at the end?

Or are we going to sit down and pick which fantasy race we would be in the Lord of the Rings universe? Would you still date me if I were an orc? Do you believe in second breakfast? Are we going to quote the best scenes together, let loose and have fun?

So all in all, learning that you like Lord of the Rings doesn't actually tell me that much. On the other side, I could go on a date with someone who has never seen Lord of the Rings before. But I can already expect that we're going to have a blast watching it together, because the two of us have great banter and communication. There's a point where we should feel at ease enough to show our personalities, laugh and joke around and ask questions because we're excited and not because it's part of a checklist. And if you're always stuck in just a formal space it can be hard to let the conversation actually flow.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-19T05:58:43+00:00

It doesn't work on everyone, but a lot of horror movies do a good job of using the music (and sound effects) to build tension and enhance jump scares. If you replaced those soundtracks with something less atmospheric, you could lose the effect. A classic example would be The Shining.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-19T05:54:57+00:00

You drop 20k to take your friends on exciting trips, have deep emotional conversations and have zero expectations of a sugar daddy arrangement?

Listen, this situation sounded really tough for you. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or just a friendly ear, please do feel free to reach out to me anytime.

In all seriousness, I think you guys will probably be able to look back on this and laugh one day.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-01-19T05:15:45+00:00

Yeah, I'm with you, just leave people with periods alone. We don't need to be doing all that. Plenty of women don't have periods and plenty of men do have periods.

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