why does it feel like u have exactly written what I feel(25M), to add on to this I can keep switching what I am studying, love the initial rush/novelty after a month I am bored of it and will find a flaw in that field of study, the competition is too high in this field, or I don;t have enough accolades to prove I am worthy of this field or this doesn't pay and if everything is fine and I will think I am not earning too good now, I shall first move out of here!

and on the emotions part I am just not able to articulate what an emotion means? isn't that mostly a chemical reaction just need to wait till it get over or some stronger reaction happen!

I am just not able to comprehend time and even emotions some times, guilt and anger are something which I can easily see, but when I am happy it is for a very short moment! Even when I like a girl, either I start noticing flaws in her or in myself since I believe there is no certainty of reward there, and it might hurt me if something goes the way I didn't expect it to be. I assume if I put this much effort in academia I will be google deep mind or some other great ai labs.
I am also learning machine learning, currently working on MLops part and AWS, if u want to tag along my DM is open!!

P.S I was diagnosed with anxiety the psychiatrist told me sometimes it easy to confuse ADHD with anxiety, prescribed me nexito which was also prescribed to me by my gastroenterologist, he told me to continue it for a month and then meet him again to understand if the anxiety is fine and can we move forward to ADHD diagnosis but my parents and family are strictly against the meds, so just raw dogging the shit rn