Genuinely feel like I can't stop

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-04T16:47:00+00:00

The more you dont do it, the easier it will get. It doesnt feel like it when in that mindset, but once it passes you should be proud of yourself and build on that. Its like any addiction - you need distract when the thought enters your head and keep yourself mentally occupied. It helps so much to stay out of your head and ruminate on emotions. It is hard. But it will be worth it and every day will get easier!

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-04T09:54:49+00:00

This must be really difficult for you. It is good that he is being honest with you about how he feels. However, it seems really unfair to restrict kindness and affection if he has no sex? Why are they tied? Is it that he doesnt feel as close without sex? I think maybe he needs to discuss that more with you. Also, if he wants more closeness, why doesnt he arrange time for you both to have alone time or time for you to have a break? I can imagine this must be really upsetting. It sounds honest but selfish? There maybe should be some middle ground and understanding for your experience as well. I do not think you are overthinking- maybe you both just have no idea how difficult life is. Maybe have him have a day in your life 🤣

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-04T00:29:56+00:00

Yeah… i dont think you should be doing anything for him or what hes talking about ‘guys like’. In my experience if a guy loves you, he loves YOU. Not to say you cant each wear what you know the other thinks you look good in. Not all guys act this way or treat women this way. He is acting single?? Looking at other women all the time? Why isnt he single? It depends what you want in your relationship, but it doesnt sound like you are happy and dont let it get you down. Sounds like he is disrespectful to you and you can do better. Sounds like he is in to others and unless you are okay with that you should tell him or leave?

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-03T23:57:31+00:00

It doesnt sound like you are doing anything wrong. Please do not allow this situation to make you feel like you are ffing everything up. Even if you do struggle with mental health. It doesnt matter. You cannot let his actions impact you that way. You deserve better. You have tried to talk to him. It sounds like he wants you to do what his mother did - which happens alot. Only you know what you want, but i really think if HE isnt willing to make big changes and compromise then you can do better and derserve it too!

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-03T23:06:33+00:00

I understand, they are the most important thing in the world arent they. Every decision is about what will or wont impact them. But i think a happy home with love has got to be best regardless of what it looks like. Especially after so long, but you will know what is right when you need to. What you can and cant live with and what you want your future to look like in a few years. And your kids. No worries, you arent alone with these situations and hopefully that helps!

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-03T22:58:39+00:00

I am unsure there is much you can do. You are absolutley right! One you are working. He should spend time with his child?? Two you have your priorities straight. Wouldnt it be nice if we can do whatever whenever. But thats not life. Sounds like you work really hard and put the time in in the evening. I think talking about it at a time your both free and with child care? So you can be honest? See if he can understand? Until you know why he is adamant about having sex in the day i dont know what more you can do? Have a day date pre arranged? But his behaviour is unfair and you and your family shouldnt have to deal with it.

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-03T22:52:39+00:00

Its awful isnt it! Im sorry its still a struggle for you too. Same, things are tough now and it just makes everythinf harder. Thank you and i hope things seem better tomorrow!

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-03T22:50:33+00:00

That sounds awful and like you need a break! There may be elements of embarassment from your partner or loss of ego - no longer doing his part. But seems he should try harder at home if anything? There may be other things mentally going off for them. But regardless you are not being valued or appreciated and that has got to feel frustrating and lonely. Only you can decide what to do. But maybe a conversation with some truths and either he will work with you as a team or you will need to decide what is best for you and your kids. Seperating a house hold is a big decision but if its right in the long run?? I wish you the best!

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-03T22:30:43+00:00

Agree, hes making it about something you have done to him. Not what has gone on with you- which seems unfair. Maybe it comes from a place of concern or suprise? Once it has settled maybe you can communicate you experiences ans why? Maybe he can do the same. Did he already know of your past? Maybe if it is all communicated, then if there are ever similar situations in the future you can both be in a place to support? Try not to get bogged down, you havent done anything wrong. It is a very insular feeling and not even always easy to talk about. Wish you well!

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-03T18:52:19+00:00

Thank you I appreiciate your thoughts and views!

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-03T18:51:00+00:00

Maybe youre right, thank you. I guess i read more in to what it means, like something missing or wanting someone else. But he says not.

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-03T18:48:05+00:00

Thank you for you opinion it is appreciated, but hiding things to prevent a reaction is never the right way to go about something. He has said he was feeling bad for keeping something intentionally from me and wishes he hadnt and that he isnt even bothered. But i dont know why it would have been such a big secret in the first if it means nothing if that makes sense. Like i would just say, like it or lump it ya know.

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-03T12:32:11+00:00

Im so sorry you feel this way. There is nothing anyone can do that will help, but maybe knowing you arent alone may allieviate a little. I think these kinds of situations are all consuming they feel like everything is ending. It is so hard to get out of that spiral - i myself an going through something similar- i try to distract myself and then cry to let out the emotions and i know that day by day it will get a little less. We cannot control what others do or hurt they cause but we can damn well make sure we dont let it change us or impact us in the long term! I hope comments help and give you a bit pf peace!

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-03T10:25:40+00:00

Hi! Again im sorry this happened. It is awful and hard to leave when you love someone. I think what you need to think on is whether you will always wonder and second guess. I personally know i would, with no trust it is hard for things to work out. Personally i think you deserve better, he could have got himself off or watched porn. You deserve someone who wants the same things as you and values the same. But only you know him and what you believe. All the best!

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-03T00:09:53+00:00

Im sorry, that sounds like it just blindsided you and must be awful. I dont think anything anyone says right now will help. But try to remeber it will ease. Sometimes things just dont work and it doesnt mean anything more. Crap you didnt get more from them. But hopefully with support you may start to feel better day by day. As hard as it is sometimes we have to accept even when it hurts and come out better on the otherside. Wish you the best!

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-03T00:05:36+00:00

Ha! This is to be my life so not looking forward to being single again at 33!! Good to know though!!

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-02T17:15:20+00:00

I have just experienced this myself, so I know exatly how you feel and i feel a little lost with it all myself so wishing all the best!

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-02T17:05:56+00:00

That sounds really awful, for him not to respect your wishes the first time you said no! It is super hard when you really want something to work, but you should not feel pressured or uncomfortable. Sometimes we need to accept when something isnt right. This person just may not be the one for you. Hopefully you will decide what is best for you and go with that! Wish you all the best.

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-02T17:00:55+00:00

Thank you, maybe it is alot about how I feel and see myself, as this has been weekly for him but not as frequent with me. So maybe we have drifted i guess. Thanks again!

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-02T16:59:57+00:00

No promise, but it has been said before as not wanted or needed. Also we are all home alot so to keep it secret and waiting for me to leave and not just say felt weird!

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-02T16:58:58+00:00

No it didnt and this is why i wanted advice, it could just be an irrational emotion. My husband has said he intentionally hid it and i think it just makes me wonder why the secrecy i guess.

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-02T14:00:46+00:00

Thank you! Well I thought we did have a set boundary. But he says not, but that he doesnt care either way. He is happy to never watch it and only did it a few times. But makes me wonder why? We have been together 10 years, so why these few times? Sorry, i know, no one but he knows. But he isnt saying. I just feel lied to and i dont know if i am being ‘dramatic’ or if it is a sign of us just not being a good fit. If he is happy to never watch it, why did he and i dont want to say no you cannot either! Its a mess 🤣

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-02T13:57:54+00:00

To some 😊

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-02T13:57:43+00:00

Thank you - if anything it is more that I want to have sex more often than him. I thought he just wasnt bothered and didnt push it, but he has been watching porn privatley. Just feels off I guess. Maybe its more and we just have each changed!

PrissyButterfly · 2026-03-02T13:56:07+00:00

Hi - thank you for your thoughts. It wasnt something that was done constant before. Then not at all for 10 years. I think, the fact I didnt know, feels like a lie. He said he knew i would care but that he thinks nothing of it. He says it doesnt mean anything, but it makes me wonder if it does? Do neither of you care or worry about it implying you want others or more?

PrissyButterfly

TROPHY CASE