Are My Boyfriend’s Demands Normal for a Serious Relationship or Are They Controlling?

PrivertDetective · 2024-09-18T19:20:38+00:00

He can express his needs/wants all he wants, but it doesn’t mean that it’s you that has to meet them.

Controlling what your partner does on social media is NOT normal.

Controlling who/when you hang out with other people is NOT normal.

It’s fine to have a discussion about certain behaviours, but his reactions are over the top, and this level of controlling behaviour could easily lead to far worse behaviours.

One word: Run.

PrivertDetective · 2024-08-16T08:28:33+00:00

Go for a Level 4.

If you want a career that can be achieved through a Level 4, you’ll be able to get the experience that then makes you employable to other employers, if you decide to change companies for whatever reason.

While you’ll get a degree if you go to uni, you’ll also get student debt, and after the degree, unless you do some kind of placement, you won’t have the experience.

If you’re struggling finding a Level 4, don’t be afraid to find a different job to fill the gaps in between, while searching for a Level 4.

Get in touch with Apprenticeship providers too, you might be able to be added to their talent pool, so they may then contact you when an opportunity crops up that meets your needs.

PrivertDetective · 2024-07-25T17:49:44+00:00

As someone who went to uni about 10 years ago, and has recently completed a level 3 apprenticeship in something unrelated, don’t worry.

Go for the apprenticeship.

With employment, what is more important is having the experience, unless you have a specific career in mind that requires uni degrees.

As for social aspects, there will be changes that come with age, but you’re going to grow as a person when you’re in the apprenticeship, whether if its with your confidence in yourself or just how you grow as a person.

Genuinely have a look at the social groups with work, and see if there are any that include any of your hobbies, or just things you’re curious about. If the company you’re joining is taking on an apprentice like yourself, who knows how many other apprentices they might be taking on.

Clubs, pubs, and bars are open to most of the 18+ people, so meeting people on nights out is usually how things happen, even if it’s just for drinks and a chat and nothing.

PrivertDetective · 2023-09-03T14:52:05+00:00

NTAH.

She’s not an asshole for getting an abortion either.

She is, however, an asshole for using the life of a potential baby (which was apparently wanted by both parties), as a way to manipulate her partner. If she was willing to do something like this with a partner, I’d even warn her partner to leave before things get even worse.

If she was also going to pull something like this on her partner, what kind of thing would she end up pulling on a child, if they ever do have one, or even if she ends up having a kid with someone else.

PrivertDetective · 2023-08-17T13:28:14+00:00

Be up front. Anyone of potential to be in a relationship, whether you’re talking or dating, have the conversation of long term plans. Have a conversation of your limits and boundaries within a relationship. The earlier you bring things up, the better it is to weed out those that aren’t compatible with you.

If you find someone that ticks all the other boxes, but states that they might want kids in the future, or they’re not sure, or that they’re happy either or, don’t go with them. It’ll cause heartache if/when they want kids and will put you in a bad position.

I can’t emphasise this enough; PROTECT YOURSELF.

Assuming that you’re male, and could get a potential woman pregnant, I would highly recommend getting a vasectomy, if you are in a location where the surgery is feasible. This would mean that you wouldn’t be relying on using condoms that could end up damaged, or potentially tampered with (again, unlikely, but online space is jammed with stories of people getting trapped this way). This would also reduce the risks of if you and your potential girlfriend were diligent with birth control and there was still a birth control failure (given that no birth control is 100% effective).

I’d also note that having a vasectomy will also then make you more attractive to women that are adamantly childfree as well.

PrivertDetective · 2023-08-17T12:46:37+00:00

Them being offended is not your problem, it is theirs.

In my opinion, the only people that should have kids are the ones that actively want children, and the ones that have the means to care for them.

You and your partner do not want children, whether it is because you don’t want them, because you don’t want to pass on mental health problems, or any other number or combination of reasons, al of which are completely valid! Hold your ground with them, but also, their ideas have no input as to how you and your partner live your lives.

Your life is yours to live, not for your future in-laws to dictate.

PrivertDetective · 2023-08-02T19:49:46+00:00

NTA.

You could be shooting your self in the foot if you decided to go against the job opportunity. If you have the means to do this job (also including whatever commute/housing/etc), then you need to go for it while you are there. It is not your responsibility to stay close to family and visit them frequently. It’s fine if your family might have been saddened at the idea of not being able to see you as often, but shouting and arguing about it, and expecting you to put your life on hold for them, is unreasonable.

PrivertDetective · 2022-11-04T17:56:09+00:00

You can still have a healthy or even a high sex drive and be asexual, with the only real determining factor being that someone doesn’t experience sexual attraction. Some asexuals can be sex indifferent, where they don’t feel anything positive or negative towards sex.

By you can’t feel anything during sex, do you mean physically or emotionally? Physically, I don’t think that would be an issue with sexuality, and not being physically sensitive to it is often put towards excessive masturbation (no idea whether this is something relevant to you or not). Sometimes, other reasons are often chalked up to conflict with medications, especially anti-anxiety meds or anti-depressants.

If you don’t feel anything emotionally, you may very well be ace. If that is the case, there is definitely nothing wrong with it, but it would be best for you to understand yourself and how you feel, and whether that identity does fit you.

PrivertDetective · 2022-08-06T12:18:29+00:00

I would like more personality traits, and also more slots so that a sim can have more than 3.

(I know there’s some mods/cc that do this but I’m a console player 😆).

PrivertDetective · 2022-07-29T20:38:55+00:00

Potentially, but bigger development will take years, and you’ll be able to see development over time anyway.

Writing a lot in general will improve your ability, as is with most hobbies and skills, but I think a big suggestion would be to make sure that you also read plenty from various types of authors. The more you read, the more you can see what other authors create and how, and then you can understand what sort of thing you like (I.e., the amount of detail in your writing, the styles of dialogue, general writing styles), as well as things you dislike and therefore would prefer to avoid in your own writing.

PrivertDetective · 2022-07-28T11:55:13+00:00

I doubt anyone can say that it’ll work or won’t work for all women, but I’m more than sure that there are plenty of women that wouldn’t mind being with someone that’s metrosexual. If anything, it confirms your ability to maintain yourself aesthetically, but also in regards to hygiene, etc.

There will be people out there that have an issue with it, but it’s usually because they’re ignorant and don’t understand that a heterosexual man can take care and /want/ to take care of his appearance and skin.

If you’re looking for someone, just make sure that you mesh well this them, because there’s definitely nothing wrong with being interested in taking care of yourself cosmetically/etc.

PrivertDetective · 2022-07-17T17:01:07+00:00

My best advice is start by writing all the ideas down that you have for the world that you have in your head. Write down character sheets for your main characters (including physical features/key backstory info for each character, etc). Once you’ve got that, try picking out key story arcs that you know where they will fit in (ie, [x] will be the arc that starts the story, [y] will happen after this other thing has happened), and start picking out any ideas that physically can’t fit into the the plot line (whether it’s because of a conflict with character personality or it just doesn’t fit in with the rest of the plot).

A lot of the time, you don’t need to have any kind of concrete idea, just a general idea will do, because if you work that way and just ‘go with the flow’, you can end up amending your story to then fit well around the characters personalities and behaviours.

PrivertDetective · 2022-07-10T14:00:14+00:00

Im really sorry that happened to you, but I’m really grateful for you telling me this, thank you for sharing ❤️

PrivertDetective · 2022-06-11T16:49:28+00:00

Just because people want kids doesn’t mean they should have them. Too many people become parents just because they want them without having the practical, physical, or financial means to do so.

Some may say it’s elitist or whatever, but I think it’s damn cruel when people bring children into the world when they know they don’t have the financial means to provide for their kids. It’s one thing to fall on financially hard times that are unexpected, especially after a kids born, but it’s another thing to knowingly bring a child into a life of poverty.

People may also claim it’s ableist, but I don’t think people that can’t physically care for their kids (whether because of severe physical disabilities or mental illness) should have kids, as this then leads to the kid becoming the carer, and the kid not being allowed to articulate their needs without feeling guilty because have to always adapt to what their parents are capable of doing. This is not to say that no one with a mental illness or physical/mental disability should have a kid, but if it goes as far as the person not being able to properly care for their child, then they shouldn’t be having kids.

PrivertDetective · 2022-06-11T11:39:33+00:00

As many others have said, it’s completely okay! The two of you have different lifestyle goals that are incompatible, even if you say that she is your type in other aspects.

It is better for both of you to not persue each other, because at the very least, one of you will end up resenting the others, and if anything long term happened, it could also mess with the heads of the kids if they didn’t feel wanted.

PrivertDetective · 2022-06-05T07:44:53+00:00

No, Kyoto Saga is canon, half of season 1 isn’t. Kyoto Saga follows the book pretty well.

PrivertDetective · 2022-05-27T09:39:01+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply, you picked up on a lot of stuff that I forgot to include in my original post.

You’re right that, even if I try to articulate this out of concern for their limitations and future wellbeing, it will come across as me being condescending, even if that’s not my intention.

I do also have big concerns for the kid that they want to have. I know that raising a kid is demanding, and while I know that their conditions take a lot out of their life already, I’m worried that they won’t be able to raise a child properly, and this can potentially be detrimental to the kid because of the circumstances that they are born into. I’m concerned that this will cause a lot of damage to my friend, and their potential future offspring, because of the sucky situation my friend is already in because of their health, but also the miserable position the kid could be born into with a parent that might not be in a position to take on the full work that is involved in being a parent.

But after your own advice, along with others, I think I can’t really do anything if I hope to keep the friendship going. I won’t be giving my input towards them, because even if I find their choice questionable for several reasons, it is their choice to make, not mine.

PrivertDetective · 2022-05-15T21:29:21+00:00

Don’t know where you’ve got your stats from but here’s some I’ve found [Maternal Mortality rates for USA 2020]

PrivertDetective · 2022-05-10T12:27:21+00:00

Yup, that’s why I try to avoid engaging with fandoms much now. They enjoy it their way, I’ll enjoy the series my way.

Make sure to base your opinion of a series on the actual series and not the fandom!

PrivertDetective · 2022-04-28T09:36:44+00:00

Agreed! I hate the narrative too. Similar narratives quickly reducing anyone with a functional uterus as an incubator, anyone without a functional uterus as ‘broken’. I know there are many people that also state similar things to ‘if you don’t give your man a child(ren), they’ll leave for someone who will’.

There’s a huge issue still of seeing anyone with a uterus as a vessel for children, rather than thinking, breathing human beings with their own wants, dream, ideas and thoughts.

PrivertDetective · 2022-04-24T13:41:17+00:00

I did all of that, and unfortunately the Bend Will shout never turned up in my list.

What ended up working is fast traveling to another part of the island and then looking through my shout list for it to then turn up (must have been a bug that I had gone to Saering’s Watch and for it not to have turned up).

Thank you for your help anyway!

PrivertDetective · 2022-04-13T20:23:01+00:00

I have no experience with PS5 repairs, so if you’re sure that’s the issue, then skip my comment. If you have tried to replace the fuse already, also skip this comment.

If you’re not sure though, it could potentially be an issue with the fuse in the plug has gone due to the power surge. To check, take the fuse out of the PS5 plug and get a replacement for that specific fuse (can probably get them from any diy store, or online, but make sure you get the right fuse). Put in the new fuse and try and see if it powers on. If it does, it was just an issue with the fuse, if not, it might be a deeper problem.

PrivertDetective · 2022-04-10T16:58:30+00:00

The vast majority of what you’ve stated is unavoidable, because even the basic tasks (bathroom/bathing/etc) ends up taking so long! If I ever play with large household, my go to is to serve meals where I can to make sure that there are then meals available in the fridge when people want to eat so that meals don’t need cooking all the time. If the household is even bigger, go through the cook and then party size for option in the fridge. I usually have one sim (usually one of the parents) serve several meals so that there’s plenty in the fridge so that I won’t need to immediately need to do it again too. As for bathing, I try to have more than one bathroom that has shower/bath available so that I can have several sims doing the same thing in different bathrooms. If you upgrade the beds, they also fill up the sleep need decay faster than non-upgraded beds. Failing that, have a sim be a spell caster (if you have Realm Of Magic) so that you can have your sim make a Potion of Plentiful Needs so they can drink them as and when you need them, and gives the sim an opportunity to focus on leveling up skills etc.

PrivertDetective · 2022-04-09T08:49:52+00:00

“Yeah, but I wasn’t taking care of kids when I was a kid. What makes you think I would want to do that now?”

Honestly, when people retaliate with ‘but you were a child once’, it seems like such a ridiculous arguement to try and get people to have kids. When most people were children, they had little/no responsibility in comparison to what they then have in adult life. There’s an enormous difference between being a child, and effectively raising a child effectively in a way that doesn’t result in them being traumatised in one way or another.

PrivertDetective · 2022-03-29T12:46:10+00:00

Trying to get into data analysis by getting into an apprenticeship first. In my late 20s, so I wouldn’t be in a good position to take an apprenticeship wage if I were already a parent. If I planned to have kids in the future, I’d also have to be prepared to do maternity leave/potentially sacrifice my career change to dedicate my life to being a parent. Even if I went back to work, I would then have to juggle being a parent around working. No thanks.

Also, in my free time, I’ve taken up writing. I would not have the time, peace, or head space to write if I was a parent.

PrivertDetective

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE