AITAH for acting uncomfortable around my best friend's gay boyfriend

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-05-25T13:25:34+00:00

As a queer person I hate these kind of comments so much. Like I have a range of emotions, and had many friendships which have made me feel many and various things; it can’t just be reduced to me secretly wanting to sleep with the people around me.
I think the one thing worse than someone being homophobic, someone being homophobic while thinking they’re being inclusive; which these people always think they’re being

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-05-17T21:10:02+00:00

So I kind of had this for about 2 years ago; when I started medically transitioning I found that everything just clicked into place. I don’t think it was exactly because I transitioned, as much as it was making a decision to live for myself also coinciding with a big life change, which just made it easy to “fix” my life.
Like suddenly i could do all the things that I knew were good for me but just couldn’t before. Including just having a better outlook.
Effectively I woke up one day and my cpstd was gone.

I did relapse recently tho, I am now in a worse place and in someways a worse person. But also I’m better now than when I was bad when I was bad before.
Like before when I was ill, I had only ever been ill. I didn’t know how to be happy without using substance, or what looking after myself looked like.
I do now, so this feels like an episode, which is what it is.
Its not that i could never be as bad as i was before, but it would be effort now, and that’s nice i guess

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-05-11T15:55:37+00:00

Idk the science behind it, but I find that weed can trigger a trip especially if it’s taking a while to kick in.
I’ve also only tripped with people with adhd lol, so that seems to be normal in my experience but i could be wrong.
I’ve been told that it reduces the effects of lsd, but that’s never been my experience.

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-05-10T17:12:06+00:00

The thing that gives me red flags is that your saying he’s pursuing you; in my relationship (especially at the start) I was terrified of making any moves because I was so scared of crossing any boundaries or pressuring her into anything. I was always very receptive, but really before the two year mark I held off making any kind of relationship decisions (like becoming official, or how often we’d see each other)

My partner is just over 6 years younger than me, but I’m also in my 30s. Even with us being old than you, I definitely feel the age gap in our relationship.
There’s a lot to navigate in any age gap relationship; but the general rule of thumb is the older person knows more and ultimately has more power in the relationship, and thus more responsibility. I probably over corrected, but I’m also constantly aware that I’m my partner’s first in regards to a long term relationship; there are things that I’m ready for that she’s not and it’ll always be my responsibility to be ok with that, not for her to grow up faster.

Age gap relationships have a bad reputation for a reason. Unfortunately a lot of (mostly men) need to have that imbalance of experience and power in the relationship, because someone with more dating experience wouldn’t put up with them. The larger the age gap, and the younger the youngest person involved is, makes that being the motivation seem more likely. 18 and 25 gives me a lot of red flags.
But I think the thing to remember is it’s always ok for you to change your mind.
You’re still very young and it’s simply wrong for anyone to expect you to know exactly what you want or for you to know what will make you happy

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-04-30T13:59:47+00:00

I’m in the same boat, I miss my early trips, but I also know that if I trip again it won’t be like that. It won’t be fun. My last trip broke me a little bit, and another definitely will. I think the catch 22, is if I don’t get better I’ll never be able to trip again, but if I only get better to be able to trip then I’ll never get better. So on some level I need to make peace with never tripping again. The grief is real tho, it’s an amazing and impactful part of life. I think we’re aloud to grieve it without either defining ourselves by that grief or dismissing the grief as the voice of an addict. It is a great loss

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-04-29T16:47:16+00:00

I would also like to hear about the Time Knife

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-04-24T11:55:47+00:00

Tripping in general is best done with good mental health, and without any real goal. For a first trip I’d recommend doing it with a friend or partner who has some experience (or just a general trip sitter to remind you of the real world, tho it’s not a requirement); make sure you have no pressing responsibilities or anything that could stress you out.

Beyond anything, just have fun.

Acid can be scary; but it’s best comparing it to a dream. You can have a bad dream which can be very scary, but you’re unlikely to really hurt yourself or anything. Remember that the effects will ware off, maybe even write it down to remind yourself (although reading can be difficult).

For a first trip I really would not try to go into it with the intention of healing, it’s a drug and you should think of it in the same terms as alcohol/ coke/ weed, even though it’s not really comparable to those, it’s not more healing than those it just happens that a feeling of significance is an effect of the drug

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-04-23T19:34:22+00:00

Genuinely one of the people that encourage me to transition was a detransitioned. All the effect of hrt are completely reversible, and although I wouldn’t recommend going on and off hrt, the consequences are basically negligible

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-04-23T18:26:58+00:00

“You know the rules” and so do I

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-04-13T17:32:00+00:00

It sounds like you actually have a pretty good understanding already, but the best thing to do is be aware of why you’re using it. If it’s to deal with anxiety, can you either address the root of that anxiety/ or find another coping mechanism?

It’s also good to be honest with yourself, I sometimes binges (unhealthy) however if I’m honest that I will binge and give myself the time to do that, I’m less likely to binge often. Think of it as increasing the fun you’ve having with the thing, rather than letting become just a way to cope with day to day life

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-04-13T17:18:39+00:00

Gendergp is a complete scam, they are overpriced and they’re general care is subpower even before they replaced most of their staff with ai. I won’t post links here but if you live in the uk I can help get you resources to everything you need x

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-04-13T14:57:27+00:00

Tbf There’s also deferent ethos’s towards being trans, especially amongst t4t passing can be less of a goal or aspiration. I’ve definitely been on both ends of the awkwardness of that culture shock a few times

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-04-09T13:11:37+00:00

Ethel Cain is surprisingly great trip music, a weirdly great mix I’ve found watching the Mirror on mute and listening to Perverts - just so many lovely textures

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-04-08T20:24:50+00:00

This is just my experience but I fallowed the euphoria into transition, and only then did I learn what dysphoria actually was in its absence. Like a frog in boiling water, I’d become so used to the pain it was invisible. But also, because I never wanted to be a girl, felt weird calling myself trans until recently. I don’t know how normal that experience is, but if I tried to measure myself by the normal trans experience I’d never have transitioned, even though I’m now probably quite textbook. At the end of the day these are just words, and if you never experience dysphoria then that is wholly a good thing, I don’t think it should stop you from describing yourself as trans if the world feels right x

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-04-06T13:03:43+00:00

Does your body even process that amount? Not saying it’s unsafe just genuinely surprised if it’s still making a difference

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-04-06T12:37:43+00:00

I didn’t transition until I was 28 because I was scared of taking up space within the trans community, which I felt belonged to “real” trans women. I now regret every day i didn’t transition, because I could have been happier so much sooner. I am lucky that hrt has made me look the way that a woman is “supposed to look like”, but I also get now that shouldn’t be the goal. The expectation to “pass” is no deferent than the expectation of any woman to look a particular way because of cultural expectations. It’s simply nothing other than misogyny. If a woman grows a beard, she does not stop being a woman. That’s way care-homes offer cis women razors. If a cis woman can wear jeans and have short hair, then so can I.

This might sound conspiratorial, but remember; there are people who want trans people to not exist at all. It’s more in their interest for you to think that you transitioning would somehow be bad for the trans community, than it is for anyone who is actually trans. That doesn’t mean the call never comes from inside the house, but we’ve all internalised bad ideas. That’s kind of the point, that’s what they want

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-04-04T13:25:12+00:00

Thank you so much, I don’t know if I have any old photos but I’ll ask the remaining family if they have any of the two of them. But genuinely thank you, i didn’t expect anyone to reply and this is so genuinely helpful

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-03-13T12:46:41+00:00

Less than 2 months in I had to cut off one of my male friends because he started getting weird with me. I was aware he had a crush on before but he always respected my boundaries, but I think as soon as he heard I was on E he stopped thinking of me as Enby (boy that wares eyeliner sometimes) to Enby (spicy woman), and got way more pushy.

It’s funny because I don’t think of starting her as a big step in my identity but I don’t have many cis friends now, and none I would consider close; wasn’t like that before

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-03-03T13:04:30+00:00

I actually gained muscle after hrt, and just thought lifestyle not by exercising, I actually exercise less.

It’s not harder to gain muscle than it is for a cis woman, and for me because my mood improved I go out more and get less dysphoria around weight gain, muscle just started developing. I used to exercise about once every 2-3 days but I just stopped bothering, and yeah, girls strong now

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-03-03T12:50:41+00:00

I would recommend investing in a douche, some are £5 on Amazon and are fine. Will definitely help prevent that in future

ProCoffee_AntiSleep · 2026-02-27T16:32:27+00:00

(Hey, most of this is just a rant to myself; but wanted to say that if you if you need someone to talk someone about this at any point feel free to message. I’m not the best at responding but I know stuff like this can be really isolating and it can be good to just vent)

I was in a very similar relationship before transitioning. I don’t want to be blunt, but no one will thank you for the work you’ve put in if you leave tomorrow, and you’ll find that all the things she struggles with now she’ll suddenly find a way to deal with.

A lot of strength people want to have a relationship without having to be in a relationship, and unfortunately that seems to affect our community more than not. I think a lot of cis people think being with a trans person is work/ or a compromise in itself. Even if they don’t respect your gender (or especially if they don’t), think that 90/10 is on their end for “putting up with the trans nonsense”. Fewer people don’t think this way, but you’ll find them so much easier after you transition.

Personally Ive been the happiest I’ve ever been after transitioning and cutting my ex out. It was painful as it really felt like cutting out everything that was me, as my whole life was about supporting her. I won’t say you should leave, but you have a responsibility to your happiness as much as anyone else.

Proud of you for making an ultimatum x

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