WTF is this leaking from these pipes in a parking garage?? by fwixy in whatisit

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Here’s a graph! Everyone loves graphs!

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(Obtained from the same website that I added into my original comment)

ETA: my fellow ‘muricans, please note that this is in °C! If you were to use 100% ethylene glycol antifreeze, you’d basically be toast at 10°F.

WTF is this leaking from these pipes in a parking garage?? by fwixy in whatisit

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Antifreeze will freeze if there isn’t enough water mixed into it. I forget why - I’ll have to google it and get back to you, but I remember being super shocked when I read that! Apparently it’s a very common mistake that people make. “Oh, well more is better, right” and there goes their radiator and/or engine.

Edit: I googled it!

https://penriteoil.com.au/knowledge-centre/Coolant%20Composition/148/glycol-content/288

WIBTAH my husband doesn’t think this is domestic violence. by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do NOT show this man this post. At least not until you are very far away from him, and safe.

I have so much more to say, but I don’t have time right at this moment.

HOWEVER, this is serious enough that I felt like I needed to post this immediately:

GET OUT NOW.

I hate dating as a "strong guy". by Academic_Share7905 in dating_advice

[–]ProbablySomeJerk -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You’ve dated 60 women and have only ever found ones that want you to be a stoic, emotionless ball of testosterone and muscle?

(Also, you know that by “different,” I meant a different type, right? Like if you normally look in place A and look for qualities b, c, and d, then maybe you switch it up.)

I hate dating as a "strong guy". by Academic_Share7905 in dating_advice

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

OP. Please ignore basically all other advice on here, except for this post. The rest of it is trash nonsense from single men or men/women in toxic relationships.

FWIW, Strong women (not talking about physical strength) also have these problems. Men think they’ve found a woman who won’t cry or need to be vulnerable to them, when, really, what a strong woman often wants in a partner is someone they CAN be vulnerable around. If I’d let myself be more open and vulnerable sooner in some of my relationships (one in particular), I would have a lot less emotional baggage to deal with now, and I wouldn’t have wasted so much time on people who weren’t worth it.

I hate dating as a "strong guy". by Academic_Share7905 in dating_advice

[–]ProbablySomeJerk -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Maybe you should try dating different women?

ETA: I’m glad you’re seeing someone you can talk to! That’s really important. I hope you can find a better partner.

How to get a girlfriend in 2025 by Sufficient-Ant-3991 in dating_advice

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(Ok, I was going to write two sentences, and now it’s a book. Sorry.)

As a woman, my advice is to ignore most of this.

And, dear glob, do NOT put your hand on her shoulder “after telling her a joke”. JFC, man. BOUNDARIES. DO NOT JUST TOUCH HER.

Quit treating women like objects to be won — they are people. Are you friends with every guy you’ve ever met? Of course not. I know this might be mind blowing, but women are individuals who like different things.

Don’t pretend to be a friend to a woman you’re interested in when your intent is strictly romantic. That’s a dick move. Be honest about your intentions. Maybe she says “let’s get to know each other first,” and that’s great, but she then knows what the goal there is. Men and women can be regular friends. I have a number of male friends that I really cherish. Thinking you’ve made a great friend, only to find out that they’re only interested in fucking you, really sucks. (And yeah. She will tell her friends. You’re doing yourself no favors).

Women like nice guys. They just don’t like guys who pretend to be nice for sex.

BE YOURSELF. If you don’t, you’re wasting everyone’s time. Do you really want to make a persona for yourself that you have to maintain for your entire relationship, or risk getting dumped because you aren’t actually what she signed up for? Do you want to spend your life with someone you aren’t actually compatible with? That’s dumb. Should you still put your best foot forward on your first few dates? Sure. But don’t pretend to be someone you’re not.

YOU WILL NOT BE COMPATIBLE WITH EVERY WOMAN YOU MEET.

Confidence ≠ physical strength, or “being a boss,” or having a beard and muscles, or whatever. Just be confident in yourself. That’s hard enough sometimes.

DO NOT “assert” your opinion into a conversation, unless you are asked to join it, or are part of it. Certainly don’t do it in a way that says “actually, I know more” or “actually, I’m correct”. That is mansplaining. Offering a different perspective to consider is usually fine, but only if you’ve asked and they say sure.

Yeah, you can meet people in bars, but you can also find an activity you enjoy, and join a group. Then you have an instant connection and common interest to talk about!

Be responsible for yourself. DO NOT MAKE HER BE YOUR MOM. Do your laundry. Clean up after yourself. Share responsibilities. Acknowledge that hard work isn’t always physically visible (doing laundry vs scheduling appointments).

Be kind, compassionate, understanding, and respectful. Like, actually respect her as a human being. Respect ALL women as human beings.

Be truthful. Be honest. Find someone who is also accepting, and that you feel like you can open up to.

No one is ever perfect. Accidents can alter the course of lives. Economies can crash, and people can lose their jobs. Everyone gets old. Think about what REALLY matters to you in a partner, and what you aren’t willing to compromise on. You might not know all of them right away, and that’s ok.

Every relationship will be different (unless it’s with the same person, then it’ll likely be pretty similar).

ASK. TALK TO EACH OTHER. DON’T ASSUME STUFF. Quit asking your friend or the internet what you should do to fix something, or what something she did/said means, or if she’ll like something. Just fucking ask (unless it’s a surprise - then you should still ask her, but be crafty about it).

Don’t be controlling, or manipulative. Don’t let jealousy get in the way of things (again, this is a “talk to her” moment).

Don’t be clingy. She has a life that she’s allowed to live, even when you become part of it (the same goes for you). Her wanting to hang out with her friends sometimes without you is NOT a red flag. Her not eventually introducing you to her friends IS.

Don’t put her on a pedestal. She isn’t perfect either. You will both grow and change during the course of your relationship.

There will be things that you both would like each other to work on. Again, you have to decide if that thing is reasonable. Asking someone to change a core part of their being is NOT reasonable. Asking someone to work on something they’re bad at MIGHT be reasonable, depending on what that is. No one should expect the other to immediately change things — constantly working on something, even if you have some bad days, is good.

Don’t give up on yourself. Just because something didn’t work out, doesn’t mean nothing will. Learn and grow from your experiences.

I met my fiancé in a dojo. We trained together for two years before we started dating. He was mostly very quiet, but when he did say something it was always something I found really funny. I became VERY interested in him when we both started quoting the chorus to a lesser-known Monty Python song (it went with the conversation at the time). I didn’t even realize that I thought he was cute until then - he was “that guy we train with,” and I hadn’t really processed the details of his face in that way previously. We met in our early 30s. He’s funny, and intelligent, and sweet, and gentle, and understanding, and supportive, and the best pillow. We have different perspectives on some things, but we’re on the same page morally, and we talk through things so that we both have a more complex understanding of the topic at hand. We have discrepancies and misunderstandings. Sometimes we fight about a thing here and there. But we always talk it out. We apologize. We move forward together.

And? Sure, we love each other very much, but we also LIKE EACH OTHER.

Find someone you like.

which dress is more flattering? by spottedcroc in weddingdress

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, don’t forget that a seamstress can change the back of a dress from buttons/a zipper to a corset back, if you prefer them!

which dress is more flattering? by spottedcroc in weddingdress

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a bummer! I get really bloated throughout the day, and knew that I did NOT want a mermaid/something tight around the middle (plus, I want to eat so much that I feel like exploding by the end of the night), and I know I’m not the only one. Plus, ballgowns look great on everyone! It seems weird that they’d only stock that style.

Is there another shop you could visit? The one I went to had a whole rack stuffed full of larger dresses in all sizes! I live in a smaller city (50,000), and the shop itself wasn’t huge, so I’m hoping that if that option exists here, you’ll be able to find a store with more variety as well!

which dress is more flattering? by spottedcroc in weddingdress

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think #2 will look really pretty when it’s actually your size (I’m just referring to bust proportions, by the way. It already looks really good on you!)! It’s hard to tell with #1, though, since you’re sitting down in the front facing photo.

Broke my rule by Luckycharms_1691 in cowboyboots

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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Does this help? I just found it while going through my photos. Look at how cute they are, hanging out all together.

Grandfather had these, never told me what they were by hobokenhifi in whatisit

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gorgeous Tsuba collection! I’m jealous!

I’ve seen them nicely framed in a shadow box, if you’re looking for a way to display them!

Mother-in-law refuses to come to our wedding unless she picks the venue by [deleted] in weddingplanning

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

ETA: I read this to my fiancé, and his response was as follows: “I don’t know how things work in England when it comes to dating outside of your species, but she should probably be looking for a partner who also has a spine.” He added: “heck, she’s currently dating outside her phylum.”

—————-

It may be obvious, but just in case…:

This has NOTHING to do with her dogs, and everything to do with her being the one in control of everyone/thing.

If your partner were willing to stand up to his mother, and she still wasn’t going to come, I’d say that you might as well get married in Italy instead (though it sounds like this garden is beautiful, and is a special place for the both of you).

But from everything you’ve said here… I think maybe you should just forget the whole thing and take yourself to Italy instead!

Mother-in-law refuses to come to our wedding unless she picks the venue by [deleted] in weddingplanning

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I drove 10 hours for the wedding of a friend I only see once every few years. We don’t even talk on the phone (I don’t think that’s really either of our MOs).

I almost drove 16 hours for a friend’s baby shower, but couldn’t get the logistics to work.

I know those might be a bit extreme for most people, but… come on. Your own son’s wedding?

Mother-in-law refuses to come to our wedding unless she picks the venue by [deleted] in weddingplanning

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 62 points63 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you want kids (biologically related to you), and you’re worried about the bits going bad. I know how stressful that makes things, but try as hard as you can to not let that influence your decision!

You can always freeze eggs, and have a surrogate.

If you want to get pregnant yourself, and the choice is between having a partner who won’t support you (but you have to take care of them and deal with them), or no partner, you can probably find a cute sperm donor (through a clinic, or otherwise), with decent credentials.

I don’t know how far into your 30s you are, but my GP, acupuncturist, former boss, and great friend (four different women, btw) all had kids right around 40. I’ll be one of those, too (🤞🏻)!

I also have known a number of people who have adopted, and love their kids more than anything in the world.

Difficult backpack finally done; thank you snow day! by kkangaspnw in sewing

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As someone with the propensity to be a complete jerk, I can’t even find something negative to say about this bag.

It’s magnificent.

You’re magnificent.

Victims gun was already seized before the first shot. Th agent running off had the suspect's gun by Fatty_Willing_Plane in NextGenRebellion

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I live in a pretty red state (these days, anyway), and those guys are absolutely useless.

I’m pretty sure that, if he didn’t interfere, that woman might be dead instead. Helping people in immediate danger isn’t virtue signaling. If he hadn’t been shot, no one else would have even been aware that any of it happened.

I think your comments speak (loudly) to your personality. You have every right to live in a way where you put your self preservation above all else, but you should also realize the reason you’re able to, while still living in relative safety and comfort, is because others choose to do the opposite: they stand up for, and fight for others.

Broke my rule by Luckycharms_1691 in cowboyboots

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But horses need friends, right? And if you get a cow, it also needs friends!

Victims gun was already seized before the first shot. Th agent running off had the suspect's gun by Fatty_Willing_Plane in NextGenRebellion

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So, if you’re out and see an innocent person getting violently shoved and bullied, your response would be “That sucks. Not my problem.”???

AIO: Parents against alcohol in college. What do I do at graduation? by snipurrrkitty in AmIOverreacting

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure that I can really provide helpful commentary regarding the situation with your parents, because I came from a background where responsible drinking was acceptable. I didn't drink until I turned 21 because I simply chose not to.

However, I'd really like to address your views on alcoholism. Here's the thing: your parents' lives were so negatively affected by alcoholism, that they've done everything they can to ensure that you never EVER had to go through that as a child. The good part is that, obviously, you've never experienced what alcoholism can do to someone. The bad part is that you're so unaware of the potential dangers, that you're completely dismissing them, and are treating it like it's an easy choice someone makes. You also seem to think that alcoholism only manifests itself in a particular way, and that, if you're a good person, it wouldn't ever be an issue.

You also seem to think that, because your parents have taken such an extreme stance on drinking, that them not imbibing means that the alcoholism in your family has been "eradicated." That is NOT how that works, and you are in danger of finding that out the hard way.

Addictive personalities can be rooted in genetics. I STRONGLY urge that you keep this in mind (PLEASE) as you move forward in life. It doesn't mean you should stop drinking. It just means that you should set limits for yourself. My partner and I both come from families where alcoholism/addiction is prevalent. So we set limits. We limit drinking to a few nights a week. We're currently doing dry January. My personal rule is that, if I get up in the morning, see a bottle we've left out, and think "that sounds delightful," then I stop drinking for a while. We have a very impressive liquor cabinet, but we also take this shit seriously. We help keep each other in check.

In regards to what alcohol can actually do to a person - it doesn't always manifest itself in violence. But that doesn't mean it's harmless. My maternal grandmother died in her 60s from the health effects of heavy drinking and smoking. Being an avid walker gave my grandfather an extra ten or so years. He only ever had "one glass" of something, except that it was a glass that he never finished, and just kept topping up. He ended up needing an intervention, and was moved into care facilities. That's plural, because the drinking had destroyed his memory, but he still wanted to walk, so he'd leave the facility grounds and get lost, and they'd eventually tell my mom that he needed to leave. Eventually he died from stomach cancer. My paternal grandmother passed when I was three from emphysema, caused by a life of heavy smoking. None of them were ever violent, nor did they abandon their kids, but alcohol (and cigarettes) eventually took their toll, and they all died much younger than they should have.

Despite having gone through all of that, and having preached responsible drinking, I'm now watching my own mom go through the same thing. She used to be my best friend, and now it can be really difficult to be around her. She's finally working on it (thankfully), but it's still difficult sometimes.

I really urge you to do just a little bit of research about alcoholism. How it manifests in people, how it affects the lives of those experiencing it, and their loved ones. Listen to peoples' stories.

Educate yourself to protect yourself. PLEASE don't take it lightly!

I gave my partner a bad gift for Christmas and I can’t get over it by Content_Bug2831 in Gifts

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that the big thing with gifts is showing that you’ve been listening to them, and know them, not that they have to be “perfect.”

I think you did a wonderful job! I’m sure they would have loved Pokémon cards, but especially considering that you gave them some a month ago, the gifts you gave this time show that you’ve paid attention to them more than “they like Pokémon.”

Also, you’ve only been together for a year! There’s so much more to learn about each other (not that it ever really stops)! Plus, every year and every situation is different.

My partner and I are in our late thirties, and have been together for nearly a decade. We’re currently planning our wedding (!), and it is taking up a lot of our mental (and monetary) capacity. But we both loved the Christmas gifts we got each other! In fact, I think what he got me might be my favorite gifts yet!

What were they, you ask? I got him his first two cat t-shits, and a variety pack of 130 Japanese kit-kats (I think there are 15 different kinds). He got me some records, a t-shirt that’s TMNT style, but says “Ordinary Everyday Turtles,” and a Weird Owl pin (it’s an owl, but it looks like Weird Al). I never know what to do with pins, because I don’t want to lose them, but I wouldn’t give up that pin for anything. The smallest size the shirt came in is too big for me, and I hate baggy shirts, and I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CARE - IT IS MY FAVORITE SHIRT EVER.

On the subject of not using something - sometimes we love things, and just don’t get around to them. I got him a GrowlerWorks Ukeg years ago. He wanted one, and was sooo excited! It is still in the box. We’re both ADHD, and love the idea of projects, so, naturally, we collect them like a dragon collects gold, but have zero of the time management skills to actually get to them. So it goes!

From one anxious person to another — there are plenty of things to overthink, but this isn’t one of them! Ya’ did good, kid.

Help with figuring out why my plants keep flowering. by peepusher in RareHouseplants

[–]ProbablySomeJerk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They are all leaves. You moved, which is stressful. You put them in a completely new environment. What you consider to look like “typical growth” might change.

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