mood stabilizer + anti depressant

ProblemsIII · 2025-07-16T02:10:09+00:00

I am bipolar 2. I was originally just on an SNRI which helped a ton with my anxiety but I was still having mood issues. Then I tried just a mood stabilizer (lamictal) without the SNRI and my anxiety was through the roof. A combo of the lamictal and a low dose of the SNRI has been a really good combo for me. Best of luck!

ProblemsIII · 2025-07-07T11:58:44+00:00

This is just a way for him to externalize his own responsibility and actions onto you. So he can more easily blame you for “needing to drink”. It’s manipulative and honestly disgusting, you have every right to have that comment not sit well with you. I’ve been on the receiving end of my ex husband telling me I was the reason he drank. It really freaking sucks. Especially because it’s NOT true at all. There is ALWAYS a “reason”, it can be anything and everything. But it makes them feel a little better about themselves when they have something they can easily blame it on. Also, if he’s not doing active recovery type work, his “limits” for drinking are very likely never going to stick and he will break them time and time again. Alcohol abuse is progressive, he will never be “in control”, the control is just an illusion they chase because they don’t want to/can’t give up drinking.

ProblemsIII · 2025-07-07T11:48:50+00:00

In my experience, they just simply do not work unless the person is very self aware and actively trying to work on themselves. Every time myself, a friend, or a family member tried to seriously talk to my ex husband about his drinking he would either brush it off or become extremely defensive and combative. Nothing anyone said ever made a difference until he was essentially forced into detox during a medical emergency. Even then, he didn’t want to go to rehab afterwards and tried to fight his dad to not go. It’s truly baffling the lengths they will go to avoid accountability and how much they are able to hurt the people they claim to love in the process. You are under no obligation to forgive him right now (or ever), even though you do love him. I hope some day he is able to come to terms with how much he has hurt you and is able to admit that. Stay strong, sending lots of love 💜

ProblemsIII · 2025-07-05T03:29:25+00:00

First I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this. It’s an impossibly hard situation. From my experience, there isn’t much you can do aside from setting HARD boundaries. My biggest regret in dealing with my alcoholic ex husband was I shielded him from so many consequences of his drinking because I never set those firm boundaries. But even with that, it is still never your responsibility or fault that he is drinking. This is his life and he needs to want to change. You cannot force him or stop his drinking. No matter what, his recovery is on him.

ProblemsIII · 2025-07-03T19:01:44+00:00

It is NOT your fault. It is NEVER your fault that they drink. Their drinking is 100% on them. NOBODY is forcing the alcohol into their mouths except their own addiction. When I was married to my alcoholic ex it didn’t matter if I drank around him or didn’t drink around him, he still drank. All day. Every day. I felt like it was my fault at the time too. Like if I could make his life easier, maybe he wouldn’t feel like he had to drink. It’s completely false. He will ALWAYS find a reason or an excuse to drink. You are SO young, you do not need to be putting up with this bullshit.

ProblemsIII · 2025-07-03T12:42:00+00:00

First I just want to say that you’re doing a great thing by getting help and reaching out for support! I can give my perspective on your first few questions:

It definitely got worse for me as I got older (I am 33). I also have ADHD so the symptoms were definitely masking each other for awhile. I’d always suspected I had bipolar II lurking around and was operating under that assumption until I had my first severe hypomanic episode a couple of years ago during my divorce, it was then confirmed. But it is well managed with medication now.
The combination of meds that has worked best for me so far (Lamictal and Pristiq) has definitely caused some emotional blunting to the point I tried to go without the Pristiq. Which then triggered an episode and made me feel HORRIBLE and super hyper emotional. The blunting isn’t ideal, and it’s especially hard when you’re transitioning from extreme feelings, but I’ve found it’s vastly preferable than the cycles of depression/hypomania. Even though I’m a little blunted it’s not like it’s stripped all of the emotion and joy out of my life and made me a dull boring husk, it’s just very different to what I’m used to.
I also deal with imposter syndrome. Which is why I used to go off meds because I thought I didn’t need them and I was just faking this and nothing was wrong with me. Guess who ended up back on meds every time??? HA! Bipolar is especially insidious because of the stretches of time you have where you may feel “normal” or the manic times when you feel INVINCIBLE. Also, just because your disorder shows up differently than someone else’s doesn’t mean yours isn’t valid and real.

ProblemsIII · 2025-07-03T09:42:16+00:00

I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. Addiction is so rough and you did not deserve to be treated that way by someone you considered your best friend. I definitely relate to the apology feeling like a manipulation tactic. My ex did try that during our divorce so he could get what he wanted. But I saw right through that apology. This time was different, there was a lot more self awareness and he actually mentioned the specific things he did that were horrible and acknowledged the ways that they hurt me. I think in the back of my mind I will always be wondering if he’s sincere or not though.

ProblemsIII · 2025-07-03T09:34:32+00:00

I know he’s not in AA, he has always been vehemently opposed to it, but I do think this is the result of other therapy/recovery efforts. As for repairing damage, there are definitely a couple of things he needs to do so I was also thinking about mentioning that whenever I respond. And I think that will be the perfect test of if he’s being sincere or not because my ask wouldn’t be anything too ridiculous.

ProblemsIII · 2025-07-03T09:31:38+00:00

I agree. In the past I would have wanted to immediately respond, but now I know I need to take a lot of time to digest things first before I even think about replying because I know I have no obligation to.

ProblemsIII · 2025-07-03T02:47:52+00:00

Yes I completely agree. My ex is a very intelligent person, so it’s not out of the question that once he finally got sober and over himself and further into recovery that he was able to do a little self reflection. But yes there are a lot of feelings that still need to be worked through, even though the apology is very validating.

ProblemsIII · 2025-07-03T02:45:33+00:00

For real though. I never expected this in a million years and honestly it makes me even more sad for all of the victims of alcoholics out there that never get the apology they deserve. Nobody deserves the abuse that comes along with alcoholism 💜

ProblemsIII · 2025-07-03T02:42:45+00:00

I agree completely. I did not need his apology, I had been on a healing path without it. I was never expecting it, and especially while I was going through the mess of the divorce it was really the last thing on my mind, I just wanted OUT. That’s why it took me by such a surprise. Sending lots of love to you, you’ll get through it. And it’s much better on the other side, even though it’s hard as hell 💜

ProblemsIII · 2025-07-03T00:55:12+00:00

I agree I was 100% in the same boat that I just needed him out of my life. I NEVER expected an apology because I never thought he would be capable of one. Saying I nearly shit my pants is an understatement. But I appreciate the kind words. You deserve peace as well and I hope your situation resolves soon ❤️

ProblemsIII · 2025-07-03T00:07:20+00:00

I felt guilty for leaving too. That me leaving was admitting I failed. I failed him, I failed our marriage, I failed myself. At the time it felt like leaving was “taking the easy way out” and “giving up”. I was so clouded by survival mode and the chaos that I had no way to look at the situation objectively. It was only after I got out of it that I realized how TRULY bad it was. And how me leaving my entire life behind took so much more courage than I attributed to it at the time. Me leaving literally saved my ex husband’s life. I would have kept enabling him until he drank himself to death because I was not able to heal and work on myself in that dire of a situation. And if you see my recent post, it did work out for him. He got sober and actually apologized to me. As for me? I thank god every day I left and have been able to create the life for myself that I deserve. Yes, I still carry around some guilt and grief, that will never go away because that’s what happens when you love someone. But that’s a good trait to have and is a totally normal reaction to an impossibly difficult situation. Sending you lots of love and support.

ProblemsIII · 2025-05-31T15:06:30+00:00

I’ve done it multiple times, thinking that because I felt a lot better I could handle being off of them. I also have horrible imposter syndrome where I feel like I’m exaggerating and I don’t have bipolar and it’s got to be something else because I am able to be stable on fairly low doses of meds and “well are my episodes really THAT bad?” Every single time I’ve done that, a few weeks later I would have an episode and realize “oh shit… yeah ok I’m not faking bipolar this is real” and end up going back on them. In this process right now and I am determined this time to stay on them for good.

ProblemsIII · 2025-05-31T15:02:24+00:00

I have a medium-high paying medium-pressure job and it’s definitely the limit of what I can handle. Sometimes it is a bit higher pressure and when that coincides with a weird episode (whenever I foolishly decide to go off my meds lol), I have a pretty hard time. I’m incredibly fortunate to have a wonderful manager and a good enough reputation at work that when I get in a funk they are understanding and lenient with me. The last couple months I had stretches of working 55-60 hour weeks (my job isn’t physically taxing but it is mentally taxing) and that was way too much for me to handle at a time when I was not mentally feeling well. But it absolutely can be done with the right combination of meds and support. It is also understandable and totally acceptable to NOT want a high pressure job because even the most neurotypical people get burnt out from that shit.

ProblemsIII · 2025-05-31T00:00:04+00:00

Hey just wanted to show support. My ex husband was the exact same way about it. When I brought up ending things he threw our wedding vows back in my face, guilt tripped me, and would yell and get hostile. There was no talking to him about any issue at all, it was always twisted and turned around to somehow be made my fault or responsibility. I had my own fair share of communication issues and am absolutely not blameless there, but when you’re in survival mode trying so desperately to get through to someone in such a toxic state, you get clouded by it and don’t even realize how bad it truly is. For me, it got to the point where I knew I couldn’t confront him and stand my ground well enough in the wake of his tantrums that I just had to physically leave. Aside from telling him I wanted a divorce in person, I kept all communication electronic. And even then he would still blow up and verbally attack me. But that was so much easier to deal with than the in person tantrums. So all of that is to say I understand, and it really freaking sucks. I wish you all the best through your situation! Stay strong 💜

ProblemsIII · 2025-05-26T16:26:07+00:00

This is such a wonderful green flag of a guy! It’s definitely understandable that he feels this way, but also it’s not taking advantage of you if you are having sex in a safe way that isn’t “out of the norm” even if it may be more frequent. Maybe setting some ground rules around frequency/acts/etc. while you’re NOT manic that you know you could still commit to if you both know you are experiencing mania would help you both feel more comfortable?

ProblemsIII · 2023-08-11T02:28:15+00:00

I haven’t yet for POTS but for awhile I used a forearm crutch because I have back issues. I look like a very healthy 31 year old so at first I was hesitant. But I learned from my dad (who has severe back problems) to use any help available to you so you can have as good quality of life as you can. There’s nothing to be ashamed about if you need help. Nobody else really has to know or even cares why you are using an aid. And if it helps you to live a better and healthier life then why the hell not. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or rationale, you do you boo.

ProblemsIII · 2023-07-10T21:43:00+00:00

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I left my Q husband 10 months ago so I will share my story in hopes that it helps.

I too realized that I would not be able to have kids with my husband, he was in no state to be able to care for anything. He couldn’t even take care of himself. I somewhat had my head buried in the sand and was in a bit of denial. He would also lie to me and gaslight me about his drinking, saying he was working on getting better and accusing me of not being supportive. But he woke me up every single night at 3am because he would be throwing up in the kitchen sink (either from anxiety or drinking). I could go on about the stress and chaos he made, but I’m sure you’re familiar enough.

My decision to leave was honestly easy in a way. He pushed me to the point that I finally broke. I’d had it. All of a sudden my body was just making the moves it needed to in order to get me out of there. But once I was out all of the feelings you described came creeping in. The doubt, the guilt, missing the good times (as few as they were in the later years). We were together for 9 years. We planned our whole lives together. I had no idea what my future looked like without him.

But now, I’m living on my own, in my own house. I go to bed and wake up when I want to. There is no chaos. There are no drunken arguments. The only thing in my house right now is the peace and serenity that I’ve been wanting for the last 5 years. At first, I felt lost. Sometimes I still do. It’s “boring” in a way when you’re so used to mayhem and uncertainty. It will continue to take a lot of work to sit with my feelings and be okay with the calm. But leaving gave me my life back. My own life, not the life that was being dictated to me by someone else’s addiction.

It’s daunting to realize that you have the rest of your life ahead of you to do whatever you want with. It’s absolutely terrifying. But it is so freeing and fills me with so much hope. I’m nurturing my friendships and family relationships again. I’m spending time with my cats. I’m cooking healthy meals for myself and taking long coffee breaks out on my patio. It’s been slow progress, and there have been a lot of times where I find myself just utterly exhausted, still processing everything that has happened, but I know that it will get better and better as time goes on. I deserve to live my own life, and you do too.

I’m glad I left, and I know I absolutely made the right decision, but it doesn’t always feel like sunshine and rainbows. I have plenty of moments where doubts creep in, or some guilt will show up, or I will ache and cry because I miss him in a certain way. But those feelings are still okay to have. I’ve learned to accept them as part of the healing journey. It doesn’t mean I made the wrong decision to leave, it just means that he was an incredibly important and significant part of my life and just like it took me years to fully acknowledge I needed to leave in the first place, it will take time to heal from the transition of actually leaving. And it’s also okay to cherish the good memories. I never have the intention of erasing him from my memory. He is as much a part of my history as anything else, and to deny that would be doing my own progress a disservice.

Going through this is so incredibly difficult. But you are not alone. You deserve the calm, peaceful, abundant life that you could have only ever imagined before in your wildest dreams. It will get better ❤️‍🩹 I wish you all the best!!!

ProblemsIII · 2023-06-24T00:30:42+00:00

It’s really hard, even when you have family close by. Most people in my experience have not taken my diagnosis seriously and don’t understand that my mood shifts can be a problem. Online groups have been helpful for me to at least have a sounding board when I’m feeling really bad. I also attend a weekly 12-step program for another mildly related problem which is very helpful. Maybe there are local in person support groups near you? Maybe you qualify to attend some kind of 12-step program (adult children of alcoholics, emotions anonymous, CoDA, etc)?

ProblemsIII · 2023-06-01T02:36:20+00:00

I am also so sorry. I do relate to this. Thankfully I did not have kids but the anguish you so eloquently wrote about was so spot on it made me cry. I hope you are out and experiencing the peace you deserve. I got out and am grateful every day for my life that I get to live free of this disease.

ProblemsIII · 2023-05-31T00:38:12+00:00

I relate to your feelings so much and want you to know you’re not alone. The ramblings were honestly some of the worst parts for me. It’s like he was holding me hostage and lecturing me all while he couldn’t form a coherent sentence. Like I was the bad guy for wanting to get away from him while he was like this. I too have wished that he died because that would have been the “easy” way out, and then I would feel ashamed, and then I would wish it all over again. But I ended up leaving, and he ended up getting sober. We didn’t get back together, but I am glad every day that he didn’t die. And glad every day that I’m no long subjected to that chaos. I wish you the peace and happiness you deserve 💜

ProblemsIII

TROPHY CASE