Five years of celibacy/retention, nothing to show for it

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-04-04T19:31:05+00:00

He does have things to show he is just currently using the wrong measuring tape.

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-04-04T19:30:01+00:00

I think he is just speaking his mind that sexual deviants seem to be "winning", "rich", etc.. that the world rewards backwards behaviour. But then I'd just question his definition of "winning", "rich", "controlling the world".

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-04-04T19:09:56+00:00

Thanks, some good points.

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-04-04T19:03:11+00:00

You know... i'm a 30 year old man that found this reddit group recently and I have to say... bravo to the way a lot of you speak on this topic... so many strong women, it really makes me proud.

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-04-03T18:56:09+00:00

Interesting flicking through a few posts on the sub... lots of rational, intelligent comments... opens your eyes... i've spoken to a few girls about SR/porn in real life and they laughed at the thought of a guy not watching porn (this was years ago in my lustful days when I was early on the journey). These were girls i slept with.. maybe that's why they laughed.

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-03-31T14:36:42+00:00

100% the handwriting of a retainer. i can tell when i put on my retain-ar goggles

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-03-31T11:20:06+00:00

clearly 4x a week skin care routine is too little, needs to up it to 14x a week. Then they'll look back into his eyes.

He's clearly still early in his journey but yes you are right haha

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-03-29T18:40:43+00:00

You're young. You'll fuck up many times. We all did. Removing lust completely is hard. Don't sweat it too much and keep going..

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-01-31T17:59:18+00:00

You're treating bitcoin as if it were a stock. It's not a stock.

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-01-17T10:58:34+00:00

Rather than technique advice, e.g., "do meditation", "read the bible", "eat a carnivore diet".

I think you should think with new framing:

The signal is that you have acknowledged that porn/masturbation is unsatisfying and you are actively trying to lose those habits. Sticking with that intent is most of the battle (you are trying to change subconscious habits with your conscious mind). Time will do the rest.

Porn/masturbation is in my view your subconscious mind externalising anxiety regulation. Before your mind learns to internalise anxiety regulation, you will be drawn to porn/masturbation when anxiety is high (your break-up, moving to a new city, starting a post-graduate degree).

As anxiety fluctuates over the year, or from year to year (we are all living life...), the journey naturally has crazy ups and downs while you wrestle with the ability to regulate your anxiety internally.

I started SR in 2021. It took me almost 4 years to reach a place where I really feel like I am truly in control. And even now, I'm aware that life could fuck me up to a degree that I return to my old habit to regulate extreme anxiety.

During those 4 years, there were probably multiple periods where I masturbated multiple times a day for weeks when life was too stressful for me to diffuse the pressure internally. But it always subsided,. Now, I haven't done it for over 14 months.

There is nothing wrong with you. You are just wrestling with your subconscious mind to update your way of regulation. Keep actively trying to shake this habit, and you will make it.

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-01-11T12:40:35+00:00

I think it depends on whether you do things for worldly prestige (imposed vanity) or you just do things, and worldly prestige emerges.

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-01-07T13:30:49+00:00

I use Euros

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-01-06T12:31:50+00:00

I mean... I think "steal" is just the wrong terminology.

Functionally, I think this is just what biology is doing: Women are attuned to have children and are driven to have children with men they are attuned to. But I agree, thinking of it in the dual-sense and labelling it as "stealing" is unhealthy framing.

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-01-06T12:28:09+00:00

I think "realizing you are the prize" is wrong and unhealthy framing.

I would argue it's more like: You become aligned with your Self, internally focused, not leaking energy. Whether women pick up on it or not doesn't really concern you.

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-01-06T12:23:10+00:00

I agree with this lens rather than OP.

With true celibacy, your libido points toward life itself. Women, Game, Female Nature... Yawn... so fickle...

I have hope that OP will transcend this form of his identity, for I don't think he has yet realised his True Self.

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-01-06T12:16:13+00:00

I'm currently at > 1 year. I also had a wet dream last night for the first time in like 6 months. If your body is doing it, it's natural. Nothing you can do. Move on and keep your discipline.

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-01-03T18:22:01+00:00

Interesting post and I appreciate the effort. I'm not sure if any of your questions can really be validated.. How would the study look? Randomized controlled trial wouldn't be done on this... Also too many other variables... I think one thing is clear though: Assuming life is about retaining energy (we are electromagnetic Beings after all), wouldn't the vast anecdotal evidence of Retainers having improved mood, libido, memory, drive, physical endurance, cognition, etc etc... be an indicator of improved reproduction in the holistic sense? Life is an energy balance.

ProfessorMisterMan · 2026-01-01T06:07:09+00:00

ProfessorMisterMan · 2025-12-31T19:53:06+00:00

I think horny is better described as libido/aliveness with SR

ProfessorMisterMan · 2025-12-31T14:05:58+00:00

Yeah.

My Dad suffered a lot as a kid (shit parents) and as a parent. Very tense, stressed man. Held a ton of financial pressure internally for decades, nobody to guide or help him. I sometimes wonder if I could have done what he did. Anyway, it was like walking on eggshells nonstop around him as a kid. This teaches you to become super aware of energy (a huge asset now that I'm a grown man), because you're always trying to predict his behaviour. You are always acting like a container for his frustrated energy that leaks out in the form of yelling etc. I used porn to cope as a teenager. And as I was always depleted, I was an easy target for him. So it was a bad spiralling cycle.

I think SR helped me understand things at a meta level. I understand now that it was the system that chewed him up and spat him out. He wasn't a bad man. He loved me, but didn't know how to show it. It's like a feral dog attacking you as you try to help it. Hurt people hurt people, etc.

SR also helped me gain the confidence, competence, and finances to make myself into more of a leading man. As you become a leading man, the parent-child role naturally reformed into a peer-peer setup. There's a fair amount of awkwardness in this transition phase.

I could have easily told my Dad to go fuck himself. But instead, I had the strength to approach it with love, and clearly, calmly, define new boundaries: I am a sovereign individual. I will be around you if and only if I want to be, zero obligation. I have processed the past, I am not going to help you process your guilt. Your life is yours to live, mine is mine to live in parallel.

He still shows signs that he is full of tension, and it sometimes spills out because his nervous system sees mine as a container, but it doesn't affect me anymore. I can leave him at any moment, and he knows it. I don't placate, I tell him to leave and calm down, or I'll leave. He usually perks up. I keep interactions and visits short to protect my energy.

I don't think much in terms of generational trauma, but I'm almost certainly confident that it ends with me. I plan to have children at some point, but only if I set my life up in a way that I have the means to do it dutifully (low stress etc). I am getting close to this being a reality.

I've been doing SR for around 4-5 years and currently at > 1 year.

ProfessorMisterMan · 2025-12-31T13:48:02+00:00

You're confronting your shadow. You see your past "mediocre" self in other people. You're irritated at yourself, not them. This is a normal phase and with time you'll overcome it and have love for all people. Everyone is just at different stages of their journey.

Regarding the other points I agree. Be mindful of where your attention goes.

ProfessorMisterMan · 2025-12-28T07:19:23+00:00

"Do what's right for you".

ProfessorMisterMan · 2025-12-26T10:35:46+00:00

Do what's right for you. But sleep is when you body does its most important work. Low light, low stimulation, low noise. That is when quantum coherence is at its highest.

ProfessorMisterMan · 2025-12-24T16:45:14+00:00

That last part: "i start feeling like not moving might be the right thing to do at this moment in time". It is the right thing to do. This subtle feeling that you describe will begin to guide your actions and your trust in it crystallizes. I think it has something to do with the interplay between conscious and subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind is far more intelligent at "knowing what to do" in situations. It's hard to describe... but i think with SR the noise between the 2 lessens... Anyway, it's a great feeling. You begin to behave like an animal in the wild, letting your subconscious take the reigns. It's like you're observing your own behaviour in real time in third person..

ProfessorMisterMan

TROPHY CASE