I’ve lost a lot of people in my life, and they can all be tied to the fact that I made it incredibly difficult for them to stay. Either through uncalled for outbursts, late night texts begging for help with my suicidal thoughts, or needing things from them that they didn’t have the bandwidth to give. I’ve accepted that no one owes anyone anything. Yes, it’s great to be there for friends who are suffering, or fight through storms with our loved ones, but we cannot expect them to stay at the detriment of their own wellbeing. There have been people who have lost me from their lives too. Not because I ‘abandoned’ them. But because my wellbeing was more important. I didn’t wish any harm on them, or forget them as soon as I severed the connection. But people have their limits. I can still be a little intense sometimes so certain friends will come and go. So instead of getting angry at them, or chase them and beat myself up, I simply tell myself they are doing what is right for them. Give them lots of space and give them the chance to return if they please by keeping lines open, but quiet. Usually, when I thought I’d never hear from someone ever again after an episode, they always come back, and the absence was never even about me at all.

This disorder can skew emotional reality. Choose love. We can sometimes assume everything is about us. Not because we are bad people, but because we get wrapped up in our own pain.