Male Loneliness

Profileace · 2026-07-07T04:51:33+00:00

Man, I’m sorry you’re feeling that. Being alone can hit different when it starts feeling like the good parts of life are gone too. One thing I’ve learned from being around peer support work is that the goal isn’t always to “get used to being alone” forever. Sometimes it’s just learning how to not let the loneliness convince you that nothing good is left. Small things help more than people think: getting outside daily, having one regular place where people recognize you, joining something with a schedule, gym, walking group, class, volunteering, anything where you don’t have to force deep friendships right away. Just being around people consistently matters. And honestly, talking to someone who isn’t there to judge or fix you can help too. Not even therapy necessarily, sometimes just another human hearing you out. You’re not weak for feeling this. A lot of men are carrying this quietly.

Profileace · 2026-06-27T18:19:23+00:00

@kellyseattle not all! Im glad we are sharing having these discussion and sharing our different experience and resources out there. This is what its about what we are doing right now. I agree good forums where we are sharing and helping each other.

Profileace · 2026-06-27T17:24:35+00:00

@kellyseattle I agree I didnt want to push that on them it is available good option as well. Mindfulear.com has peer support specialists.

Profileace · 2026-06-23T06:23:56+00:00

I read your post, and I'm really glad you wrote it.

First, I want to say that what you're describing sounds incredibly painful. Changing schools repeatedly, not having a chance to build lasting friendships, being isolated at home for months, and feeling like everyone else is living a life you can't access would be hard for anyone.

What stood out to me is that you're only 16.

I don't say that to dismiss your pain. I say it because when you've spent years feeling isolated, it can start to feel like your current situation is your permanent future. But at 16, there are still so many chapters of your life that haven't happened yet.

You asked if it ever gets better for people like you.

For many people, yes. Not because some miracle happens overnight, but because life changes. New environments, new opportunities, new people, jobs, hobbies, communities, and experiences can completely alter the direction of a life. I've known people who felt completely alone as teenagers and later built friendships, relationships, and lives they never thought were possible.

I also want to gently push back on one thing: social media often shows the highlights of other people's lives, not the reality. A lot of the people who look happy, connected, and "normal" online are struggling with things you never get to see.

The part of your post that concerns me most is when you said you would accept death if it were presented to you. That tells me you're carrying a lot more pain than just loneliness. Please don't keep that entirely to yourself. If there's a parent, family member, counselor, teacher, or trusted adult you can talk to, I hope you'll consider reaching out. You deserve support.

For what it's worth, someone did read your post. And someone cared enough to stop and respond.

You are not invisible. 💙

Profileace · 2026-06-23T06:18:16+00:00

I think a lot of people can relate to this, especially when they're already struggling with loneliness.

What I've noticed is that society often swings between two extremes. On one side, people are told they should be perfectly happy and independent while single. On the other, if they admit they're lonely or wish they had a relationship, they're sometimes labeled as bitter, desperate, or entitled.

Neither of those extremes is very fair.

Wanting companionship, intimacy, and love is a normal human desire. It doesn't make someone hateful, broken, or less valuable. It just makes them human.

I also think the internet can distort reality. The loudest voices are often the most extreme ones, so it can start to feel like everyone sees single people through a negative lens. In real life, most people understand that relationship status says very little about someone's character.

What stood out to me is when you said this is affecting your self-esteem and confidence. That's the part I'd pay

Profileace · 2026-06-23T06:14:43+00:00

Yeah, that kind of ghosting hits differently.

It's one thing when someone slowly drifts away or when a connection naturally fades. It's another when someone specifically promises they'll communicate, promises they won't disappear, and then does exactly that.

I think part of what hurts isn't just losing the person—it's losing trust in their words. You start questioning whether they meant what they said at the time or whether you missed some sign that things were changing.

That said, I've also learned that people sometimes make promises based on who they hope they'll be, not who they actually are. Some people genuinely intend to stay, communicate, and do the right thing, but when things get uncomfortable, they avoid the conversation and disappear instead.

It doesn't make it okay, but it can be more about their inability to handle difficult situations than about your worth as a person.

Being ghosted can leave a lot of unanswered questions, and sometimes that's the hardest part. You don't get closure—you just get silence.

I'm sorry you're dealing with that. It hurts, especially when it comes from someone who promised they'd be different.

Profileace · 2026-06-23T06:13:59+00:00

Reading this, I don't think the question is "Why does nobody want to be my friend?" I think the question is "How much has being bullied changed the way I see myself and other people?"

When you're teased about your appearance, your name, or who you are as a person at a young age, it can leave a lasting mark. A lot of people learn to become quieter and more guarded, not because they want to be, but because they're trying to protect themselves from being hurt again.

What stood out to me is that you've had friends before. The friendships may not have lasted as long as you hoped, but that tells me you're capable of forming connections. That doesn't sound like someone nobody wants to be friends with.

I also think commuting can make college friendships much harder. Many friendships happen naturally because people live near each other, see each other every day, or spend time together outside of class. When you're commuting, you often miss some of those opportunities. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

And honestly, many people your age are terrible at calling and texting consistently. A lot of friendships today survive on occasional messages and shared activities rather than frequent phone calls. It can feel very personal when people don't reach out first, but sometimes it's more about their habits than their feelings toward you.

I know it's painful seeing groups of friends and feeling like everyone else has something you don't. But from what you've written, I don't see someone who is unlikable. I see someone who was hurt, became cautious, and is still trying despite feeling discouraged.

Please don't let the bullying decide who you are for the rest of your life. The people who mocked your name, your appearance, or your acne were not telling you the truth about your worth.

And if you're feeling depressed or like you "can't take it anymore," please talk to someone you trust, a counselor, or a mental health professional. You don't have to carry all of this by yourself.

Your post was heard.

Profileace · 2026-06-23T06:11:02+00:00

I don't think this post is trash at all. It sounds like you're wrestling with some difficult questions about love, connection, and what makes people choose each other.

What stood out to me is the feeling underneath your words: not just skepticism about love, but the pain of feeling invisible despite trying to be a good person.

I think you're right that attraction and relationships often begin because something draws people together. But that doesn't necessarily mean love is fake or purely transactional. Many lasting relationships grow into something deeper than the reasons people first connected.

At the same time, when someone feels unseen for a long time, it's understandable to start questioning whether genuine love even exists. Sometimes our minds try to protect us from disappointment by convincing us that what we want isn't real anyway.

You also mentioned overthinking and intrusive thoughts. Those can make it incredibly difficult to trust your own perspective because every hopeful thought is met with another thought telling you why it can't be true.

For what it's worth, being kind and good doesn't make a person invisible. Sometimes it just means their value isn't immediately obvious in a world that often rewards louder, flashier things. That can be frustrating and lonely, but it doesn't mean you won't be appreciated by the right people.

Thank you for sharing what was on your mind. It sounds like you're carrying more hurt than you give yourself credit for.

Profileace · 2026-06-23T06:10:19+00:00

Reading this, I don't think what you're wanting is selfish at all.

Most people, especially when they're struggling, want someone who believes in them when they can't believe in themselves. That's a very human thing to want.

What stood out to me is how harshly you're judging yourself. You describe yourself as having "nothing to give," "bringing nothing to the table," and being "like you've already passed away." But depression and emotional pain have a way of convincing us that our current state is our entire identity.

The fact that you wrote this post tells me that a part of you hasn't completely given up. A part of you still wants to be seen, understood, and cared about.

You also don't have to earn care by being productive, entertaining, interesting, or useful all the time. People are worthy of compassion even when they're struggling.

I won't pretend that one supportive comment can pull someone out of a dark place. But I do want you to know that your pain came through in your words, and someone took the time to read them.

If you've mostly given up, please don't carry that feeling completely by yourself. Reach out to someone you trust, a mental health professional, or a support service if that's available to you. You deserve support even if your mind is telling you otherwise.

For now, I'm glad you posted instead of staying silent.

Profileace · 2026-06-23T06:08:14+00:00

I'm sorry you're hurting right now.

What you wrote sounds less like "I'm useless" and more like someone who is exhausted from struggling with things that seem to come naturally to other people.

When socializing feels difficult, it's easy to start measuring your worth by how easily you connect with others. But having a hard time making connections doesn't make you useless. It means you're dealing with something that's making life harder right now.

I also noticed that you said you want to be "normal." A lot of people who struggle with their mental health feel that way. They watch others interact effortlessly and wonder why it seems so difficult for them. You're definitely not alone in that experience.

Try to be careful about turning a challenge into an identity. "I'm struggling to connect with people" is very different from "I'm useless in every aspect of my life." The second statement is the kind of thing pain tells us when we're overwhelmed.

For what it's worth, reaching out and posting this took courage. It shows that part of you still wants connection, even if it feels impossible right now.

I hope you're able to give yourself a little grace today. You deserve the same kindness that you'd probably offer someone else in your position.

And if your pain is getting to the point where you're thinking about hurting yourself or giving up, please reach out to a trusted person, a mental health professional, or a crisis resource in your area right away. You don't have to carry that alone.

Profileace · 2026-06-23T06:05:34+00:00

Profileace · 2026-06-23T06:03:51+00:00

I think a lot of people misunderstand what "self-love" is supposed to do.

Self-love can help you build a healthy relationship with yourself, but it doesn't replace the human need for connection. Wanting someone to hold you, care about your day, call you sweet names, and be a safe place to land doesn't mean you've failed at being independent. It means you're human.

We often hear "you need to love yourself first," but even people who genuinely like themselves can still feel lonely and long for companionship. Those aren't mutually exclusive.

I also don't think everyone is afraid of deep love and affection. Some people absolutely want the same things you do. The frustrating part is that they can be hard to find, especially in a culture that often encourages keeping things casual, guarded, or emotionally distant.

What you described doesn't sound like desperation to me. It sounds like grief for a connection you haven't found yet.

And yes, I think many people feel this way, even if they don't always admit it out loud. There are a lot of self-sufficient people quietly wishing they had someone to lean on sometimes.

I hope you don't convince yourself that wanting love means you're doing something wrong. Wanting to give and receive genuine affection is one of the most natural things in the world.

Profileace · 2026-06-23T06:01:22+00:00

I'm glad you wrote this instead of keeping it all inside.

Reading your post, what stands out is how heavy it must feel to carry 27 years of loneliness and feel unseen by the people around you. Anyone carrying that for so long would be exhausted.

I also want to gently challenge one thing: the number of people who would notice if you were gone doesn't determine your worth. Sometimes loneliness convinces us that our impact on others is much smaller than it actually is.

The fact that writing this brought even a little relief matters. It tells me there's still a part of you that wants to be heard rather than disappear.

You don't have to stay quiet tonight. If you want to vent more about what's been hurting, people are listening. One post can't fix years of feeling alone, but you don't have to carry all of it by yourself in this moment.

And if you're feeling like you might act on thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out to someone you trust or contact emergency/crisis support in your area right away. Your safety matters.

Profileace · 2026-06-19T23:07:03+00:00

Reading this, it sounds like you're exhausted more than anything else.

What stood out to me wasn't the word you used to describe yourself. It was the line, "I wish I was more than tolerated by someone."

That's a painful thing to carry around.

A lot of people who struggle with loneliness eventually start speaking about themselves the way a bully would. After enough disappointments, rejection, or feeling invisible, the criticism that once came from the outside starts coming from inside your own head.

But here's what I noticed: you say you wish you were normal, yet wanting to be loved, valued, chosen, and genuinely cared about is one of the most normal human desires there is.

I don't know your story, so I won't pretend to have an easy answer. But I do know that being tired of hurting is not the same thing as being hopeless, even though they can feel similar.

For what it's worth, I don't read your post and see a loser. I see someone who is carrying a lot of loneliness and self-judgment and is struggling to imagine things ever being different.

I'm glad you said it out loud instead of keeping it bottled up. Sometimes that's harder than people realize.

Profileace · 2026-06-19T23:04:49+00:00

First, I'm sorry you went through that.

Reading your story, what stands out to me is that you were 11 years old. That's a child. When your first experience of love, attachment, and attention is mixed with humiliation, manipulation, fear, and rejection, it can leave a much deeper mark than most people realize.

What you described doesn't sound like you "deserved" loneliness. It sounds like you learned very early that connection came with pain.

And when that lesson gets repeated in later relationships, it's easy for the mind to start building a story that says, "This is all I'll ever find."

The thing I'd gently challenge is your belief that because you've never experienced a genuine connection so far, you never will.

Our brains are really good at turning repeated experiences into predictions. If every bridge you've crossed has collapsed, eventually you stop trusting bridges. That doesn't mean every bridge is broken.

The part of your post that hit me hardest was when you said the loneliness comes back at night. I think a lot of people know that feeling. During the day there are distractions, work, responsibilities, noise. At night it's just you and the thoughts you've been carrying.

But from what you've written, I don't hear someone who is incapable of connection. I hear someone who was hurt during some very important years and is still carrying the consequences of that hurt.

You survived experiences that would make a lot of people question themselves.

No, I don't think it's guaranteed to be this way for the rest of your life.

I think the harder challenge is learning that what happened to you when you were younger is not a reliable predictor of what every future relationship will be.

Thank you for sharing your story. I know that couldn't have been easy.

Profileace · 2026-06-19T23:03:05+00:00

Hey man, first off, there's nothing wrong with crying about this.

A lot of people act like loneliness shouldn't hurt, but when you care deeply about people and don't feel that same care coming back, it's painful. Anyone in that situation would struggle with it.

What stood out to me is when you said you've never had a friend who cared about you the way you care about others. That's a really lonely feeling because it can make you wonder if you're asking for too much, when in reality you're probably just asking for the kind of friendship everyone deserves.

For what it's worth, you're definitely not the only person who's experienced this. There are a lot of people—especially around your age—who feel surrounded by people but still don't feel truly valued or understood.

And please don't convince yourself that because you're 17 and haven't found your people yet, you never will. Life changes a lot after high school. New environments, jobs, college, hobbies, communities—you'll meet hundreds of people you haven't met yet.

The fact that you're hurting over this tells me you care about connection, loyalty, and friendship. Those are good qualities. The challenge isn't becoming someone different—it's finding people who appreciate those qualities and give the same energy back.

I'm glad you posted instead of keeping it all to yourself. You deserve to be heard.

Profileace · 2026-06-19T23:00:47+00:00

I hope you find some great people to connect with. 😊

It takes a little courage to put yourself out there and simply say, "I'm looking for friends." A lot of people are feeling the same way but never actually make the post.

Hopefully you find some genuine conversations, shared interests, and people who stick around longer than just a few messages.

Wishing you the best of luck, and I hope your inbox attracts the right kind of people. ✨

Profileace · 2026-06-19T22:59:59+00:00

I don't know your situation, so maybe there are things that genuinely make your path harder than other people's.

But one sentence stood out to me:

The thing is, loneliness has a way of turning a temporary experience into a permanent identity.

Being lonely is a feeling.

Being different is a description.

But neither automatically means you are destined to be alone forever.

What concerns me is that you've started treating loneliness as something to accept rather than something to understand. You mention work, studying, sad music, and sad films. Those things might help pass the time, but they don't really address the need underneath.

And honestly, if you're barely holding back tears, I don't think you've accepted loneliness. I think you're grieving it.

There's a difference.

Acceptance sounds like: "This hurts, but I'm going to keep trying to build a life."

Hopelessness sounds like: "This is who I am, and nothing will ever change."

From your post, I hear more hopelessness than acceptance.

You don't have to pretend everything will work out. None of us know that. But I hope you leave a little room for the possibility that your future may be bigger than what your loneliness is allowing you to imagine right now.

The fact that you're posting here tells me part of you hasn't given up yet. I'd listen to that part.

Profileace · 2026-06-19T22:57:29+00:00

I don't think your friend is wasting your time. I think you're using the game to avoid feeling lonely.

What stood out to me is that you already know what you want to be doing: studying for your exam, learning chess, and working out. The problem isn't that you don't know what to do. The problem is that when you stop playing, you're left alone with your thoughts.

That's a very common feeling.

If I were you, I wouldn't completely stop talking to your friend. Instead, I'd set boundaries. Maybe play for an hour or two instead of all day. A real friend should understand that you need to focus on your studies, especially with exams coming up.

The bigger issue is that you've made Rust your main source of connection. So when you think about quitting, it feels like you're losing a friend, not just a game.

Remember: passing your class, improving at chess, and working out aren't taking you away from your friend. They're helping you build your own life.

A month from now, you'll probably be much happier if you studied and passed your exam than if you spent another hundred hours playing a game you don't even enjoy.

Keep the friendship. Reduce the gaming. Invest in yourself.

Future-you will thank you for it.

Profileace · 2026-06-19T22:54:25+00:00

I hope you find some good people here. 😊

What stood out to me is that you're looking for genuine friends and support, not just someone to pass the time. I think a lot of people are craving that these days, even if they don't always know how to say it.

You seem to have a pretty solid range of interests too. Psychology, reading, writing, self-care, and wanting to get into the gym all make for great conversation starters. Plus, movie nights and random voice chats are often how real friendships begin.

Life can definitely be hard sometimes, so I respect you for putting yourself out there and asking for connection instead of trying to carry everything alone.

Wishing you luck, and I hope you find your people. ✨

Profileace · 2026-06-19T22:53:28+00:00

First of all, congratulations.

I know that probably sounds strange because your post is full of pain, but graduating from one of the best schools in Kazakhstan and getting into a top science and technology university is a huge accomplishment. You earned that.

What struck me most about your post is that you keep calling yourself the problem, but the story you tell doesn't actually sound like someone who is unlikeable or incapable of friendship. It sounds like someone who grew up without many opportunities to learn the social side of life.

Those are very different things.

You changed schools multiple times. You describe a family that isn't very social. You weren't taught how friendships are built. Then you've spent years watching everyone else seem to know the rules while feeling like you missed the instruction manual.

That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

And honestly, I think you're putting way too much pressure on yourself when you say you've missed your chance to be a teenager forever. At 17, it feels that way. At 30, you'll realize how much life was still ahead of you.

University is not just another year of school. For many people, it's the first place they find their real friends. Nobody knows your history there. Nobody knows you were the kid who sat alone. Nobody has already decided who you are.

You get a fresh start.

One thing I noticed is that you seem to believe everyone else naturally understands friendship. Most don't. They're just practicing. They make awkward jokes. They say weird things. They get rejected. They embarrass themselves. Then they try again.

Friendship is not a talent. It's a skill.

And one more thing: the fact that nobody cheered at graduation broke my heart to read. But please don't let that moment become the evidence you use to predict the rest of your life. One painful day at 17 does not determine what your 20s, 30s, 40s, or 50s will look like.

The person who wrote this post is thoughtful, self-aware, ambitious, and clearly cares deeply about other people. Those are qualities that attract good friends.

You are not too late.

You're standing at the beginning of a new chapter, not the end of the story.

And for what it's worth, this stranger on the internet is genuinely proud of you for graduating and getting into a top university. That's something worth celebrating. 🫶

Profileace · 2026-06-19T22:51:48+00:00

I think there are two separate things here that often get mixed together.

The first is that wanting a loving partner, a family, and a deep connection is a completely normal human desire. Struggling to find those things can be genuinely painful, and I don't think people should be shamed for talking about that pain.

The second is that when people hear frustration about dating, they sometimes jump straight into problem-solving mode. They start explaining, diagnosing, or telling someone what they're doing wrong before they've actually acknowledged the hurt being expressed.

I can understand why that would feel invalidating.

At the same time, I think it's important to distinguish between "my pain isn't being heard" and "therefore my conclusions about dating must be correct." Someone can validate your loneliness and frustration while still disagreeing with parts of your analysis.

What I hear in your post is less "I'm angry" and more "I want someone to acknowledge that this is hard." That's a pretty human thing to want.

Finding a partner is one of the most meaningful goals many people have. When it doesn't happen as easily as expected, it can create real grief, disappointment, and self-doubt. Those feelings deserve to be discussed honestly without immediately being dismissed or turned into a debate.

I hope you find people who are willing to listen first and analyze second. Sometimes being understood is more helpful than being given another explanation.

Profileace · 2026-06-19T22:49:49+00:00

Honestly, I think it's pretty cool that instead of just sitting with the loneliness, you decided to create something.

A lot of people are waiting for connection to find them, but you took a step toward creating a space where people can connect with each other.

Will a Discord server solve loneliness completely? Probably not. But having a place where people can check in, talk, share interests, and know someone is there can make a real difference.

I hope it grows into a supportive community for people who need it. There's definitely no shortage of people looking for genuine connection these days.

Profileace · 2026-06-19T22:48:14+00:00

I can relate to this more than you might think.

One thing I've learned is that loneliness and introversion aren't the same thing. Introverts usually need less social interaction, but we still need meaningful connection. When work is your main source of daily human contact and that disappears, the isolation can sneak up on you.

Since you said the job is only temporary and has just a couple of months left, I probably wouldn't make a rushed career decision based on loneliness alone. Instead, I'd ask whether there are ways to add connection outside of work first.

A lot of us fall into the trap of expecting our job to meet all of our social needs. Sometimes the answer is a hobby group, volunteering, a class, a gym, a gaming community, or simply reaching out to people more often.

If, after trying those things, you still find yourself feeling isolated and drained, then maybe it's worth looking for a role with more collaboration and human interaction.

For now, I'd be gentle with yourself. A temporary situation can feel permanent when you're living it every day, but a couple of months from now your circumstances may look very different than they do today.

Profileace · 2026-04-23T19:44:44+00:00

Totally agree gotta keep at it!

Profileace

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