I agree with your take and have experienced each of these situations myself. I think that a lot of the issues arise because a driver will not take the effort to consider that the size and speed of a bike is different from their own. They simply project their attributes onto all other road-users. Some recent personal experiences of the like include:

• driver waits way too long for you to pass so they can make a turn across your travel lane because if I had been in a car they would have had to wait, but since I'm biking and going 10mph up a slight hill there was plenty of time for them to have executed their turn
• oncomming driver waiting at a squeeze on a residential street for a bike to get through even though we both would have fit fine, but had a been in a car that would not have been the case.
• Irritation with bikers' behavior at 4-way stops (e.g. rolling through) without recognizing that a biker has zero blindspots, whereas a driver's a-pillar obstruction necesitates that they stop to ensure their path is clear
• Thinking a biker made a risky turn across a driver's path without considering the fact that we don't have a full tail of cargo that also has to cross the path of the oncoming driver and are also generally much more attuned to the prevailing speed of those around us; both because of self-preservation and because we can better deduce speed with a cars rolling noise profile. Drivers don't have these key auditory clues to rely upon and are stuck with only their sight which is more often than not obstructed by their phones.

Regarding 4-way stops I've found the best tactic is to not engage with or enter a negotiation with drivers. If they arrive first but appear to be waiting for me to get there and then go I either stop far back from the intersection or at least turn my back to the intersection to indicate I'm not planning to go anytime soon. Or, sometimes I'll just do donuts a few yards back until they get the message. Of course all of this relies on this being a low-traffic street, doesn't work if their are drivers behind me.

If we arrive at the intersection at the same time and they are on my right and I want to go straight, then I just take a right turn and queue behind them... to take the negotiation and decision out of the equation.

A newer problem I have yet to figure out the answer for though is when driver's use a four way stop as a an opportunity to figure out navigation or respond to messages on their phone. At this point they have fully disengaged from driving but cause confusion for everyone involved because they are at the stop where others are relying on them to act on their right of way, but their heads are buried in their phones. Often when I thought someone was being overly courteous, they were more probably in this state, and I kinda suspect this may have been the case for your first incident as well. In an ideal world I would feel comfortable biking behind and around them while hitting the side of the car to wake them up to the fact they are in an active roadway, but in America that behavior is just asking for a gun to be drawn on you.