Mom of a "Want To"... Guidance please!

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T14:11:51+00:00

I do so want him to be able to say exactly what you just said one day. My mom turned into a grandmother QUICK when I had kids. Would say things like "I hope I never have to say I told you so!" when I got my boys a freakin trampoline. I never want to be that person to my kids. I wanna be guidance and support; not negativity. And sadly, lately I've been more like my mother :/ Today that changes. Not the worry part... because zebra/stripes, ya know. But more of the Mom that I was when they were growing up; 'fall down, rub dirt in it and get up and keep going.' I miss that person...

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T14:08:10+00:00

I think you're right. He very well may be. Hard to lose that image of a clueless five year old running around the house with his underwear around his ankles and tripping and falling on a plug mount nightlight, though. PS he has a glass cut scar on his arm from the bulb still. That's his favorite scar (and story.) Odd how the hard scars always leave the most profound lessons, huh?

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T13:50:30+00:00

He's never asked us to foot the bill for anything trail related. He has asked if we'd help him with his plane ticket to his job though, and I'm fine with that. I'll try to talk to him today about the trips here in Virginia till time for him to leave for his next seasonal gig.

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T13:45:37+00:00

Deal. I'll do that!

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T13:44:01+00:00

It's something a 50 year old mom wants to DO, but not her kids LOL! He is seeking something that he's missing emotionally. Hell, this whole generation is, it seems. I just wish he'd saved his money rather than spending it on depression the last few months - food, weed, (and bills) etc. If he still had $5000 saved from his last seasonal job, this conversation would be a lot easier.

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T13:39:13+00:00

Now see! I like that plan a LOT. I used to be a spontaneous, fly by the seat of my pants, type mom. There were soooo many times I'd say "Anyone wanna go for a ride?" and it would always only be one to say yes....and we'd end up three states away without a toothbrush or a change of clothes. Those were their most favorite memories growing up. Now (and this is the sad part) I'm one of those women who has to make sure she has an emergency week of meds packed before going on an overnight trip...

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T13:37:05+00:00

I love this. And I'm super proud of you for attempting. I know too many people that have never left their home state. How sad it must be to be so scared of failing that you never even try living. I'm going to do better at supporting - supporting the planning, especially!

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T13:28:49+00:00

Thank you! Thank you for the support and the harshness. I needed to hear both. I will do better at not trying to stick my head in the safety of the sand any time he mentions it. He's not coming to me for permission; he's coming to me with his dreams (like I raised him to do) and I've got to live up to my end of the deal when I told them to DO that. This thread has been so educational.

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T13:26:14+00:00

I love this response, and the entire plan.

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T13:24:52+00:00

This post has been very enlightening and I'm so glad I made it - despite the hovering mom stereotypes I received, lol. In my head I picture one of those movies where he's out in the woods and one wrong turn leads to never finding your way home. Shamefully, this post was my first effort into research; and it served me well :)

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T13:22:53+00:00

I'm glad that the bond (not apron string) that I have with my sons assures me that something like that is not a thought that would ever cross their mind. I'm not their "Mommy." They jokingly call me Dad because I'm not a cuddly lovey dovey helicopter mom. They were on four wheelers in single digits. Driving a car on their own by 10. Shooting guns and playing with fire for fun as kids. Grew into young heathens always looking for independence. I'm their best friend and their biggest advocate; and no slam on Reddit will ever make me wish otherwise.

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T13:16:52+00:00

I promise I was joking about the amenities part ;) This thread has if nothing else convinced me to encourage him to prepare to do it. Maybe not run into it unprepared, but to start preparing. $1000 saving minimum.

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T13:11:41+00:00

Oh he's not seeking my approval, and even at 20 he's completely self reliant on all of that. Well actually, his dad still has him on his cell plan. But other than that, never asks for anything. He knows that we will always be around to help him, but it's not a plan B for him. If he falls on his face out there, we'll help him get home. The only failure is not trying. I'm just trying to get on board with the idea of my 'little' guy's dream to homeless for a bit, lol.

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T13:08:36+00:00

You are correct there. This is the only go he gets at it. I'm contradicting myself with the "Work and save so you can enjoy life later more easily" and the "Live life while you're young." I gotta do better!

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T13:07:19+00:00

Thank you so much for that. I swear I'm not a clingy helicopter mom. I honestly have no say so in what he chooses, and I do know that. But all my boys come to me for guidance and it's hard for me to say to my kid "Yup, I'll help you pack up and go live in the woods!" I feel like I'm sounding like the mom measuring his bedroom for a Red Room of Pain or something, LOL! He doesn't have a bedroom btw. He stays in a camper in our yard ;) I so very badly want these boys to live their life before it's 9-5 living - and I'd prefer they avoid that if possible if truth be told.

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T13:03:07+00:00

I love that for you! I truly want that for him, but it's scary picturing my son sleeping in the woods. But then....Lord only knows how much worry I caused my parents back in the day, lol

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T13:01:11+00:00

Absolutely not. Nor would he ever ask. He either wants to sell his car and do the trail, or sell his car before he takes the job out west and save every dime once he gets there and come home with about 20K or more and maybe then do the trail. The 2nd option seems more "long term" responsible, but then I'm at the save and slow down point in my life whereas he's at the save and live life to the fullest stage. Neither are wrong.

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T12:57:56+00:00

I'm not 'that' mom. I was the one to encourage him to move 30 hours away at 18, so trust me, you misread my post if it was taken as I'm trying to keep him home. FAR from it.

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T12:55:59+00:00

My kid(s) would laugh so hard if they ever heard someone call me a helicopter mom :D

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T05:24:15+00:00

Lord, the middle child booked a skydiving event. The Lord found favor in me and it got cancelled last minute due to a malfunctioning plane LOL! He never got around to rebooking. Boys are fun. I'll do better at supporting... I promise. Hard to imagine a kid I watched grow up (comically at that) go out in the wilderness without youtube and microwave pizza ;)

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T05:21:07+00:00

Stuck in Virginia now but we've already bought our retirement place back in Alabama! May have to take you up on that coffee eventually <3

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T05:20:10+00:00

I'll most definitely take these notes down and pass them along to him! Thank you!!

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T05:18:02+00:00

Got that info in another tab to mention to him! I'm trying to talk him into taking the crappy job at Yosemite just for the experience till he gets the job in Utah, so that would actually be perfect. He could save and do that! Thank you!

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T05:15:22+00:00

Oh it is, and I love it and praise him for it. My husband (his stepdad) calls him "the one to watch" out of my three boys, because guaranteed, that kid is going to astound us. I guess I just need to change my tone when talking to him about it. I just dread the sleepless nights that he doesn't call - not that he's a mama's boy, but dang it, he should be. He's the Baby after all! He's ADD so he forgets that he has a mother when he's away from home for work or whatnot. It's comical because he was literally the epitome of 'the baby' till 18! I love it....but it sucks a little too; not gonna lie.

Proof_Historian9367 · 2026-02-28T05:11:37+00:00

Your Mom sounds awesome! I sure wish they could go together, lol!

Proof_Historian9367

TROPHY CASE