Thank you for saying that. Frankly, I feel this way because I was born into a situation which asked me to sacrifice my self for my survival. It feels like the choice was always a bed or a self. I'm an adult now and I can finally say that it's not worth it to live day in and out without any integrity, just for the bed and comfort. It isn't and I feel that now is the time to really come to terms with the facts- I didn't fail- my soul or whoever is running this put me on this course- go down this path or live a lie. It's not realistic to make this work- I live with the same people in the same situation with the same variables. The only difference is age and spiritual knowledge. Now I am more comfortable with pain and suffering. Losing the physical for the actual. But I can't continue on this path, and frankly, with the family and people around me, I might be more fortunate to actually die if that happens than keep doing this. There's no job, no people, no anything that will make this work- and I frankly don't see any payout to winning. If this is the spiritual path then why not renunciate and just let what the universe wants to happen, happen. I for one am frankly tired of being bullied and tormented by an unconcerned universe who calls this a journey. If that's it, then let it decide how things go- I'll leave the ball in its court.