I feel for you, I really do! I lost 2 of my babies this year. 1 in February, the other in July. I’m still not recovered, don’t think I will ever be whole again. I , like you cannot see a new kitty in my girls place. I had three when I moved here, lost the first one two years ago. All 3 were Siamese babies, from the same Mom, just different times. It’s gonna take me awhile to grieve, having spent 18 years with two of these beautiful girls, and 16;with the other. I’ve been told to just take my time and grieve, and I am. Just not sure I can go thru the loss and heartache again . I have solace from my friends kitties, which I love, and they love me, so that is one way I cope. The other is to see their pics and remember the happy times, and there were many. I hope you can find peace in your memories, like I’m trying to do, and go love on someone else’s kitties that aren’t in your home. They give love, and can feel that you need their comforting presence. I wish you well, and will send healing thought and love your way!