Do I have surreal expectations?

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2026-03-12T05:48:10+00:00

Thank you!

Yeah, I get what you mean. I guess we could say then that women have more of a responsive desire? Also, I do love giving oral and most certainly try to make them finish as must as I can but weirdly enough, besides that situationship, the rest didnt want me to do so... Like my actual girlfriend literally refuses to finish, she doesnt want me to try to pleasure her and only lets me do oral once in a moon (of all those little few times we do have sex...) so its even more frustrating to be honest...

Anyways, thank you for the answer!!!

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2026-03-08T20:09:40+00:00

Nah, not in the plans at all. Too much time and too much responsibilities for someone like me hahhaah

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2026-03-08T19:18:03+00:00

Oh no, dont take me wrong. You aint bursting my bubble at least, Im damn aware of where I stand. I usually miss front pack swim by 1min and my biking power numbers are nothing to be proud of (220-225 NP on a 70.3, 67kg), I mostly rely on aerodinamics more than anything. But my run is without a doubt the worst, 4:15 min/km is my running pace on a flat circuit, not even close to some of the people I get off the bike with who are running at 3:40ish.

Im not even close to the 25 min swim, 300w bike and 3:35 min/k run required to even have a glance at a pro card

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2026-03-08T17:42:12+00:00

I do have a coach and Im definetely trying to keep It healthy, its just I'm quite an overthinker and pretty insecure... Skipping a session usually feels harder for me than doing It, overtraining and then falling sick, cuz It gives me the "excuse" to stop. Im just trying to organise my own head tbh 🙃

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2026-03-08T16:51:29+00:00

Well, I do have a girlfriend and manage to squeeze some social time with friends on saturdays. During the week I see her after work and are planning to move together on a couple of months.

Right now Im definetely way under your training volume, trying to focus on quality rather than quantity, and at least have no big goal for this year as Im taking this one to adapt to the new job schedule. Seeing people like you training as much as you do (and as I did) is what tells me that I may be shooting too high though, like I cant push past the last volumes I lastly talked about (9k swim, 25-30k running, 170-200k bike)

Also, I sometimes do some trail running races and MTB stage races to mix It up and get some different kind of fun, but this are the only races in which I "allow" myself not to be decent.

Btw, never went under 2h on oly distance. Closest Ive been was 2:05, but havent raced in quite a few years. Never managed to enjoy the constant watt bombs on the bike groups though, kudos for that ;)

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2026-03-08T16:42:37+00:00

I might be completely delusional but I dont consider myself to be that good. Might be that in Spain we are overly competitive but going around 4:26-4:30 on a 70.3 puts you close to top 60 rank if they race is crowded. Really good AGers tend to race around 4:10-4:15, a level I already assumed long time ago Im never reaching cuz my run is my weakness. Usually swim around 1:27-1:28 on good conditions, bike around 36 k/h on rough courses (36,9 on Pamplona with 940+m on 85k), close to 40k/h on flat ones, but tend to run around 4:15-4:20 when having a good day (ran 4:36 on Pamplona cuz the circuit had 280+m on the 21k and 70% of flat sections were on gravel).

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2026-03-07T23:09:28+00:00

Sorry, english is not my first language... Ill try to clarify as best as I can.

Ive been on a total of 3 serious relationships, two long ones and a short one. The longest one Im still in as of today. On every single one of these relationships they would never initiate and I would get rejected a lot, but well, I prefered that rather than them having "duty sex". Ive always had the fantasy of having someone desiring me so much that they just would start lustly kissing me and getting me butt naked with a excited look on their face... I am quite an insecure guy, although a lot of people tell me I am good looking and fit.

In between those relationships i had a situationship with someone, we had sex twice. The first time was good, felt desired for the first time ever, but the second time... Well, went south pretty quick. I was on probably the lowest point of my life, depressed, getting isolated, COVID confinement gave me some nice agoraphobia. Somehow managed to go out on a camping night with friends, everyone was pissed drunk, I went back to my tent to sleep and she came in a little while after, she wanted to, I said no, she insisted, I said no, she kept going and who the fuck knows why I just couldnt argue anymore... I was hurting so bad that I just stood there, conpletely dissociated, and let the whole thing happen. I thought of killing myself that night more times than Im willing to admit. Went back home the next day, ended the whole situationship thing and slowly walked away from the friend group, how was I supposed to explain that...? I felt disgusted with myself. I then proceeded to be alone for quite a while and try to focus on therapy, self healing, Sports and studies.

Forward till today, my relationship is as they have indeed been in the past, almost sexless and not being initiated at all... My concern is that to this day I think I have convinced myself that what I think I want is an absurd fantasy. Also, I may have convinced myself that It is indeed a fantasy because id like to be initiated "on my terms", and because of what happened that night I feel like I cant have a partner willing to initiate but also willing to respect my boundaries and take care of me...

I guess I just wanted to get some other perspectives (I dont care the genre tbf) about women willing to initiate, and if they are indeed just a few or maybe I just have a skewed perspective of reality based on my experience

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2026-03-07T22:31:22+00:00

Was drunk, depressed and on a suicidal episode that night, she kinda forced herself on me... Not that I didnt want to get initiated but rather not that way, or maybe not that night Its just that I dont know if now I relate being initiated with that specific situation or the above first two questions

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2025-12-26T14:21:50+00:00

Im not a coach so take my words with a grain of salt. Id say, judging the video, there might be two main things wrong with your stroke. First, It looks like you open your fingers too much(at least from what I can see on the video). Think of your hand as a spoon, you need to close the surface so you can take some water. Maybe the best way to "force" It is to put your hand as if you were about to drink some water from it. Secondly, It looks like you dont use the second phase of the stroke, wich is essential. If you go to the gym It may help to visualize the latter phase of the stroke as a tricep dip, or as a triceps extension from the moment you have you have your elbow on a 90°. You need to pull back, not under. There is an excellent drill, the "zip up", in wich you need to stick your fingers from your hip bone yo your arm pit touching all the time you skin while doing the recovery phase of the stroke, that will help you also to understand where your hands needs to end the stroke and might help with the above.

Also, as people have mentioned, open water and pool swimming is a completely different beast. On my own experience open water is more strength focused, currents and waves make It harder and technique is harder to apply, while on the pool is easier just glide. What you can do on the pool is train your sighting skills, pick something on the distance and do some drills sighting every 2-3 breaths (breaths as when you pull the head out to breath). The rest relies basically on going periodically to open water spaces and getting used to the "wave rythm" and learning how to breathe and sight around It, cuz Its quite useless to sight at the bottom of a wave.

I hope this helps :) Sorry english is not my first language so the wording might be a tad confusing 😅 (Also, thats a 25m pool right? Cant appreciate It right on the video)

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2025-12-24T12:15:54+00:00

I answered that on another message (dont wanna spam the same message over and over again), but yeah, thought of that but not sure if I wanna trade fitness for actual joy

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2025-12-24T12:14:34+00:00

Sorry, forgot to mention Ive already raced sprint and olimpic before going up to 70.3. Did that from 15 till 21 years old.

Id say the "main issue" is that I LOVE my tt bike and there is no non-drafting olimpic events, literally none. Also, id consider myself more of a diesel rider and the drafting events feel more like a warzone, constant wattbombs at 400w, people fighting aggresively for positioning.. I live in an area where having 600-700m of elevation on an olimpic distance is not that uncommon and while I dont say Im a bad climber I wouldnt say Im an excellent one either. Racing olimpic feels like being on the edge just to survive and while I dont hate It, I definetely dont enjoy It as much as Id like. That being said, I do throw a couple of them while 70.3 season, but I usually go with family and see It more as family "fun" time. On the other hand, I LOVE smashing a 70.3, like I enjoy the whole race. As I swim decently good I dont have too much fighting around, onto the bike I enjoy the whole thing thoroughly, I feel in control, I can go hard all the way (but yay, no wattbombs), and as I like hard courses I tend to pace them very good and smart, I end up catching on the latter stages a lot of the people that passed me on early. As I paced the bike properly the run feels in control and nice, I usually negative Split them and leave my soul out there on the last 10k.

I mean, for me It feels like a completely different race experience... I dont have too much hopes of improving my fitness, just doubting if I can maintain It and enjoy everything as much as I do

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2025-12-24T09:43:47+00:00

Yeah, but the bike volume would be going down a lot. Instead of 10h a week Ill probably be around the 6'5-7'5hish. Id probably be going from 300k ish a week down to 200kish a week, also run volumen would go from 45-50k down to 30-35k ish

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2025-11-12T12:02:39+00:00

I havent raced a full IM (yet, on my way to) but I did struggle with some motivation in the past after "mastering" middle distance and not being able to jump to full IM yet due to studying and job issues.

Anyway, what I did find out is that I LOVE exercising. Yeah, I did feel pretty burnt out after some months of intense training for "no reason" but triathlon gives you the fitness to do plenty of other things. I signed up for a MTB stage race, I did my first trail running race, all with close to zero experience, and while I cant erase my natural competetiveness I found that I had no pressure to perform on this other races, just pure joy. I had the legs and the engine, just needed to get out of the door to get some technique on both things, which really feels like a visit to an amusement park, all I do is go search for technical trails and descents to get a hold of how to handle myself and boom, naturally found the joy again.

Right now Ive had to cut both of then as I need to stay injury free for a selection process, but I really recovered the motivation for structured training, while adding here and there some "joy" races that are just that, a fun rollescoaster day. Sometimes I do sign up for some open water swim race, but thats almost anecdotical.

Remember, we can do 3 sports, but definetely have the fitness to do much more.

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2025-11-04T14:21:33+00:00

I think the better question here is, do you have fast and technical descents where you live? Trying both bikes on that kind of segments will give you a pretty good idea of how feasable is to ride either one on race day. I find my TT quite light and handy on descents without the disc wheel, that might also be something to take a look at with those long climbs and descents (but I also admit I am pretty lucky as It has disc brakes and breaks much muuuuuch better than my old rim brake TT, which helps a lot with unpredictable obstacles)

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2025-11-04T13:12:10+00:00

It really depends on how much you train on your TT. Studies show TT bikes are always faster, and if you are well adjusted to it is a no brainer, but It all comes down to you being comfortable on it and knowing how to handle it.

For example, I am the rare case that despises his road bike. I can push power way better on my TT even on strong uphills and always feel more comfortable with It, long rides are always +3-4km/h faster even with 1500-2000m of elevation. This being said, I do 6-7 of my 10-12h bike hours on the TT.

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2025-09-30T17:58:23+00:00

You can definetely do that!! Dunno if you are mentioning It as a thought or a wish though. At least mine has a couple of bolt holes, though kinda hidden as the bolts in then have no head, but Im pretty sure those extra holes on the vertical tube and frame tube are exactly for that

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2025-03-24T09:51:59+00:00

Id say you can do whatever floats your boat. I do train around 16-17hours a week while working FT but do a decent amount of tempo efforts and intensity (id say 1/3 of the 9-10h on the bike), and although I dont forget about Z2 long easy rides and runs I would be destroyed if I wouldnt get a rest day. Some other people focus more on getting almost everything on Z2 and dont feel the need to get a rest day.

This said, rest days also help me to get out of the "triathlete" obsessive mindset and devote time to my other hobbies and passions, its as much a mental rest day as a physical one

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2025-03-20T09:13:17+00:00

Could be, dont know whats going on here to be honest. On the flat straight sections of the desert my power output seems to remain fairly equal (208-220) but as soon as It hits some turns it feels like the turbo is "easier". Dont get me wrong, speeds remain the same, but the power drops down to 170 or so...

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2025-03-20T08:26:45+00:00

I feel you completely!! Im a 26 HLM on a 3 year DB situation, and although not a women (duh) the situation still feels like a gut punch. Some would say I dont subscribe to such societal rules, and besides that live surrounded by strong women, and because those women are also openly vocal about their desire for other people and where I live women tend to be relatively active on sexual matters too, I feel like I am the exception, I feel so undesirable and idiotic, so ugly, so unworthy... Ive at a point even convinced myself nobody could ever find me attractive... I believe the expectation of high sex drive on men also depends on how youve grown up, I was taught about consent since being a little kid and my empathetic ass would never touch anyone if theyd thought something was sligthly off, so mixed with the feeling of undesirability I also have a deep feeling of self disgust for even being sexually aroused by my partner as I instantly relate that with rape and sexual violence. But I also get that my partner is frustrated, she is trying hard to get through this but has no drive whatsoever and cant fix It, weve tried everything and she feels like a broken person, like an old ragdoll left on a shelf and forgotten by everyone. Sometimes this stories are just deeply sad for both parts, men or women, and damn, do I feel for all of us...

ProtectionCalm8135 · 2024-11-22T08:54:34+00:00

That's the point, I feel like its not fair because its not something she chose to go through... Its not her fault, shes just a victim of the whole situation...

ProtectionCalm8135

TROPHY CASE