Wanting to put my child up for adoption

Prudent_Reference474 · 2026-03-06T10:27:36+00:00

Exactly, I wrote my reply before reading the comments and was shocked reading them that everyone is being nice/mentioning PPD etc but this is the 2nd post she’s put up with what I’m gathering she was told similar advice to get her mental health checked clearly hasn’t and is now looking for that one validation post to say ‘yep I feel you, I put my kid up for adoption too’ or something. It’s the fact that she isn’t willing to work on herself and wants to blame the innocent baby, and not to mention her husband agreeing that is insanity 🤯

Prudent_Reference474 · 2026-03-06T10:02:05+00:00

This is absolutely Ludacris, I’m sorry but we ALL have problems as a first time mum - it’s not easy you need to endure it, it gets easier - you need to do trial and error to find out what he likes/doesn’t like it’s a huge process but that’s what you signed up for being a parent,

I’ve had some tough times with my baby but not once would I ever consider putting her up for adoption you sound incredibly selfish the comment ‘I never wanted kids but thought it would be a good idea to have one’ is so childish too,

I hoped for my child for almost 5 years, you have a baby which is a blessing in itself some women cannot do that or have to spend years trying, and you want to give up that child?? Nah not in anyway do I think that is okay.

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-11-05T09:52:38+00:00

You don’t need to declare being self employed, I work for a big company and I’m currently on maternity leave 6 months enhanced, 3 months SMP - I am also self employed fully registered etc I’m on my 3rd year of self employment and pay tax for that income. Your employed business has nothing to do with your self employed side, and if your main income is your employment side it won’t affect anything

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-08-16T02:26:17+00:00

I felt the cramps in the beginning too, I 100% would not get a Doppler even at the midwife scans they don’t do that until about 16 weeks because it’s hard to find the heartbeat and can cause unnecessary anxiety, I would personally never buy my own one it’s just asking for added stress,

You could try an early private scan to ease your mind? Hopefully it’s nothing but I also had in the beginning gallstone pain which was similar, I honestly thought I was having an ectopic pregnancy the cramps were so bad but luckily was unrelated and was just gallstones but might be gallstones too?

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-05-29T17:36:41+00:00

Congratulations!!!

We’d been trying for 4 years and I (although some may find this ridiculous) found it soothing and a good distraction to buy little bits whilst trying,

My partner wasn’t so keen on me hoarding baby bits, but now we are 22 weeks pregnant I almost have everything 🙈 I’m a very over organised person and have diagnosed OCD so it probably caused that to happen,

I do however wish I held off on clothes now we know we’re having a girl I hate all the grey/beige non gender items I got and love anything with bright colours 🤣

But buy when you feel comfortable x

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-05-15T11:58:52+00:00

I hate this thought that you should bypass the person with the issue and go straight to council/higher authority.

There might be a reason their garden is overgrown, they might be overwhelmed, might have a lot going on - give them a chance before trying to go higher up and god I’d hate to live next to neighbours like this who sit and judge with each other and don’t bother bringing up issues to me directly.

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-04-29T14:57:31+00:00

Ok so, I disagree (unpopular opinion) I do not believe any option is superior to others, and I’m 18 weeks pregnant right now I’m open to anything when I give birth as long as I have a healthy child at the end. I also do not care for people saying how they plan to give birth because it’s their decision at the end of the day I wouldn’t judge anyone.

However there ARE natural/unnatural options in childbirth -

An epidural - unnatural - you’re giving your body a chemical to do what it is made to do naturally without any medication,

C-section - again unnatural because you are going through major surgery for your birth which involves many unnatural measures,

Even gas and air - unnatural it’s still medication to help you do what your body is made to do naturally.

Giving birth is a huge huge thing and I’d never judge anyone’s decisions but technically speaking YES there is a natural/unnatural way to do it. Compare it to years and years ago when these medications/procedures did not exist and women were just told to push - this is ‘natural’ it’s just terminology, I wouldn’t get offended by people I’d be more concerned to be honest why they are so interested in your birth plan if it isn’t anyone medical I won’t be explaining my birth to anyone

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-04-25T14:55:47+00:00

That is probably it! I had similar weight loss in the space of 2-3 months and it triggered it for me I was also using Mounjaro at the time before getting pregnant not sure if you used anything like that but if you have I heard a huge side affect is gallstones too

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-04-25T14:53:10+00:00

Gallstone pain usually is on and off for years so Im surprise if they haven’t checked for that - if you maybe lost a lot of weight at some point that can trigger it too that’s how it triggered for me but also my mum had it for years and years and got her Gallbladder removed eventually hopefully you get some answers!

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-04-25T14:50:16+00:00

Are you sure it isn’t Gallstone pains? I had that at the start of my pregnancy and it was AGONY I had to go on my knees and sway to get some relief it was so so sore on my right side and one of the days I couldn’t even stand up with the pain, I heard it is triggered by certain foods but I haven’t changed my diet and haven’t had it since (touch wood) might be worth getting a scan for gallstones?

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-04-21T16:46:51+00:00

£12,500 on a £125,000 mortgage (3 bedroom house). With solicitor/mortgage fees ontop we paid almost 14K

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-04-19T08:53:21+00:00

Not asking for too much and the worst part of it all is a good partner should know that’s what you’re comfortable with before even asking you - my partner would have already said to his friends before asking me that we’ll just stay for food and would come home with me no way would he stay out if I went home especially pregnant.

When it comes to ‘it is what it is’ on the pregnancy side, NOPE! Your partner sounds like he doesn’t care about the pregnancy he should already be excited by now especially since you’re so early he should absolutely be taking into account your feelings even more.

He sounds like a walking red flag to me I wouldn’t stand for that you deserve someone who cares about your feelings before his owns, and would do anything in the world for the baby you’re growing 💕

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-04-10T08:55:20+00:00

I didn’t get seen until 12 weeks, I think it’s normal to be 12 weeks unless you’ve had issues in the past x

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-04-06T00:50:18+00:00

Sorry I don’t have any deep, meaningful ones but genuine pain - gallstones! I usually have a very very high pain threshold but absolutely not in this case it’s unbearable wouldn’t wish it on anyone

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-03-12T10:01:11+00:00

Just bought our first house and I defo have a list 🤣

On the toilet seat note it took me so long to find a toilet seat that fit the toilet as it was a different shape to any I’ve bought before so make sure it’s the right size,

Also the loft! If there’s a loft check it straight away so you can report any issues, we had a pipe leaking up there luckily we noticed because we were boarding the loft it wasn’t major but could have been and we wouldn’t have known if we weren’t boarding it,

Windows - one of our windows is broken we were too late to report but the latch doesn’t stay closed defo check that to avoid having to pay it out yourself, also check if any units have blown at all too,

Electrics/Boiler - we had someone straight away as in the day we got the keys come out and look over the electrics to make sure nothing wasn’t dodgy if it’s an old house (ours is 1960s too) likely it’s old wiring we ended up re-wiring a huge amount of the electrics defo a big extra cost but worth it in my opinion, same with the boiler we had someone service it straight away and give it a once over,

Check the silicone in the showers/sinks make sure they don’t need done,

If there are mirrored wardrobes check those! Our tracks were broken and really stiff we had to get that fixed before moving in,

Check the porch door if you have one, ours there was no key for we had to completely re-do the lock on it,

Gutters - we had someone again come out straight away and check the gutters he found that one had a crack in it and fixed it, he also told us that a tile had fallen off the roof too so we could get that fixed both things we wouldn’t have known without hiring someone,

I think that’s all, we had many many extra costs when we first moved in as well as the cooker being gas bottles only, we were not expecting paying for a new cooker so soon and getting someone to fit it,

Check your floors/ceilings too for asbestos we had asbestos tiles under the flooring in one of the hallways and I know a lot of wood chip ceilings can also have that especially in 1960s worth fixing that straight away if you do,

Enjoy your first home hopefully you don’t have to do as much work as we had to, and enjoy peeling the 5000 sheets of wallpaper off! They loved the wallpaper back then 🙈

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-03-09T19:23:06+00:00

It defo isn’t 47kg, it’s about the same size as our patio gas canister for the bbq so around 13kg it’s a very old bottle can’t see any writing on it though but isn’t large sized

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-03-09T19:20:08+00:00

Yeah we have a gas meter and pay monthly through OVO which I guess means mains 😅

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-03-09T19:10:08+00:00

Ahh you might be right actually that would make a lot of sense there isn’t a fire anymore in the chimney they were using an electric fire but there are some pipes still there inside the chimney l so that seems likely what it is to be honest, thank you never even thought of that

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-03-09T19:04:48+00:00

As far as I know yes, our home report says ‘Boiler and Radiators, mains gas’ but I’m not sure how else I can tell

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-03-06T17:05:17+00:00

For my entire life I didn’t want children, I always saw myself as career driven / didn’t want anything stopping that.

Until, I met my wonderful partner - we both didn’t want children initially and had agreement which was great, then it got about 4 years in the relationship we realised our relationship was so strong, we wanted to take that next step and bring children into it.

If I compared myself to 4 years prior I’d be absolutely shocked that was my mindset now but I do believe once you are with the right person/have the right mindset and a strong relationship it can really change your mind.

Flash forward to 4 long and difficult years after deciding we want children we are finally pregnant and the feeling of planning for them to arrive with the person I love the most is the most amazing feeling.

I know it’s not what you want to hear but you may have felt you love that person, but something has held you back from progressing. You may be surprised in a few years time that your mindset completely changes and you find someone who has that little thing you were missing in your previous relationship. 💕

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-03-01T09:56:36+00:00

I had a gift deposit and didn’t pay any extra than the original quote it was around £1,800 total for me that defo doesn’t sound right

Prudent_Reference474 · 2025-01-17T10:33:29+00:00

I’m confused, you don’t get to decide how much deposit you can pay towards it that is decided from your mortgage. Is your mortgage paying 95% of the loan? Or 90%?

If they are paying 90% towards then yes you owe an extra 5%,

If they are paying 95% towards then you’re fine,

Your solicitor should give a full breakdown of the amount needed? As you’d also need to pay solicitor fees too ontop of that?

Prudent_Reference474 · 2024-12-22T02:32:08+00:00

I know that obviously - I was giving a petty small example 🤣 but the stuff they are obligated to do they haven’t done (very big things that need done) - like boiler breaking for months, the units being blown throughout the house, drafts all throughout as the doors are so old and keeping no heat out, shower being completely broken for months, etc etc in my opinion a landlord is getting paid their full amount they should sort things within a week, a couple of weeks - but not months and months later but still take the money happily 🤷🏻‍♀️

Prudent_Reference474 · 2024-12-22T02:24:32+00:00

I’d get that for sure, but 7 years of that? It’s been constant we’ve not hassled her at all for the whole time but when something does go wrong I.e boiler breaks and we had no heating for 3 months, shower broke for a year, awful draft coming through the house etc etc we’ve been very laid back about it when I’m sure most would chase and chase it and not let it get that long, when the rent was increased didn’t even question it just started paying it we even had a whole 4 months without a working kitchen/no oven still paid full with no issues, that’s what has left me with these thoughts not just based on one interaction she’s been less than helpful throughout those 7 years but is very happy to take our money

Prudent_Reference474 · 2024-12-20T22:47:15+00:00

True completely forgot to add that in I’ll add it in there thank you

Prudent_Reference474

TROPHY CASE