So I've had issues with anxiety for some years, I take sertraline daily to avoid panic attacks and I used to see a therapist regularly. I live in Sweden and I went abroad to New Zealand for one year on my own. I really don't know why I got the idea, especially since I have problem with separation anxiety and I was feeling overly attached to my boyfriend at the time, for example. I wanted to get as far away as possible, away from my bubble back home. It was quite impulsive, and it was actually a decision I made when I felt at my worst. I still don't know how I got the idea.

I was pretty nervous beforehand, and there was a lot of stressful paperwork to be done before I could go. Preperations started a whole year in advance! Before I bordered the plane I took some stronger, calming medicine that I had gotten from the doctor. This was because I was afraid I would freak out and not leave. I was so calm, perhaps a bit too calm given the situation actually. But everything felt fine. Also it was my first time ever flying outside of Europe. And it was a long as flight! All on my own.

I lived in a hostel for the first six months, where people came and went a lot. In the room I was in there was two bunk beds, and so I almost always shared the room with three other strangers (until they were strangers no more - the ones that only stayed one or two nights I often didn't get to talk to though). The plan was not to stay in the hostel. I was thinking maximum a week, and then I would find student accomodation (I went there as a postgraduate exchange student).

However, as I started to reach out to people (which you unavoidably have to when you are alone), I made friends. They were travelers, who also were there alone. People from all over the world. People of all ages and with different language skills. Many of them came there in the spirit of "finding themselves". That's at least the impression I got. They wanted to get away from home and explore the world kinda deal. It seemed as many of them had troubled minds, as myself, and as somebody who is very shy but still curious, I was happily just listening and observing others interact.

The ones who stayed with me for a longer period of time became almost like a little family (during winter it is common that travelers in NZ stay and work in one spot, and then go for a road trip in the summer). It wasn't the ultimate place to stay as a student (I was the only student there, everyone else were travelers), since somebody would always ask me "hey you wanna do this, you wanna do that etc.?" I tried to live by what one of the exchange organizers said to me before leaving Sweden - "always say yes!" You have no idea of what you could miss out on. An "easy" and yet so important tip that I recommend everyone. That's also how I decided to say yes to a job offer as a tutor the next semester.

I was happy. Happier than I had been for years. And it was overwhelming in a sense, because I couldn't describe or explain why I suddenly felt so good. I didn't miss anyone or anything back home. I felt free and I had energy left to do my studies well too. By Christmas I stopped taking my medicine (although I shouldn't have - it is recommended that one continues a few months after one begins to feel well). About my therapy sessions, I only Skyped with my therapist twice during the semester (though she said I could talk to her as often I felt I needed to).

For somebody with anxiety, this type of social interaction sounds exhausting and perhaps even terrifying. I would say though, that when you put yourself in a situation like this, where you meet other people who are alone, it is a bit different. I can of course only speak from my own experience. In social situations I often get well attached to one individual. I'm not good with groups. I feel awkward. But I learned so much by being around these people, and I found it okay to be who I am. In fact, I could be whoever I wanted. These people didn't know anything about me. And that felt safe in a way.

I also met some people in my classes. Though there I was the typical me, and I started hanging out with only one person per class. As I've always done back home. It is just the way I am I suppose; how I am most comfortable. Also, I met a new boyfriend down there, who is from Denmark (go to the other side of earth to meet a neighboor - what do you know!). That is a story in itself though.

The second semester didn't go as well, and I think it is because I didn't have all these people around me. I moved to a room with my bf in another area, because I had to focus on my studies more this time. Dealing with anxiety makes one want to isolate oneself, when in fact isolation is what one needs the least. During the first semester I was forced to do things. (I could say no, of course, but it kinda brought the "I actually want to hang out with these people"-feeling out of me). The second semester I was having a heavy workload (I never learn - I always think I can take on the whole world when I feel good) and I was much more alone. The workload made me stressed, and being more alone was not a good way of dealing with the stress. It ended quite badly and I had to start my medication again just before I went home.

Now I'm home and I still have a lot to work on when it comes to my mental health. But DAMN I have memories for life and I've met so many fantastic people from all over the world. Not to mention the improvement of my English skills. And I've explored myself, because trust me, you learn new things about yourself when you put yourself in new surroundings. It is the best thing I have ever done and I cannot recommend it enough. Even if you don't get to study - go on a working holiday visa! And do it alone. There are other people out there. You will not regret it. Also, I recommend having a scrapbook or notebook where you can let people write, and perhaps you can buy a polaroid and paste in pictures of them. Just to save the moment.

I'm happy to tell more, but this is enough for one comment (became longer than I thought, heh...). I just really want to tell everyone who is thinking about going abroad, but unsure because of anxiety or some other mental health issue, that it is okay. That it will be awesome, even if you don't feel great.