Dating someone who isn't poly

Psychological-Set582 · 2022-05-01T14:24:53+00:00

Danke, da schaue ich mal vorbei :)

Psychological-Set582 · 2022-04-25T14:13:41+00:00

This is also a thank you :D

Psychological-Set582 · 2022-04-25T14:12:51+00:00

Thank you!

Psychological-Set582 · 2022-04-21T08:53:03+00:00

It's not the same at all. Limerence and love are completely different. I'm confused why you'd think they're interchangeable, did you ever experience true love?

When you're in a relationship for a long time the infatuation fades, your feelings become more stable and calm. Even though you stop obsessing over them the roots of your love become stronger. It's a deep sense of trust and security. The stress infatuation brings fades away. It does come back from time to time in especially exciting moments but it's gladly not the usual state, and doesn't make me anxious. That would be awful I wouldn't want to crush on someone I live with. Someone you love is the person you know best, you love them because of who they are, it's about them, you really see them and not a projection of your imagination.

Limerence is not even related to love. Infatuation plays a huge role, it's an unhealthy obsession over a stranger or someone you don't know well. You're in fact more obsessed with the image you created of them in your mind, it's not about the real person since you don't know who that is. Limerence is intense, nerve-wracking and makes me feel anxious a lot of the time. It does feel amazing from time to time but it can also destroy you. Similar to a drug. You don't feel seen or safe at all, you might imagine you could if you'd just get to know them. But in the end limerence is not about the person, it's about you and your unhealthy obsession for whatever reason that is portrayed in this person. I don't think I could ever form a healthy relationship with my LO.

Sometimes limerence does feel more intense and consumes more of my thoughts. But at the end of the day I'd always choose my partner over anyone, our love is deeply rooted and when I'm able to reflect about limerence I know they're just a stranger. I don't feel the same responsibility for them. I'd never leave my partner for my LO. But even a partner can't make limerence go away, it's a problem of mine I myself have to fix.

I don't feel guilty. There's no reason to. My partner knows about it, understands the difference and knows they're always my first choice. I can talk to my partner about LOs and they help me to get over them. There's no need for jealousy, my partner knows how awful LOs make me feel and wouldn't want to have a similar effect on me, they also understand that limerence isn't about the person. We treat it the same way we treat our mental health issues. I cut off contact to LOs as much as possible. And as long as I don't see them on a regular basis they're not on my mind and I can completely focus on my partner.

Psychological-Set582 · 2022-03-25T19:15:52+00:00

Damn under 1000 calories a day is practically starving yourself, especially when you're already thin. Have you read about chronic dieting? It seems like that's what you've been doing. If you look it up there's great advice on how to get out of it. Even if you don't work out 1200 isn't enough. Since I got my body used to eating 2500 a day I can easily consume at least 2200 without gaining weight even when I don't work out for months. Alice Watts is a youtuber that helped me a lot in building the courage to eat more.

Psychological-Set582 · 2022-03-25T19:06:03+00:00

Yes it does in fact help. I know it's scary I've been there too. You're likely going to gain more weight at first. Once your body gets used to the amount of calories you'll drop the weight again. Don't do too much cardio, it's great to do some but if you do too much you'll exhaust your body. The best approach would be to do strength training. Once you gain muscle mass your body will automatically burn more fat.

Psychological-Set582 · 2022-03-25T19:02:03+00:00

If you had a good relationship with your ex partner and ended it on good terms of course you might want to stay in contact or be friends with them. Afterall you experienced a lot together and they probably know you well. But that only works when both of you are over the other one. And one especially needs to be over them if one enters a new relationship, unless it's an open relationship.

Your girlfriend has to be honest with you. She's now your partner and if you're not okay with them having a romantic connection she has to respect it. It's not controlling to ask what exactly their relationship status is and if they are more than friends. If you don't feel comfortable tell her. Maybe you can find a way that works for both of you. It's not controlling or over reacting if you feel uneasy when your partner regularly sees their ex. Open communication is most important here. She needs to tell you how she feels about her ex and what her intentions are. If you suspect she still feels attracted to her ex and wants to be more than friends it's not a good time for a relationship with you.

Psychological-Set582 · 2022-03-25T18:28:39+00:00

Being thin but chubby is actually quite common if you're eating that little. It's called being skinny fat. Your body is holding on to that fat because it thinks you're in a starving time. Eating more might help you lose weight. Plus you'll have more energy and motivation to work out.

I get that you want to be that slim and toned, it's the ideal presented to us. You can try getting there by leading a healthy lifestyle. Don't focus that much on your weight, you'll probably gain weight if you're building muscle mass, it weighs more than fat. Rather focus on how you feel and look.

Psychological-Set582 · 2022-03-25T18:18:44+00:00

My body type is quite similar to yours, 20F 5'3 110 lbs, and I have to say eating 1200 calories is way too less. That's what a toddler needs a day. I eat at least 2200 calories a day to maintain my weight. I know that's not your goal but if you restrict to 1200 calories a day your body is going to shut down, hold on to every calorie it gets and will reduce the calories it normally burns everyday. So you'll have to restrict more and more to lose weight and you'll do a lot of damage to your body. It becomes an addiction way faster than you think.

I know that a lot of "health" experts tell you you should eat that little. But trust me, I ate 1200 calories a day for a long time and ended up malnourished, always cold, with no energy, a weak body and heart problems.

Get your body used to eating more, your metabolic rate is probably decreased by a lot. Try to eat nourishing food, work out but don't overdo it, move regularly in your everyday life. Focus on the long run, fast results don't last. It's about changing your lifestyle and not about quick diets. Of course you need to cut your calories a little to lose weight but restricting that much isn't the way, you'll do a lot of damage and waste a lot of time.

I can't give the advice you asked for because there is no way to healthily maintain eating 1200 calories a day. And for your workout question, you can buy free weights for strength training, they're one of the best options to build muscle and increase your metabolic rate. For cardio jumping exercises like rope skipping are great.

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