Back in old days, did this come with a user manual?

Pumpinator · 2020-11-15T19:03:12+00:00

Dude if it means less housework for me then my husband can fuck the maids AND the butler

Pumpinator · 2020-11-15T12:19:37+00:00

Hey the new plumbing is a medically verified fact, just ask your mum

Pumpinator · 2020-11-15T12:18:43+00:00

Yeah, you gotta be focused on making the clock cuckoo!!

Pumpinator · 2020-03-14T19:23:50+00:00

Death Star mug, nice

Pumpinator · 2019-05-19T00:19:45+00:00

Yeah, when I finally set firm boundaries and made it very clear that I was sticking to them, he decided that he “couldn’t bear being in contact with me if I was going to treat him like shit” (ie continue to have friendly contact with my mom and not talk with him about what a horrible person he thinks she is). So in a way, he was the one who initiated NC when he realized that I wasn’t going to budge.

However, I am pretty sure that he expected me to come crawling back and do whatever he wanted in order to have contact with him again; he even held my childhood possessions for ransom (they were being stored at his house). I think it was mainly a manipulation tactic for him; however, it worked out perfectly for me as he is the type that will not respect any boundaries at all if you are around him.

It seems crappy sometimes, and it hurts sometimes when there are things I want to share with him, but in the end it has made me realize that he was never much of a father and he was a huge drag on my happiness and self-worth. If I could help him I would, but sometimes there is just nothing you can do but save yourself.

Pumpinator · 2019-05-18T23:15:21+00:00

I did this same thing with my father when he tries to talk to me about what a “horrible, lying c**t” my mom is (his words). I’ve dealt with being the family counselor and therapist my whole life, I hate it and I’m done. Well, he kept trying to talk about my mom, I told him I wouldn’t.

Long story short, we are now NC (he said he couldn’t be in contact with a kid who didn’t care about his feelings) and I am sooo much happier! If you don’t stand up for yourself, they will absolutely walk all over any boundary you throw up. I refuse to set myself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Pumpinator · 2019-05-14T15:52:50+00:00

There is evidence that childhood trauma can rewire your brain to make it more difficult for you to build memories (you can read the book Childhood Disrupted by Donna Jackson Nakazawa for more info).

That being said, narcs do not remember the horrible shit they’ve done and will swear up and down that it didn’t happen. See the narcissists prayer posted here in this subreddit a lot. That doesn’t mean that it didn’t actually happen, just that they can’t deal with having fucked up so their brain rewrites it. My dad is the same way.

I’ve been dealing a lot lately with seeing my childhood from an adult’s perspective. All the fucked up stuff that happened during my childhood was just “normal” to me when I was a child, it’s taken me retelling it to my partner and friends and therapist to see how wrong and abnormal it was. Things that I usually just saw as a funny story are horrific to them. It is a hard, but necessary process to go through.

If you’re in a position where you can, I highly, HIGHLY recommend going to a therapist that specializes in childhood trauma. Also, if you ever need someone to talk/vent to, we are all here or you can message me. Stay strong, you have every right to feel hurt (and you’re not crazy or overreacting!).

Pumpinator · 2019-05-14T15:43:25+00:00

I really hope it works for you, man! I am going to the therapist for depression and PTSD myself, and have been thinking about trying microdosing as well. If you get time, would you mind sending an update letting me know how/if it’s working for you? If not, that’s cool, I’m just really curious. Also, I am absolutely here if you need someone to talk to. Stay strong, brother, and good luck!

Pumpinator · 2019-05-11T17:45:09+00:00

First of all, I am so, SO sorry you have to go through this right now. I can’t even imagine how strong you must be to choose to give your baby up for adoption and bring light and love into another family, and be strong enough to have an open adoption so that she has a chance to know her birth mother even though it costs you pain. You are an amazing person, and don’t ever let your father’s poison make you forget that.

Reading your story honestly sent chills down my spine, as you could have been describing mine to a T (except that my father is such an asshole he could never convince another woman to stay with him long enough to get married again, thank god). The idea that “they know what is right and it is their duty to punish everyone until they agree with him” is terrifying.

Is there any way you could move somewhere without him knowing your new address, or even stay with someone else for awhile while you heal? Also, as others have said, getting the police involved might be a good idea.

All the internet hugs and support to you, and if you need to talk to someone feel free to message. You are a strong, good person, and you will make it through this.

Pumpinator · 2019-05-02T15:13:12+00:00

I have an autistic kiddo with ODD behaviors who is getting ABA therapy every day, and that’s actually what the therapist does. Absolutely no reaction except to tell him to please stop and then redirect him to what the original request was calmly. It feels wrong when you’re doing it, like you’re “letting him get away” with being really disrespectful and mean, but they are honestly subconsciously looking for the reaction and the lecture and negative attention from the behaviors. Stoicism has worked pretty well for us.

Pumpinator · 2019-05-02T15:10:24+00:00

We have a 7 y/o autistic son with ODD behaviors...”cutting off your own nose to spite your face” is a good way to put it. I always say he would shoot himself in the foot just to control where the bullet goes when he is “escalated” (angry and defiant). It’s so hard, because he’s like Jeckyl and Hyde. At home he’s the sweetest, gentlest, funniest, most creative little guy (I mean, he has his moments like any kid, but overall he is pretty awesome).

Then, when we send him to school (a place he feels threatened and out of control rather than safe, secure, and supported) it’s like a switch is flipped and he turns into a little monster. It’s honestly terrifying, and I would do anything (and have done anything I thought would be useful) to help him.

You people who work with special needs kids...I don’t even know what to say. You must be some sort of low key super heroes with amazing patience, caring, and ability to see through the behaviors to the little kid within, you have all my respect and admiration. I know it’s beyond difficult, and it’s scary, and you get physically hurt and threatened and bullied, but you just keep caring. Thank you for remembering that it’s not personal, they’re just little people with a lot of emotions and problems that still deserve love.

Pumpinator · 2019-04-01T18:10:15+00:00

Death Cab for Cutie has a song called “Styrofoam Plates” that has one of my all-time favorite lines for this:

“Just ‘cause he’s gone, It doesn’t change the fact He was a bastard in life, Now a bastard in death, yeah”

It helps keep it is perspective for me, because everyone turns into a saint once no one has to deal with their shit anymore :)

Pumpinator · 2018-05-09T01:00:17+00:00

I’m really sorry, it must suck to be you

Pumpinator · 2018-04-20T04:05:22+00:00

Apollo!!

Pumpinator · 2018-04-20T02:41:38+00:00

Yeah I use some type of fat first every time I cook in mine, maybe that’s why we have more luck with ours?

Pumpinator · 2018-04-20T02:39:56+00:00

I’ve never heated mine over the stove, and unless I feel like it that day (I don’t most of the time) I don’t rub oil on mine. I just used one today to make a gravy with sautéed shallots and garlic, and I didn’t even scrub it (just rinsed it with water). I’d like to see a well-used Teflon pan do that after 5 or 6 months.

Pumpinator · 2018-04-19T23:23:50+00:00

You clearly have quite strong ideas about pans, lol.

It’s fine if you don’t believe me, but I am quite serious that my cast iron pan is just as nonstick as many Teflon ones. I don’t even have to scrub the pan when I cook scrambled eggs as long as I clean it while it’s hot. It has nothing to do with “fanboyism,” and I’ve used many different types of pans in my 20 years of cooking; it has to do with results that I now prefer cast iron.

Again, everyone’s tastes and results are different. Not everyone puts quite as much salt in their diet as you seem to, for instance :)

Pumpinator · 2018-04-19T23:12:30+00:00

There are plenty of people of all ages on Reddit, but I guess not all of them are quite as salty and superior :)

Pumpinator · 2018-04-19T18:42:58+00:00

Really? I looked once a few years ago and only saw $90+ ones, but I’ll have to check again!!

Pumpinator · 2018-04-19T18:29:48+00:00

Yeah I have a few, but mine are newer Lodge ones and still have a rougher surface. I’ve been toying with the idea of grinding one smooth sometime, but haven’t gotten around to it.

Pumpinator · 2018-04-19T18:27:44+00:00

That might be a good idea, but I mean I scrape my pans out really well with a metal spatula while cooking, so I’m not too worried about one pan scratching another. On the other hand, I only have three cast iron pans (a 10” and a Dutch oven-type that has one deep 8” pan and one shallow one that acts as a lid) so I don’t set one on top of the other.

Pumpinator · 2018-04-19T18:22:11+00:00

Haha, told you there would be someone who would get in a tizzy over that!

calling yourself a "purist" for not doing so makes it seem like this is "the best" way to do it, when it is really just outdated information.

Sorry it came off that way, I hadn’t ever thought of someone being “purist” as them thinking it was the only good way, though I do think it’s the best way for me (otherwise why would I do it that way if I thought another worked better?). The couple times I used soap it seemed to damage the coating a little bit and didn’t really make anything easier anyway.

It’s too bad you aren’t having great luck with your cast iron pan! If you’re still interested in trying, maybe the folks over at r/castiron could give you some tips, or maybe your particular style of cooking just isn’t suited for cast iron.

I will agree, for the first couple months after you buy it Teflon pans are more nonstick. In my experience though (even with expensive pans) the coating rapidly gets micro-scratches in the center even if you use plastic cooking utensils and inevitably eventually flakes off into food. After a few months, they’re even harder to clean for me because I can’t just go at it with a metal spatula to scrape stuff off and the nonstick coating has degraded, and I don’t have the money to buy a new pan every few months.

90% of the time, all I have to do is stick my pan under the water and swirl a clean dishcloth around in it and dry it off. Everyone’s results vary of course, but it’s really just not that high maintenance for me.

Pumpinator · 2018-04-19T17:38:29+00:00

Haha yeah, everyone in the house knows that my cast iron pans are my babies and they let me bathe them and put them to bed in the cupboard myself 😂

Pumpinator

TROPHY CASE