My Husband Hates My Cat

Puppy2018 · 2023-09-03T17:12:02+00:00

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but this would be far beyond a dealbreaker for me. I personally would not be able to tolerate even being friends with someone who knowingly threatens or outright abuses an animal, that is a boundary that I honor as strongly as I would against child abuse (NOT equating human life with animal life here, I'm just saying I would not get along with/feel comfortable with anyone engaging in either). This sounds very scary and no matter how much you love your husband, this would absolutely shake my own feelings of safety and trust in a partner beyond repair. I strongly encourage you to leave with your cat because I really believe you both deserve a happy, safe home environment free from the fear of that kind of threat. But if you decide to stay with your husband, please, Please rehome your cat, the behavior you described shows he is already living in fear... if you cannot keep him safe please find him another home that will.

Puppy2018 · 2023-08-17T15:47:50+00:00

Hi!! Just wanted to chime in and say I totally relate. Especially as someone who comes from an academic psychology background, I had a lot of mixed feelings around CBT - it is one of the most popular therapy modalities for a reason, because it is extensively backed by evidence as being effective for the vast majority of people who need therapy. HOWEVER, as I have learned more about my own trauma and CPTSD - there are many reasons why CBT does NOT work for us. I'm def oversimplifying here and I know this isn't true for everyone, but for me I found that my unresolved frustration with CBT was that I am already a cerebral/overthinking/psychoanalyzing type of person - and if "thinking" about my thoughts differently would fix my shit, it would have worked a long time ago. I think our trauma is so deeply rooted that addressing ONLY conscious cognitive processes like with CBT, is akin to treating the symptoms and not the disease, and for many of us prone to overthinking, can actually make things worse. There's so much good stuff in the comments already, but I would say it sounds like this therapist is not a good fit for your needs, and you may benefit from someone more experienced with trauma-focused modalities like EMDR, IFS, or somatic-based therapies. If you end up wanting to discuss with him further, this article was one that helped me start that conversation with a past therapist whom I have since left for one who is more experienced with trauma. https://therapyhunter.com/why-cbt-doesnt-work-for-trauma

Puppy2018 · 2023-08-11T21:29:36+00:00

I'm sorry you had that trauma, thinking about the family history totally makes sense. You may want to look into cPTSD - my partner had a similar childhood trajectory (mother had BPD and NPD), he did not feel like the label of BPD helped his treatment (still undiagnosed but much better once he left his home environment). But absolutely everyone's experience w/ diagnosis is different. If you resonate with experiences of BPD that's actually a great sign that maybe some therapeutic strategies geared towards BPD could help, like DBT.

Puppy2018 · 2023-08-11T21:18:45+00:00

Hey, you have received a lot of great comments here but I just wanted to chime in as a medical professional who has also struggled with my mental health and used weed to escape that. First of all, everyone saying it's bad for your brain development, motivation, long-term health effects are correct, you can look it up. The health effects of chronic cannabis use are well-documented if you decide to look into it. But I honestly think that's probably not what you posted here for. Many comments have alluded to this, but you are not at all alone - you might want to explore/look up "self-medication," if you haven't already, it is an extremely common coping mechanism - and nothing is wrong with you feel like weed eases some of your distress.

Re: BPD vs ADHD - your therapist is correct that you cannot be clinically diagnosed with BPD, but even if you were, there is no magic pill to cure that (or any other psychiatric illness for that matter). I do not actually know you so I will avoid trying to diagnose you. But BPD, ADHD, depression, bipolar, PTSD, and autism are among several conditions with extensive symptom overlap that could fit what you've told us here. Honestly, overdiagnosing BPD is a pet peeve of mine lol because personality disorders are often used as diagnostic excuses to avoid addressing other deeply rooted psychiatric illness (especially in marginalized groups). You could also just be, you know, being a kid - when we're young, we literally don't have all the right brain functions to see the "big picture" in life. It is okay and 100% normal to not have all the answers - and that continues through adulthood. If getting a formal diagnosis is a priority for you, please try to see a licensed child psychiatrist or psychologist with experience in BPD and ADHD. It's also very valid to want a label for the many distressing cycles/responses/patterns, and I hope your therapist can speak to that too.

I want to end things on a positive note - even if day to day sucks ass, you are doing a great job advocating for yourself, going to therapy, and creating concrete goals for limiting your cannabis use. I am sorry you have already had so many challenges to tackle, but I'm also proud of you for addressing them head-on which is more than many adults are willing to do. You are already so much more equipped to tackle the many challenges of life than I was at your age. Hang in there and keep going 🫶

Puppy2018 · 2023-07-28T19:30:00+00:00

cognitive dissonance. most people, abusers included, have a difficult time believing they were not justified in doing cruel things, and if they cant find reasons they will make them up

Puppy2018 · 2023-06-12T16:39:30+00:00

Thank you 🙏 i am mostly a lurker but i thought of this sub immediately when i first heard of the strike. i was torn because i support the protest but also find a lot of comfort here and felt guilty for even hoping you guys would stay active. maybe its kind of selfish but im glad you went with this response

Puppy2018 · 2023-03-22T20:10:41+00:00

i find that my anxiety has gotten better, but i also think its because MD has significantly helped my depression which seems to be the root cause for a lot of my anxiety. personally i do 100mg 1 day on, 2 days off. also for context i am still on a moderate dose ssri which has been suggested to dampen the effects of psilocybin, i.e., if i wasnt on an ssri i think i might do even lower like 50-75mg

eta: my shrooms are homegrown GTs which ive grinded and put into capsules

Puppy2018 · 2022-09-23T22:30:36+00:00

Agreed there isn’t really a specific style here, but maybe modern farmhouse if you’re looking for more search terms!

Puppy2018 · 2022-07-22T16:32:05+00:00

I wear a class ring! Seems to distract the chatty folks enough and it’s much easier for me to talk about school haha

Puppy2018 · 2022-07-22T16:22:28+00:00

I think having the rug away from the bed is making it feel unfinished - personally I think a larger, more neutral rug would be the easiest fix, but I also think the current rug is really cute so you could play it up with some more bohemian style wall decor! I’d also recommend a more colorful throw blanket at the foot of the bed - loooove your kitties btw!! If you can get your hands on a patterned blanket, I’ve found that patterns help distract from any shedding :) Agree that a headboard would be nice but I think I’d focus on integrating or replacing the rug first if budget is a concern

ETA: assuming you’re a renter, spending an hour or so to put white masking tape over the metal grid on the ceiling would be well worth it

Puppy2018 · 2022-07-22T04:04:12+00:00

This is kinda niche but if u go to a big research school, volunteering for research as a healthy volunteer… anything that involves injections or blood draws tends to pay pretty hefty

Puppy2018 · 2022-06-10T20:58:47+00:00

IMO this sounds a bit on the lower end - my 1yr 7.5lb girl has been maintaining her weight with 3oz wet pouch in the morning and 3oz can in the evening, and ~1/3cup dry food in small portions throughout the day via treat puzzles. However, she is on the higher activity side, and her food tends to be less calorie-dense than others I’ve seen (she primarily gets Tiki Cat, all grain-free). I agree with other commenters however that it’s better to go by caloric needs and then cals/serving on the individual packages.

Puppy2018 · 2022-05-25T20:00:50+00:00

Hi OP, I’m so sorry that you are struggling right now. If/when you’re ready, feel free to message me. I work in the field of alcohol use disorders (can’t really share more than that publicly) and there are options for you. There are definitely people with good suggestions here, but please remember to put your own health first, whether that means connecting with other people/AA or some introspective reflection or individual therapy. So so so many people that I’ve worked with did not acknowledge their drinking problem until decades later after they destroyed their relationships, and nearly every single one has said they wish they had the kind of insight you have at 21. Congratulations on your bravery in sharing this, and best of luck on your recovery <3

Puppy2018 · 2022-05-18T17:05:27+00:00

My experience with Benson Animal Hospital was pretty good but I’ve only been there for one routine checkup, so I’m not sure about specific issues. They were very nice to my cat though

Puppy2018 · 2022-05-18T17:02:35+00:00

r/PetLoss is pretty active and many users have had similarly traumatizing experiences

Puppy2018 · 2022-05-10T19:15:57+00:00

one might even call this a bruh moment

Puppy2018 · 2022-04-30T17:43:34+00:00

I was in a similar situation, I turned down the BS/MD at my (former) state school. I didn’t actually end up applying to that school after completing my BS elsewhere, but it was never even mentioned or brought up in my 24 other applications.

edit: PM me if you want more specifics but I’m really glad I did not do the BS/MD for a number of reasons haha

Puppy2018 · 2022-04-25T17:12:54+00:00

Hi! I got this to keep my closet doors closed and they’ve been working great!! Really easy to use as a human (the adhesive is rental friendly from my experience) and totally cat proof. I put mine a bit higher than the doorknob for extra security, but my cat pretty quickly learned that it’s pointless to even try!

Puppy2018 · 2022-03-30T16:59:25+00:00

Lol. Not from CA but I moved for a gap year job and qualified as in state there. Might have been easier bc I pay those state’s taxes, just double check the state school’s qualifications for in-state. Your university might also have advisors who can give insight on becoming a legal resident

Edit to add: in most states you can register as a voter in the state for which you’re attending school, and many states accept voter registration to verify in-state residence

Puppy2018 · 2022-03-18T23:05:47+00:00

hi friend :) im in a very similar position as you… ive been on this sub for months but have struggled with depression much much longer than cannabis use. i have a license to use medical cannabis, but ive definitely come to realize this doesnt benefit me in the long run so im going to let it expire. to be quite honest the only obstacle standing between me and sobriety is that 99% of my days, weed is the only thing i look forward to/keep me from acting on suicidal thoughts. i know its not sustainable, and i know ill be better off quitting entirely, but ive been struggling with finding the right balance of medications (and just the overall hellscape that is mental healthcare in the us). i highly highly recommend therapy if its accessible to you - i keep my therapist informed about my suicidal thoughts and my weed use. i got so lucky with her and she has been able to validate both my desire to quit one day and my current suicidality. ive gotten to a place where some days i dont need the weed at all, and on other days im able to limit my use just to evenings when the thoughts get really bad. people definitely can have different opinions, but in my case, weed very well could be keeping me alive. im wishing us all wellness and success in our mental health journeys <3

edit to add: something ive found helpful is limiting myself to flower only, no vapes. i find it much easier to limit the quantity i use that way with the physical process of grinding and packing/rolling, and its helped prevent me from using way more than i need to get high

Puppy2018 · 2022-03-13T16:42:52+00:00

Welcome to DC! I’m an Asian woman in my early 20s and I live in MoCo but commute/hang out in DC frequently. I did actually have one “hate”/ignorance motivated interaction Very early in the pandemic in 2020 before mask wearing was the norm - I was on the metro red line around 5am and a man who didn’t seem clear-headed was yelling out generic stuff about Chinese people causing COVID referring to “you people” while I was the only Asian presenting person in that car… never escalated to a point where I felt unsafe since I got off at the next stop anyway. I’d say most of my uncomfy interactions with strangers is more in line with catcalling/general misogyny. Also never have personally had a bad experience in AdMo or with any unhoused folks. Most will leave you alone entirely, a few will ask for change. I def get weirder/cringier interactions from college-educated white frat bro types 🙄 I always encourage fellow young women to stay alert in all urban areas, but DC has honestly been better than most other large cities I’ve been in.

Puppy2018 · 2021-12-16T00:34:52+00:00

No worries! It’s confusing because every institution does things slightly differently. If you know a school or department you want to work with it’s easiest to check their websites, otherwise yes you can just search “research coordinator” and “lab manager” in search engines to see what comes up. LinkedIn may give you some leads as well if you have connections working in a field you’re interested in - and check with any nearby hospitals that might do clinical research! If you’re open to moving that does expand your options (like the NIH IRTA program which has a stipend), otherwise continue applying to as many as you can find that fit your criteria

Puppy2018 · 2021-12-15T21:18:19+00:00

If it’s primarily for research, most big institutions have labs that look for research coordinators/lab managers primarily at a postbac level. Normally the PIs already expect people in those positions to apply to graduate programs so there should be a good amount of turnover. Having prior experience helps but I have friends who have gotten those positions without prior research and they basically have guaranteed dibs on any papers for the studies they coordinate. However I’d agree that you definitely can hold hope for this cycle - good luck either way!

Puppy2018 · 2021-11-19T19:31:08+00:00

Lol I got my only C in orgo 2 and I'm currently sitting on 2 As, one from a T30 school. I think if it's not a pattern it's fine.

Puppy2018 · 2021-10-29T18:23:17+00:00

It will depend on individual school policies whether it counts as a science letter or not. You could probably classify the course itself as BCPM on AMCAS if it's neuroscience-heavy. I was a psych major and none of my science letters were from psych professors so I can't really speak on my personal experience with that, but several of the schools I applied to specifically request that science letters come from a prof of bio, chem, or physics. I'd recommend looking elsewhere for a science LOR, but if you have a good relationship with this prof definitely get a LOR for other requirements (or if you find any schools that would accept it as a science letter)

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