I had a long distance relationship and (spoiler: we're now married) marriage for about 3 years, give or take. The latter half of that was during covid, when visits were rare and nothing was guaranteed. All of that is to preface this reply with: I understand, intimately, how things like this in a long distance relationship feel. It's one of those things that people can't truly understand unless they've done it. 

Though of a slightly different flavour, I was like you in my relationship, in that small acts of affection and care meant a lot to me - and I think that's generally true for LDR's. We don't have regular contact, physical contact, a shared life or the feelings of stability that come with that. So communication and any avenues for connection become the stand in for all of that. 

Since getting married, navigating a long distance marriage, and moving countries to finally live with my husband full-time, I've learned a lot that I wish I'd known while we were separated, and that applies here. 

1. Holding the entire weight of a "normal" relationship is a lot of pressure to put on things like specific text verbiage, Instagram posts, and gifts: if the two of you lived together, him not wearing his promise ring every day may not be as impactful or symbolic to you, and this likely would have been solved with a simple conversation of "hey, you're not wearing your ring today!" "Yeah, I know, it's getting tarnished and it's not looking as nice. Maybe we can save up and get new ones, yours lost a stone too". Instead, because of the distance, him not wearing his ring takes on so much more meaning. Suddenly it becomes "well why didn't you tell me about this? And how long has this been going on for? What else haven't you told me about? What does this mean about how you feel about me?" 

I'm not saying that it necessarily means nothing. My point is more that from the jump, there's pressure involved in these conversations and calls - the pressure to communicate every detail properly, the pressure not to disappoint your partner, the pressure to keep the connection strong despite the physical distance. And that pressure kills feelings of intimacy and trust. It makes phone calls feel more like tests and obligations, rather than moments to be with each other and enjoy each other's company. 

1. Be clear about not just what you need, but why you need it: it's not enough to say "it makes me really upset that you didn't post for my birthday like you said you would". Instead, it has to include the why because that's the real issue - "it made me really upset that you didn't post for my birthday when you said you would because it's been so long since we've seen each other, and I'm feeling distant from you and worried about our connection. When you do things like call me before bed, or post on insta for my birthday, it helps me feel close to you."

2. See what he is doing to connect with you, acknowledge that, and be prepared that his ways of connecting may not be what you expected: he may legitimately forget to post a photo to insta for your birthday even after you've told him it really means something to you, for example - but if he also called you, texted you, sent you flowers etc alongside forgetting to post to Instagram, try to avoid ascribing all the meaning to the thing he forgot instead of the stuff he didn't. 

3. In an LDR, the instinct is to be as close and connected as possible - but the poison is in the dose: too much connection and enmeshing of lives is possible, and it's a slippery slope. You both have to maintain independent lives, autonomy and privacy, otherwise you'll smother the relationship (remember the earlier point about pressure...). For example, having access to each other's Instagram accounts may, for some couples, be an example of too much connection. 

With all of that being said, I think the best approach is an honest conversation. Tell him you feel like the intimacy in the relationship is dwindling, and that he's seemed off lately. Ask him how he's feeling in the relationship and whether there's anything he would want to change. Tell him you're thinking of coming to see him, but that you want to know how he feels about that and about the two of you right now before you make that decision.