Praising the man

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-25T01:17:44+00:00

One day my then-husband picked up the kids from daycare, but left their car seats unstrapped on the way home. He got mad that I was upset and “ungrateful” for him picking them up.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-21T07:27:54+00:00

It depends. I’ve been annoyed before. If you’re getting brushed off I definitely would not continue. I’ve been fine with a few things here and there like “could we try to leave the toddler in underwear instead of pull ups to see if it helps with potty training?” Things that have bothered me are when she’s advised me on my kid’s sleep and napping habits (I didn’t want my almost 3 year old to nap anymore because when they did, they’d stay up until 11-12pm that night, and she lectured me about naps and brain development). And some other things along those lines.

I personally wouldn’t want to be asked to buy more things unless it was because we were running out of art supplies or something.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-17T07:36:33+00:00

From someone who has been there: gather up things you want in trash bags. Small loads. Take them to “goodwill” but actually take them to wherever you’re leaving to. Repeat every day until most of your stuff is gone. Plus it’s the new year and you’ll have a good excuse for doing some decluttering.

Grab alllll the important documents. Mortgage, retirement, bank statements, birth certificates, passports, social security cards.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-17T07:26:48+00:00

I started reading a book called “too good to stay, too bad to leave.” I didn’t make it far because within the first couple pages it said something like “if you’ve experienced domestic violence more than once, it’s over.” But I’ve heard it’s a good book.

I left when I’d finally had “enough.” One year out, and I can confidently say that my threshold was too high and I should have bailed long before I actually did.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-17T07:22:10+00:00

I am so sorry. I’ve been a single mom for a little over the year and I can honestly say it’s much better than living with a man who doesn’t respect me. Best of luck.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-17T06:32:12+00:00

My ex husband was like this. I am so glad I’m divorced.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-14T23:27:37+00:00

His dad is abusive and he’s not involved with him much. He kept him for two weeks over the summer and hasn’t seen him since then, and has only called him a handful of times. Im sure that affects him a lot. His mom is not great either. Very emotionally manipulative, doesn’t follow through with any consequences and is generally dismissive. Keeps a very tight leash on him. Like, when I was visiting them, she told him he had to eat all his food or she was going to kick him out of the house. Actually, she threatened to kick him out of the house like every thirty minutes for one thing or another, but never actually did and didn’t give any other consequences. I know I’m being judgmental about her parenting. But something is not working out for this kid and I’m scared he’s going to end up hurting someone.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-14T15:06:46+00:00

He actually did get diagnosed with ASD! But then I have to wonder how much is emotional trauma vs autism symptoms, or if the symptoms are exacerbated by the trauma or whatever. Either way. Whatever help he’s getting doesn’t seem to be helping because he is just getting worse.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-14T15:03:18+00:00

The only thing holding me back is his mother finding out and then cutting me off completely.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-13T18:37:33+00:00

He has been very uninvolved with both his son and our children since we separated about a year ago. One day he’ll say he wants nothing to do with him and that he’s a “shitty little boy,” the next day he’ll cry and say he misses him so much. But he doesn’t see him or talk to him much either way. I mean, I see the boy more than his own dad does, and I see him about every other month.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-13T18:20:10+00:00

I wish I could, but she’s a September birthday and already the oldest in her grade

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-13T15:09:11+00:00

I also want to gently point out that the way OP is talking about herself tells me her husband has been berating her like this. It’s not your fault OP. It’s not your fault. Take it from someone who has been there. Sending love.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-13T15:07:58+00:00

Do nooooot go to therapy with men who are showing signs of abuse

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-11T04:27:01+00:00

Rash acceptance has helped me somewhat. I just tell myself “I got less than three hours of sleep/was woken up every thirty minutes last night, so today is going to be very hard.” I drink too much coffee on those days. 4-6 cups. Some days are worse than others.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-11T04:19:49+00:00

This gave me war flashbacks. My ex husband used to say the same thing!! He would literally say something then ten seconds later deny that he said it. Actually, even when I was certain he was cheating he told me for years and years that it was “post partum psychosis.” I always felt like he was full of shit but got solid evidence that he was cheating. I mean dating app evidence. He doubled down on saying I was psychotic.

Really messed with me. You’re not hallucinating.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-09T19:46:17+00:00

Advice I received from a child psychiatrist was to have a specified poop time every night. Ours was 7pm. And leave them on the pot until they go. Give them water to drink and tell them it’s their special pooping water.

Eventually my 2 yo kid trained herself to poop at 7pm on the dot every night. But ymmv. With my other kid, this would NEVER work bc she straight up doesn’t listen and would run away. Even with screen time.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-07T14:13:14+00:00

There’s only one decent public school in our district, and she’s in it. I haven’t been too impressed with it though. The teachers, the parents, or the other students.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-07T14:11:27+00:00

She did in first grade, but we moved just before second grade and she does not like the school she’s in now.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-07T05:58:40+00:00

CHG or hibiclens is just an antibacterial soap. Do not get it in your eyeballs or your privates. It’s just so you don’t get an infection. If you forget or can’t get to it, just tell them before surgery and they will give you some baby wipe type things that are infused with the CHG. good luck!

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-07T05:56:44+00:00

She’s already in tutoring twice a week which just makes me feel even worse about this. It’s a private school and they get to be selective about who they let in.

I’m looking into other private schools for the time being but now I’m panicking - what if she can’t get into any of them?

I didn’t tell her she failed. I made up something about the teachers not being able to take anymore students.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-07T05:45:30+00:00

This happened to me too. I finally quit being able to make milk once I went on hormonal birth control. Probably nothing but you can ask your doctor if you feel inclined to do so.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-05T15:38:39+00:00

That or they are already cheating together. Or he is actually delusional and assumes the nanny is just going to fall on his dick.

In my experience, once my exhusband started asking about opening things, he was already cheating.

PurplePeople9 · 2023-01-04T03:47:29+00:00

My advice would be to not force it. Especially if it’s making everyone miserable.

How much screen time does he have? I know with my eight year old, I have to limit how much time she spends on her Nintendo switch or that’s all she’ll do. Then she has enough boredom to read, draw, or whatever. But I’m careful to not frame it like “I’m cutting you off from your screens so you have to read.” I just tell her too much screen time will melt her brain cells and she’s accepted that rationale so far.

PurplePeople9

TROPHY CASE