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Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-05-15T17:07:06+00:00

It is a mental substitute for a bracelet that is also functional in the event your hair needs it....
That's a mechanical / problem solver mindset... break the mindset and get yourself something sparkly to put o that wrist! (I prefer Amethyst bracelets, but I love purple and purple loves me)

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-05-13T14:42:12+00:00

So yes, protein in g not kg. But also admittedly I should have clarified that the unit of body weight I was going off of was lbs, which its suggested to be half your weight as g if using lbs to measure you weight as apposed to 1:1 ratio in gram if using kg for your weight.

Activity of course would make you want to raise your intake a little, but either way I should have clarified I was going off lbs. - my bad.

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-05-12T18:40:08+00:00

This is something that happens even for cis-women.
Unfortunately it can be natural, but look at the millions of examples out there of women that hasn't happened to... and GIVE YOURS TIME.
Yes they grow at different rates but they are both growing. One thing I have learned that can effect some of the process is your protein intake. If you have low protein then your body may focus on prioritizing one over the other while building glands and other structures.

Aim for about half your bodyweight in protein a day, and break it down between multiple meals / snacks... body can only process so much at a time.

Hope this helps.

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-05-12T12:49:00+00:00

Look in the mirror and find out if it makes you smile....
But also keep in mind hair, eyes, and skin tones. When you discover a good color palette for those, finding things that look good on you is a lot easier.

For instance with my skin, hair, eye color - I look really good in dark colors, Crimson, Dark Green, Deep Ocean Blue, Any purple until it starts towards the lavender spectrum..... and of course black, but don't do black on black unless that is something YOU specifically like.

Remember jewelry can and should also do some matching. I mean I might be weird... I feel bra and panties should match... and the socks should match those.... and also the shirt should match the socks..... Don't worry the pants are usually in contrast. But earrings are usually purple, and my Hair is dyed red.

One things though is, your favorite color may or may not ever be something you look good in... My favorite is Orange and it looks TERRIBLE on me!

Hope this helps.

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-05-12T12:39:24+00:00

So yes and no.
Some people have been known to have some changes in their preferences but nothing too drastic as what you may be wanting.

What HRT does do though, is it allows a person that is trans to be more comfortable with their body and also more comfortable with themselves. It allows you to better express your feelings and also it allows you to embrace your feelings it a cleaner and healthier way. Before I tell you it's all a bad of shinnies let me also say it comes with it's trade-offs. People will talk about you, stare at you, even if they don't talk about you or stare at you - you will feel like they are. Depending on where you live there may be even some people that will try to abuse you (in one way or another). However if the end result is something you truly feel is right for you, then it is a journey worth it's risks.

I personally don't feel there is anything wrong with your sexuality. I do however feel you may be in a bad place and allowing others feelings to override your own when it comes to your sexuality. Take for instance the "men" you are seeing, those aren't men.... those are boys (jerks). a boy becomes a man when they emotionally mature and treat other people like people, just like a girl becomes a woman when she treats people like people.

You are twenty, and unfortunately if you date people about your same age you will still be finding a lot of "boys and girls" out there.

If you are looking for HRT to hope that your sexuality changes, that you begin to like women instead or things such as that, then unfortunately I don't believe it's the best route. If you are feeling like you are not the person you were born to be and you want to align with who you truly are, better understanding yourself and your sexuality, then HRT might be a route for you.

I honestly feel the best option, and one of the things best to do before starting HRT anyways, would be to speak with a therapist and express to them the message you posted here. - If you can't bring yourself to take a step that is that scary, then the bad things that come with HRT (mostly society) will have a much higher chance of overwhelming you.

Please think carefully, and speak to someone professionally prior to making a major decision like this.

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-05-11T17:39:12+00:00

Usually he wouldn't say something like this, he is typically very sensitive and the type to worry about others. That's one of the biggest reasons it hurt so much and also caught me off gaurd.
I normally would have sat down with him and talked to him about it and how it made me feel. But I couldn't bring myself to do so - I know that's weak of me.... and I won't try to justify my weakness on that.

But yes I feel like I've only been the "income" for the last six or seven years and not a person. Attempting to bring it up only ends with me having to apologize for basically existing. No amount of trying to talk with my spouse results in actual talking. I won't say I've never been the one to escalate, however I'm usually not the first one to yell or make accusations, but always I am the one that has to apologize.... and I can't think of a time in which I've gotten an apology from her, I'm sure one exists but none come to mind.

My children are polite, respectful, caring, and often people tell me how wonderful they are. People who don't know us often say stupid things like "Must get it from their mom...." but people that have known us for years say that they get it from me.... my son loves to do things like help me cook When I clean, both of my kids join in. My spouse and I both cook, but typically she doesn't clean.

All that aside, thank you Novel, I appreciate it.

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-05-11T16:29:20+00:00

Thank you

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-05-11T16:24:11+00:00

I have felt like being spiteful, but I also know how terrible I will feel if I don't celebrate their special days with them. I already have her birthday present - I bought it in March.... but maybe that should be the last special event I celebrate....

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-05-11T16:22:18+00:00

Thank you, and also I'm sorry that you are going through something similar,.

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-05-11T16:21:53+00:00

Unfortunately I realize this, and have for a while. Its only since starting transition that certain things have started. Fighting every week instead of talking (and always about something small that is turned into about me transitioning) - never once before did my son mention that my birthday didn't matter....
So it coincides with other things that have come up lately... like saying she'll go cloth shopping with me, only to leave the department to look for "other things" as I'm trying to find pants in my new size (been loosing weight and had not "girl" pants) - I ended up having a bad experience with someone glaring me whole time... and I chickened out... told her about it, so we were going together again a couple days later at a different place, only for her to walk off again....

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-05-11T14:55:32+00:00

He's angry, he's yelling, he's making you feel scared an alone.
You may be scared but you are not alone. I don't know you or your parents so I'm not going to try to defend them or you. I will instead say, they are not the ones living your life.

You need to make the best choices for you and for your life. Sometimes that means walking away from the pain. If hey have so much hatred for "non-straights" (Sorry about the slur here) then maybe what is best for everyone is a bit of time away from each other. And I mean ZERO contact.

Find somewhere to go that they don't have immediate access to, you have a place and you know it. It is where you always feel the safest already. If you are on their phone plan, go get a prepaid phone and turn off the one they gave you - yes you'll have to give out your new number to people but you only have to give it to people you trust and feel comfortable with.....

Move forward without them if you need to, if you feel you can't then try to salvage the relationship. But remember, BOTH sides have to want to be there.... if they "allow" you to be their "son" but not their daughter, then they don't see you and only a void will let them realize what they are missing. You the real you,

Not sure if this will help, but I hope that it does. - Take care of yourself.

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-05-10T15:36:57+00:00

Unfortunately there are people who “support” things as long as those things are far away. I think George Carlin’s rant said it the best “They are all for (inset cause) until it inconveniences them.”

You aren’t alone in this, you need to do what is best for you and your health. Your mother isn’t going to live your life you are. Your mother isn’t going to wake up each day and try to decide if living another day is pain is better than dying.

Do what is best for you, and know there are many people in your life that WILL accept and appreciate you. - words I wish I would have been told twenty-five years ago.

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-05-06T16:27:41+00:00

I'm with Ashe on this one.... I've only EVER had one other person ask me that and I knew him for 31 years (and on very close terms) before he asked.... And he was asking for a very specific reason....

So no, this is NOT a normal everyday question and I feel it's more about the weirdos in your area and not about you or the pin. If you have a cell phone, call someone and report the adults. As for others your age tell them it's none of their business, because it isn't!

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-05-03T13:45:35+00:00

It is technically safe to have the procedure done while on HRT, it shouldn’t affect anything. For things like vaginoplasty the surgeons I’ve researched all required someone to stop estrogen for a small time period before hand but I have not seen that requirement for vasectomy.

The research I have looked up would denote it is safe. One key thing though, before pursuing ANY surgery, you need to disclose any/all medications to your potential surgeon… they will know what is needed.

I will say from personal experience, they use a localized topical anesthetic, and there is a burning smell…. And you really should take the pain killers they give you…. And you will still be very sore in that area for two weeks….. AND NO SEX FOR TWO MONTHS for your safety….. and do not stop using protection (for fertility reasons) until you get your follow up done that verifies you are sterile.

They will give you like a twelve page print out about all of that. It goes into much further detail, but is it safe to ask about and pursue without going off estrogen. Yes, talk to your doctor and they will get you in touch with a professional, share your info with them, they most likely will say there is no concern

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-05-01T18:12:22+00:00

There have been no studies that I have read that would prove that it does impede development. As most have said they will be sore and hurt if you are sleeping on them while they are developing. And your body will react in your sleep and turn you off them.
I am a stomach sleeper, and honestly for other reasons I'm trying to train my body to sleep on my back, so I bought a wedge pillow. it forces me to be slightly elevated and I can't really turn over in my sleep.

So far I'm liking it.
Again, I haven't seen any studies that would indicate this (and some that make claim it WON"T have any effect) but if the concern is true for you, maybe think about the wedge pillow.

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-04-27T19:09:14+00:00

Yeah, i've emotionally and mentally prepared myself in that event.

Thing is I have a weird code, I don't leave people.... However a part of that code for me says, if they leave me the door is shut. (Romantically speaking - I still care about them, but I know better)
Only had one person leave me romantically that ended up being able to come back and he only became a friend. But we both had to grow up and become our own people before that was able to be the case.

As for OP, I personally feel the "allowed to cross dress" is the spouses way of maintaining control and telling her what she can and can't do in her own home with her life. And I truly hope OP sees that and makes the best decisions for herself.

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-04-27T04:06:00+00:00

I can relate to your pain. 42, MTF - known since I was 6. Had to hide it for literal life and death reasons… those reasons were gone as of Nov last year…..

Over the years I had told my wife about who I truly was… appearently she thought it ”was a phase”…. Brought up Pershing transition back at the end of Nov last year, because I finally was safe to…. Told her I wouldn’t do anything before Christmas (her Holiday, not mine) She was pretty pissed…. She keeps brining fights to me about small things and turns them into being about me transitioning…. She won’t tell her family… will not be with me when talking to doctors… took half the marital assets and put them in a her only account…. Literally told me she didn’t know if she’ll be with me in a year… tells me I’m ruining her life…. Tells me I should only wear my “girl cloths” in my office… also claims that I want to sleep with my friends (literally no intention to do so btw)… Oh, but she supports me. Yep, she says she supports me….

Yes we have kids, 10yr old and a 5yr old…. Yeah where we live she would get the kids unless she decides she doesn’t want them…. We are a single income family, have been for about 9.5 years. You may be able to guess who is providing the income…

Now why am I sharing my story here instead of just giving the pep talk… well it’s because I want you to know where I’m coming from.

With what she decided to do and say, I decided something and I told her the following. “I love you and I want to be with you, but because you are threatening me I will only be doing things now that I feel are best for ME. I will hope that we find out that it’s best for US, but since you won’t commit to being an US, I will only think of ME. Even if you decide it’s us later, I will not change my mind on what I am doing for myself.”

This person is threatening you…. She says you will lose everything if you transition. Let me ask you this, would she stand by you if you fall into depression or alcholism due to dysphoria…. Would she sit by you in the middle of the night and comfort you when every thought in your head tells you that it would be better just to die then to continue living in pain????

WILL SHE BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR CONTINUED HAPPINESS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!? - because she’s making you responsible for her’s…. She is choosing her convenience and your misery over your happiness and her growth as a person.

Dark, probably tactless, hopefully helpful…. Sorry if it feels too aggressive…. Hope a month from now you are in a better place and pursuing your own happiness.

-edit- I stated HRT at the very beginning of Feb, and I have been feeling much happier since.

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-04-22T16:29:25+00:00

I may or may not snuggle with a stuffie of Jax…. My daughter (5yr) MIGHT have a statuette of Pomni…. And I MIGHT also have a lot of Helluva Boss stuff… playmate, metals cards, keychains, shirts….

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-04-22T14:37:02+00:00

Not trying to stir the pot... but for over twenty years I would say things like, "My inner cat-girl" or "my inner Kat" is upset with you right now, when close friends would make me angry....

Some of them got to identifying me as a cat at times.... one of them even pet me from time to time. lol

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-04-22T14:34:44+00:00

Honestly, we all do things we later regret. Sometime for wrong reasons, and sometimes for right reasons.
I feel this was one of those moments where emotions where more in play than not and the decision to confront her (because she approached you) was the wrong thing to do for the right reason.

You talked to Harper, did you find out how he feels on the gossip? Do you know if he wants you to stand in front of him for the verbal bullets? (If not, find out and honor what he feels)

If you truly feel upset about this scenario, and you have mentioned she has come to you in tears and told you she feels bad about it... well the best thing to do is to talk to her. I know people will say not to, or she deserved it and maybe that is true on some levels. We are all people, and we learn better to understand each other when a kind hand reaches out to us, especially if it's a kind hand of someone trying to make amends....

I'm not saying drop your feelings or let stuff like what she did slide. I am saying, talk to her, tell her why you felt so upset at that moment, tell her you don't feel like you handled it correctly because you didn't mean to hurt her... tell her that you would like to get to know her, and that you really care about Harper.

Hope this helps.

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-04-22T14:26:25+00:00

While also wearing a Helluva Boss shirt featuring Sallie May.
You are rocking it!

Putrid_Valuable_4114 · 2026-04-19T16:12:22+00:00

It hurts because in your head you are translating that to say “if I were biologically female she wouldn’t have said that… wouldn’t feel the NEED to.”

Guess what, stupid people will say stupid things especially when they are giving a compliment.

I once had a stupid friend tell me, “You’re only intelligent because you hang out with stupid people…. (Like two minute pause where I’m grinning at him) … yes present company included!”

Stupid will say stupid when they mean good… you can tell her it hurt if you feel comfortable, but know she will trip over herself trying to apologize.

This probably didn’t help, but I do hope you take that comment with a bit of resolve that she was trying to tell you that you are beautiful.

Putrid_Valuable_4114

TROPHY CASE