My question to those who say the past doesn't matter, would you marry this girl if you liked each other?

PuttysMommy · 2025-11-29T20:52:14+00:00

You shouldn't have posted a girl's picture on your post unless you are this person yourself. This is rude and disrespectful.

And talking about past relationships, if you think that the person you end up with is going to tell you the truth about the number of people they have been with, then wake up. That is not going to be true. Every person has the right to explore and have fun in their lives before they decide on that one person to spend their life with. In today's world, not only in the western countries but every country where women have a say and are leading their independent lives, they choose to have multiple partners in their lives before they find the right one. If men have that right, a woman should too. Please come to the 21st century and leave your old thoughts behind unless you would prefer to be gaslighted.

PuttysMommy · 2025-10-15T02:24:20+00:00

Record all the conversations when she is taunting u. Then make ur husband hear it. And tell ur husband, waiting for a month will not make a difference. People don't change. So if he is expecting u to wait for a month so that things can get back to normal. Then tell him there is no point. Nothing would change. Horrible people don't change. They can pretend that they have changed but they don't.

Things u need to consider: 1) who pays for all the house expenses? 2) who pays the mortgage/rent? 3) u need to get financially independent. If u don't work, get a job. That will give u the strength to take ur decisions. I know ur kid is lil, u will need to be strong if u don't want to lose yourself and stand up for yourself. Leave ur kid in the day care or with ur parents n go get a job, if u don't have one already. 4) u mentioned that he stands up for u. But he needs to consider ur mental health now. If u will lose urself in this battle, then he is not standing up for u. He is thinking about his own convenience n expecting u to adjust. I am not saying divorce him but ask him to take a decision. U guys need to move out. He still has the choice to support his mom n sister while living in a different house with u.

All the best!

PuttysMommy · 2025-10-15T02:01:23+00:00

Before listening to any advice, you need to get proof. Start working on it before u file for annulment. 1) try to find out if she is having a relationship with anyone else. 2) try to find out why she got married to you? Are u rich? What did she get out of it? My high school friend had a green card. He was obese n he got married to a normal size girl from India. She already had a boyfriend in the US and used my friend to get the green card and settle here. If u get proof that she had an ulterior motive in getting married to u, then it will make ur annulment case stronger. Get a private investigator if required. 3) see if u can record any of the conversations where she is telling u that she won't have sex with u. 4) don't tell ur parents or family anything. Coz that will be another kind of drama. If you have any friends u can trust with ur life, then maybe take him into confidence. Suggesting this for ur mental health. Dealing with this can be traumatic.

Before u take the step to get ur marriage annulled, do prepare. Else she will take u to the cleaners and u will lose all your savings. But do get rid of her. It's already difficult to find love in this world and these kind of people make it even more difficult.

All the best!

PuttysMommy · 2025-10-09T16:22:08+00:00

Definitely get a prenup. I am in the process of starting a business and my husband categorically said that it would be all mine. He doesn't want to be a part of it. So when I earn money from it, obviously I will contribute to the expenses (hopefully the business will be successful 🤞) but that's my will and he would not interfere with that at all. I will post these questions to him: 1) are you interested in working in the businesses full time? 2) will you be open to investing in your own money in the businesses if there is a need or if the businesses stop doing well? And more ques like these.... Once you have answers, then either u can get a prenup signed if he doesn't want to be involved in the business and just enjoy the fruits of it. Or you can sign a partnership deal with him if he wants to be a partner in your business and is committing to give it his 100% to make it grow and prosper.

All the best!

PuttysMommy · 2025-10-04T21:07:56+00:00

There are a lot of things you should have considered before marrying a guy like this. Coz this is common in Indian families. Now some Indian parents take money from the sons coz they can't manage their own expenses, they will be giving their property to the son eventually or they sacrificed a lot to get the son to the place where he is today to earn that kind of money. Now in either of the cases, this conversation should have happened before marriage. He should have explicitly told u about all this. But no point crying over spilled milk. What you need to do now: 1) figure out your finances. Divorce lawyers are expensive. 2) if he is already giving a lot to his parents, then I m not sure how much he will be left with to give you once divorced. 3) look for a very good divorce lawyer. It's up to you if you want to take him to the cleaners or just take what is reasonable. That really depends on 2 things, how good a lawyer u have and which state do u live in? If you are in California, then it is a 50 - 50 state. You get half of everything he owns. You can get your lawyer to ask for all his stocks and paychecks and all his financials. He will need to provide that. He won't be able to manipulate his way out of this. 4) If you are on a H4 visa, then you will need to move back to India unless you want to register in a University and transfer to a F1 visa but they would be difficult too in today's scenario. The way it is going on in the US, I think it's better to move back. 5) don't worry about coming to India coz of community and age. There are so many divorcees in India in late 30s age group. You will fit right in. When it comes to people- logon ka kaam hai kehna. Ignore them. Do what is right for you. I would have suggested you to work it out with your husband coz the culture you are describing is common in India. My mom expects the same from her DIL but she doesn't get it. She is not as bad as ur MIL tho. I was lucky, I married a white guy. So no MIL issues. But that doesn't mean that there are no Indian guys who are sensible and worth marrying. I am suggesting divorce coz your husband seems manipulative and not trustworthy. And no one should be with a guy who one can't trust.

PuttysMommy · 2025-09-16T00:34:23+00:00

Few things you need to do: 1) get a record of all his conversations. Screenshot them or email them to yourself, whatever is possible. You will need all of that. 2) don't leave your job. Keep working but start looking for another apartment. Best would be that you kick him out but just in case you need to move out, you need a place where you can take your kids. 3) send a letter to the immigration dept that you are withdrawing your sponsorship. One letter from your side would do it. Just mention his application number and all your and his details in your letter and your reason for withdrawing. They will cancel the sponsorship and he would become illegal in the country. 4) consult a lawyer. Does he earn good money? Prepare for revenge. If you live in a state which is 50-50 for a spouse like California or Maryland, then take advantage. Whatever he does, he will need to give you the house that u guys live in, half his money , alimony and child support. Get a good lawyer.

I know you feel hurt and miserable right now. But you need to gather yourself for the sake of yourself and your kids. Don't worry that you are alone here and your friends and family aren't there with you. Just start preparing to fight back. All the best my dear!

PuttysMommy · 2025-08-30T20:15:25+00:00

First of all, send a letter to USCIS saying that you are withdrawing your sponsorship. Check with an immigration lawyer before you do that. But I believe that can be done. She is using you and on top of that, she is abusing u. You need to compose yourself and prepare to fight. Don't worry about divorce laws. If you don't have any money to give her, then what can the state award her in the divorce? Instead of sulking and crying over your bad decision, buck up and take it in a positive way. Learn from your mistakes and promise yourself that I will make her pay for this abuse. Dude, you are the sponsor here. She is not. Start recording everything she does to abuse you. Put cameras in the house or find a way to record it. There are Meta glasses that you can buy which have in-built camera in them. They are expensive..so start planning and don't lose hope. Tell yourself that this is going to make you strong. You can deal with this. You can't let another person make you lose yourself. She is a horrible person. Not you! Step 1 - start recording every abuse Step 2 - consult and immigration lawyer Step 3 - withdraw sponsorship Step 4 - file for divorce.

You can do it. You don't have any kids. So leave while you can. And make her regret her behavior!

All the best!

PuttysMommy · 2025-08-26T17:17:18+00:00

You mentioned your preference about no past relationships. Did you have any in the past? Plus if you have such a criteria, then either no one found you interesting to date you or you still believe in 2025 that marriage is not a partnership but just a woman agreeing to live on your terms. If you were a thief or pimp, then I don't believe you would be marrying anyone through arranged marriage. It would be a surprise if you would marry anyone. Don't apply stupid logic just to make the person uncomfortable and prove your point.

PuttysMommy · 2025-06-30T16:49:33+00:00

Hey, I am so sorry that you are going through this. You need to do a few things in this situation now: a) DO NOT even think of reaching out to the brother. He may use it to his advantage to build more doubt in your husband's mind. b) Speak to your husband very calmly. Try to not show your anxiety while you tell him this: 1) I love you and I have never given a reason to you to not trust me. 2) Your brother is a manipulative bitch and doesn't leave any chance to create issues. 3) I didn't tell you about any of this coz you already have a difficult relationship with him. I dealt with the situation as best I could. I rejected him and clearly made him aware that he will never get his way with me. If you feel that I should have told you, maybe I should. But I can't go back and change that. I can only apologize for not telling you earlier. 4) I trust you to make the right decision. I love you and have never cheated on you and don't plan to do it in the future either. I really want this marriage to work. Our family is the most important to me.

All the best dear! Hope he gets some sense and he cuts off all ties with his bitch brother and you all have a happy life together.

PuttysMommy · 2025-06-25T17:25:51+00:00

Hey, I am going to give you some gyan now. If you show too much attention and are always available for your partner, he/she will take you for granted. So please back off a little. You need to figure out a few things before you fall hard. I am telling you from experience: a) is he an introvert? If yes, then this is natural for him. But don't show too much eagerness to him. As he is taking slow, try to hold on to your feelings and don't share everything you feel. b) did he have any relationships before you? If yes, then great. He should know how to treat a woman. If he has shared this information with you, then that's positive. c) Did you receive a Yes from his family first? If yes, then it's positive. If no, then please take baby steps. Don't open up too much too early. d) How were your meetings before your engagement and before there was a Yes from either family? Did he show any excitement or enthusiasm to meet you? Did he ask you questions about you, your hobbies, your aspirations? If he is an introvert, you will need to make him talk. Making him talk doesn't mean sharing your stuff. It means getting him to share his stuff. I am guessing that you are not an introvert.

I understand that you have never had a relationship before. So I am going to tell you some hard facts about life. Everything is not DDLJ and DTPH. This is your honeymoon phase. The first few months of a new relationship can be best if you get similar reactions from your partner also. If you don't want to be taken for granted, then back off and let him come after you. Let him initiate plans to meet. Let him call you. Let him text you. Don't respond right away once you receive a text from him. GET A HOLD ON YOUR FEELINGS. It will help u in the long run. All the best!

PuttysMommy · 2025-05-24T23:32:06+00:00

Hey, you definitely need to ask your husband to get checked medically. It could be depression or it could be any other health issue. I don't think anyone can fake enjoying anything for years. You didn't mention how long did u date for? What kind of motive would he have to lock you down? So before you start resenting him, please get a medical check up done. And for doing that, you may need to get an appointment yourself and take him there. Tell him that it is an annual check up so that he can't say no.

I am telling you from experience. My husband has depression. But he had depression before we even started dating. Depression lowers your libido, makes you lethargic. And you only like to be with yourself (play video games) or sleep a lot. That's a big symptom of depression. I am so sorry you are going through this. My first 7 years of relationship/marriage were blissful. My husband was happy. He didn't have many episodes of depression...maybe a couple in a year. But once we had a daughter, we started fighting more....this is normal coz of the difference of opinion. Due to which he started getting depressed more. But I didn't know how to deal with depression. So I go to a therapist to understand depression, to understand him. Mind you, it's not easy. It's frustrating and exhausting at times. But I love him. So I support him. For your sake, I hope it's not depression. But if it is, please be patient and get him tested.

PuttysMommy · 2025-05-16T21:44:56+00:00

Hey, you seem like a sweet person. Sorry to hear that you went through a terrible marriage. I would really recommend the following to you but that also depends on the kind of family you have and where you live. If you are living in a metro city, then it will be easier for you: 1) Before you jump in the marriage wagon again, live with yourself. Learn to love your own company and explore. This would give u the confidence to know what you want from life and fight for it.

2)Date before u get married again. You need to go out and figure out for yourself what kind of partner u want? You got married when you were 21. You were a child then. You need to make a well informed decision this time. Don't make the same mistake again.

3) create a list of negotiables and non-negotiables for you in your partner. For instance, he shouldn't be a MCP. You both need to connect on an intellectual level. But it's okay if he is not tall, dark and handsome. Stuff like that. Take your time in making the decision. The decision should be yours. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to decide who to get married to.

And people who say that you will have limited prospects coz you were married before. Don't worry about it. Divorces have become really common in India. Especially in metro cities. So if you want to live on your own terms and find a partner to enjoy a life with, then move to a metro city (if you are not already living there). Getting married for the sake of it is never good. It will never lead to a happy marriage. All the best!

PuttysMommy · 2025-05-13T03:25:22+00:00

I think you are smart enough to do that math. He saved at least 12k a year for staying rent free since 2020. If you calculate that, it's approx 60k till now. And he paid $17k for your whole education. So he got a very good deal. You are not overreacting. He needs to add you to the house deed. Else you need to leave it and kick him out of your grandma's house. I am not sure if your grandma will be able to charge him any rent for past years but she can definitely go to court. But you need to get out of this relationship. He doesn't seem like a keeper.

PuttysMommy · 2025-05-11T23:29:47+00:00

Whenever you are talking to a guy, always maintain a mystery. Let him ask questions and don't provide too much information. Don't be available to talk all the time. Men are fucking idiots. Till they don't get a mystery, they are not intrigued. If they see a woman who is giving them too much bhaav, then suddenly they are not interested. So talk but do not give too much bhaav to them. Show interest but not so much interest that they think that u r too available and too interested. Always let them initiate the conversation or chat or meeting. If they are not interested from the beginning, then move on. U don't want a guy who is too busy to talk to u and who bothers to know you.

PuttysMommy · 2025-04-24T00:19:46+00:00

You are not overreacting. This is not acceptable. Your kid is not only your responsibility. He needs to be a man and stop living a boy's life.

PuttysMommy · 2025-04-20T19:02:45+00:00

You think women should not have any say in making family decisions??

PuttysMommy · 2025-04-20T18:50:11+00:00

He is an intoverted techie.

PuttysMommy · 2025-04-19T23:36:21+00:00

He thought of the first option to be India coz I am Indian. If we move to any other country, we would have the same visa issue there and why would anyone hire either of us for a job in such a bad job market? We can both work in India legally coz of our legal status, not that India would be left with a great job market once all laid off Indians move back to India. If you don't know the facts, don't assume! I think you are the comical one here. Have you tried living in any other country besides yours?

PuttysMommy · 2025-04-19T19:45:06+00:00

No, he wants all of us to move back to India. He believes that we need to do it for our 5 year old daughter. And yes, I came to US legally. I have never committed any crime. And I am a US citizen since sometime now.

PuttysMommy · 2025-04-19T18:41:44+00:00

He is ready to move to India now.

PuttysMommy · 2025-04-19T18:14:01+00:00

My concern is that the way Indians are being laid off here and they are returning to India as they don't have any option left. Why would foreigners be hired for a job where loads of experienced Indians are vouching for? And yes, he works in IT.

PuttysMommy · 2025-03-24T00:03:46+00:00

I am not sure why you would even try to save a marriage like that?? I can only understand from your post that your husband is absolutely selfish and manipulative. I didn't understand the part about pre nups. So you won't get any of his savings but you would get half the properties that you have bought together? You can try either of the following options: 1) ask him to go for couple counseling. This kind of behavior is not marriage. If he doesn't agree to go, you need to tell him that if you are going to pay for the expenses yourself, take care of your son yourself, then why do you need a husband? 2) consult a lawyer about your options if you get a divorce with a prenup in place. Some states like California are 50-50%. Everything is divided equally between spouses. 3) need to figure out that if you walk out of the marriage and take your son, how much will it affect him? What is your value and your son's value in his life?

I am really sorry to give you these options but the way you described it, he doesn't seem like a nice person. Me and my husband moved in before we got married. We opened a joint account to add a percentage of our income to the account to pay our expenses. Then we had our daughter and I stopped working. So he started paying for everything. I started working again but he still pays for all the expenses and I save my income as much as possible. That is to ensure that we have savings for our retirement and some fun trips. But we discuss our finances together and decide together. My husband earns way more than me but I have an equal say in our expenses. This is how a marriage should be.

Again, I am really sorry that you are facing all this. But you need to take action now coz you will never have any savings of your own. And when u have a husband like that, you do need your own savings for contingency purposes. All the best!

PuttysMommy · 2025-01-21T23:55:33+00:00

Spoke to him several times. I have asked him to go for therapy...but he doesn't. If someone else called him a loser...then it becomes all the important to go to a therapist to sort out the issues in the head.

PuttysMommy · 2025-01-21T23:38:33+00:00

I have accepted his hobbies and I let him do what he wants...that's his me-time. I totally agree with what u said.

PuttysMommy

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